I need to fucking swear ...

The BBQ Pit
1

I don’t need to rant. I just need to fucking swear. But I will tell you why, just because I’m a hell of a guy.

I’m having kind of a shitty day. I won’t go into it, it really isn’t a pretty picture. Not horrible just – whatever, does it matter?

The only thing I’d really like to do right now is keep up with my online journal and see what my journal friends are up to. Do you think I can access the site? Fuck no. That pisses me off to no end. I mean I’ve been trying to get in for hours! So without further ado …

Those motherfucking-rotten-cock-smoking-clit-slathering-shit-sucking-stinky-sphincter-chewing-crack-dicking-hairy-slit-twat-snorting-fart-smelling-crunchy-tit-licking-fuckfaced-cockhead-assnose-douche-drinking-sticky-foreskin-munching-penislipped-rectumface-bastards!!

Let me in!!!

I feel better now.

2

I was with ya 'til the douche drinking. That’s just foul, man.
Encore!

[sub]Yeah, I’m pissed about the site being down too. Dickturds.[/sub]

3

Another band name!

4

Wow, that makes Fuck-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck look bland by comparison.

5

:goes pale:

Wow…

: slowly starts to clap hands :

: others join in slowly :

: stands… others join slowly, one by one :

: applause grows slowly to a thunderous level :

: yelling and shouting :

: shot of Jack’s enemies grudgingly joing in at the back of the hall :

: crowd storms stage and lifts Jack shoulder-high :

: applause grows deafening as screen freeze-frames and turns sepia :

: run credits :

Never let it be said I don’t know when I’m beaten. :wink:

6

You, sir, are a gentleman. :smiley:

7

Wow. That was pretty good. Do you mind if I print that out and just point to it when I’m in a bad mood and someone asks me what was wrong? I can never think of anything appropriate, and that basically says it all.

8

{{{{Jack}}}}

[sup][sub]I’m not supposed to do that in The Pit, am I? Well, who the fuck cares? There, I cussed, so now my post qualifies. Pftttthhhhh![/sub][/sup]
Hope the site’s back up for you soon, hon.

Jeg elsker dig, Thomas
[sub][sup]Join Team Straight Dope in the fight against cancer![/sup][/sub]

9

Wow. That was pretty good. Do you mind if I print that out and just point to it when I’m in a bad mood and someone asks me what was wrong? I can never think of anything appropriate, and that basically says it all.

10

oops. double post, sorry.

11

It is my gift to the world.

12

Nonsense. You, sir, shall never be beaten.

[sub]Not that the OP wasn’t pretty damn good itself.[/sub]

13

Nice work. Did you damage your keyboard?

14

you, sir, have just penned the perfect hallmark. didn’t we work on the welcome wagon together?

15

Note to self: Don’t piss off Jack :eek:

I love you Jack!
What?! Don’t look at me like that!
~Kittie

16

It’s a little long for the advertising flyers/posters. May I suggest we just go with “rectumface-bastards!!”?

Got to say, that’s a fine rant. And the link given by schief2 leads to another exceptional one.

[Kilgore]
I love the smell of Pit rants in the morning.
[/Kilgore]