Go to a bar. Buy drinks for people. You’ll find some new friends quickly. Not necessarily good friends, but it’s a way to start. Don’t hang out on Friday and Saturday nights when a ton of people are looking for hookups, try Sunday afternoon and evening during football games. Cheer for the local team, don’t get in arguments with drunk football experts, come back week after week, talk to people. At least you’ll be out among people instead of sitting at home. This may not result in you finding new long lasting friends, but that follows with an expanding social circle based on the people you meet.
After typing this I realize I have to get back to doing this myself. Since COVID and dealing with my deteriorating physical condition I’ve become rather isolated. Most people I know my own age have retired and we’re all further apart than ever. I really need to get out more.
I agree that the way to make friends is to spend time with people on a regular basis. Not that every person you spend time with will become a friend, of course, but you pretty much can’t make friends without doing that first. (I, too, have a handful of internet-only friends. But none of my internet friends lives close enough to hang out with.)
In addition to exercise classes and team sports and boards (all good ideas) adult education classes, dance groups that meet regularly (square dance, contra dance, folk dance, lots of types), soup kitchens, book clubs, church groups, etc. are all venues to consider. The key thing is to sign up for some regular activities that you will get something out of even if you don’t make friends, both because you will have to give it time (and you ought to enjoy it while doing so) and also because you’ll want to continue so as to continue spending time with those people you enjoy, and of course, you are more likely to hit it off with people you have stuff in common with.
43 but otherwise … same. I had the exact same response then, and now.
If my mother dies before my dad - unlikely, given their respective health plus the fact that mean-spirited people tend to hang on forever (the devil doesn’t wanna deal with 'em either!) - this will be the same situation with my parents.
My mother just flew for a month-long visit to Ye Olde Country and neither of us has any fucking idea what the hell my dad is gonna do all day, every day … besides watching TheFoxNews (as he says it) or whatever right-wing propaganda spewer he’s hanging onto these days.
For years, we’ve both begged him: take up poker! (Nah, I don’t like cards.) Dad, you’re an engineer; you’re good at math! You’d clean 'em out! (No.) Okay, what abou-- (No.) Well, maybe you might lik-- (No.)
He does enjoy birdwatching, in that he looks through the window at birds that happen to visit my mother’s lush garden.
That, and the weather. Hoo, boy, does that man enjoy talking about weather. What happened; what might happen; what is happening. He literally knows what’s going on in my neck of the woods better than I do, meteorologically speaking, and I live 3,000 miles away now.
To the O.P. would you be interested in joining a local card-playing group?
Some bars have trivia night. You don’t hafta drink booze - hell, you could be the designated driver and play taxi for your new inebriated friends - you just hafta know stuff. Which, being a member of our esteemed community, you undoubtedly do.
When I had a girlfriend, I had more friends than I needed (plus I had a few close friends of my own), but since I broke up with my last GF (hopefully not my last, ever) I lost all her friends, naturally, and I moved eight states away at the same time, so my close buddies were now hundreds of miles away. I’ve made a few close acquaintances in my new state, but friends is something else. Presumably, my next GF will come with friends of her own, and then I’m back to where I was, roughly.
I used to enjoy solitude and doing things on my own occasionally. But now it seems I am only doing things alone. I have always had the idea that if I really want to do something, I need to be prepared to do it alone, because it’s not always possible to find a partner to the things I like to do. The current situation is putting that idea to the test because I am getting tired of the solitude and want to do things with someone else for a change. It’s getting lonely.
With the pandemic and WFH it has been very isolating, and my small, core group of friends that I do stuff with are more distant now - whenever there is contact, for the most part, it is me initiating. I am not sure why that is, and I tend to internalize things so that I think the problem is me - that I did something wrong without knowing it and pushed them away. I am trying to reconnect/connect more often, but that is taking an effort. The one friend that sometimes bugs the crap out of me I have become more lenient with because he is making an effort to stay connected with me. I am trying to be flexible, schedule-wise, with everyone so if there is an opportunity to do something together I can make room, rather than just going by myself (again).
Anyway, for the OP, it’s gonna take some effort, but I guarantee there are others out there like you, looking for some connections, and they will most likely meet you half-way. But, you need to get out there with the things you like to do and have the opportunity to be exposed to other, like-minded people. Take a risk and see what happens!
Juxtaposed against what @JaneDoe42 posted earlier, and my own thoughts about my dad’s utter lack of social life, this is … I dunno. I’m not sure how to respond, but there’s something significant here.
Or maybe not. I’m just working off a small base of my recent (past few decades) GFs, all of whom had more close friends than I can fathom. Maybe I’m just drawn to a particularly outgoing type of woman (who is drawn to a particularly ingoing type of man). I don’t think I need their friends, but I accept them and I like some of them. But when I’m between relationships, it does get kind of lonely.
I would recommend you try using something like Meetup.com.
Seconded. I’ve never had a big friend group anywhere I’ve lived but in San Francisco I was able to build up a large, close group of friends (mainly centered around beer meetup, which was probably not the healthiest thing, but hey I also did a hiking one which balanced it out )
Since moving to DC (and having a bunch of kids ) I’ve not been able to recreate that, the meetup scene here did not survive meetup (it was never as active as SF and really did not bounce back post-Covid, which as a surprise to me, I figured folks would be desperate for social contact and it would explode), plus of course kids makes social activities hard. I am acquaintances with my eldest kid’s kindergarten friend’s dads, but nothing that could really be called a friendship.
My Wife has plenty of friends, and we sort of share. I like them all.
An issue with me is that I’m half def. Any type of bar or classroom situation is pointless. And, frankly, I prefer that nowadays. A dinner out with my wife works well as long as it’s not a noisy place. Some sort of group or party? I won’t hear a thing. The acoustics of the place matters too of course. And they always suck.
My hearing aids work well one on one. But if there is background noise, they make it worse.
Prior to kids, it was never really an issue for me or my wife. I had my friends. She had her friends. As a lot of friends on both sides settled down and got married, then they became groups of couples we could do stuff with.
Once everyone started having kids, it became a lot harder as people started moving away. COVID accelerated that a lot. So really most of my socialization now is children’s birthday parties with my daughter’s friends.
There’s also an element of how much do I really want to spend money on a sitter and whatnot to spend time with someone I don’t already know and like?
Children’s birthday parties have become the bane of my existence. I don’t like parties - too much going on to have meaningful conversation, often loud and I am averse to noise. I don’t particularly like kids either. Even when I enjoy the adults generally, I don’t actually get to talk to them at parties.
Given my social anxiety, my introversion and my general distaste for large gatherings of people, you would think I have a hard time making friends, but I have throughout my life had pretty good friends. Not a ton. I’m no social butterfly. But I’ve always had people I considered close friends. I am a very friendly person once you draw me out of my shell. I love people. Which is why I prefer them in small, quiet groups, so that I can build real and meaningful relationships with them.
I just feel bad, because my shyness can come off as indifference. For example we’ve had new employees at work just on the other side of my cube, and it took me so long to get up the courage to introduce myself, it got to the point where it would be weird to do so, so these poor people think I’m just snubbing them when really I’m just afraid to create an awkward situation, which just makes things more awkward, ad infinitum. Fortunately one of them quit, and the other one needed me for something, so I got to start a relationship with them, but it’s still new and weird.
I have tried alcohol and I love it for that reason, but I have some issues with drinking due to current medication interactions, and I also do have a family history of alcoholism, so I like to say that I love alcohol so much I routinely avoid it.
This is only good advice if you like dogs and want to live with one. If both those things aren’t true, then it’s terrible advice and should be ignored.
I have quite a few friends, but most are because of my wife (I do have a couple long time but only one lives nearby). Unlike some in this thread, I don’t get lonely. I am happy being alone for days, weeks, months on end. I’ve gone on five day solo backpacking trips and loved the solitude. I do get tired of having too many people around. I have two relatives living with me right now and I cannot wait till they move out.
This is a problem for me too. If we are in a restaurant with a group, I get soooo tired trying to hear a conversation. I know older folks like this and you can tell when they check out. I’m not quite there, but it’s getting close.
I’ve played for a long time but I just met a couple guys that are playing in their garage. Two guitar players. I’m primarily a guitar player, but I can play bass (it’s “easy”, right @scabpicker ) so I started playing with them. It’s been a blast. I’m reliving my college days and we are now figuring out how to start playing in front of folks. @icarus Play drums or sing?
Of course, our garage playing is contributing to the problem Mr. Alpine brought up. It’s not that loud, but that is three amps playing medium loud. Need to bring my dB meter and figure out if I should be wearing hearing protection. When we get the drummer, I’m sure it will be needed.
My husband and I moved away from all our friends and then we split up 6 years ago. He moved out of state and I stayed put to be close to my grandkids. I am better now than I was after we split, but I’m still pretty excruciatingly lonely. At 67 years old, I am sure I will spend the rest of my life alone and that fact will sometimes cause me to sob uncontrollably for hours. Thankfully that happens less often than it used to.
I’ve never made friends easily on my own. My husband was the one who’d make friends for us. We used to have friends over all the time and talk about everything under the sun. I miss those times.
I went to dinner with a few neighbors a couple of weeks ago and it was just awful. I don’t fit with that group of people. I can’t seem to find anyone I fit with anymore.
Is there a group for 67 year old Post Malone fans? I might fit there.
) so I started playing with them. It’s been a blast. I’m reliving my college days and we are now figuring out how to start playing in front of folks. 
