After my mother died, my stepfather (now 90) has kept very busy. But the thing about widowers is, there are usually tons of widows on the prowl for their next SO. Women who’ve been married all their lives, who need companionship. He called them “the casserole brigade”. Always wanting to cook a meal for him, or go out together, etc. He has buried two wives and has no plans for a 3rd. But he goes to the gym 3 times a week, volunteers for the library several days a week, donates platelets as often as they’ll let him, takes art classes at the senior center, etc.
I am and always have been a pretty solitary person. But I go to lunch with my “horse friends” and we talk about personal stuff as well as the current price for alfalfa hay. I lunch with my beekeeping friend, and we do the same.
Hehehe, I swear it is! You didn’t have any problems, right?
But yeah, maybe not the instrument for everyone. The stings require some finger strength.
I’m not of retirement age, but all of my friends I see regularly outside of work are from bands I’ve been in. One was my roommate in college, and the other is a drummer I’ve known since I was 18.
Both of my hands are having to toughen up! Both on the callous side (who knew I’d get callouses on my picking fingers?) but also the strength side. I play with the group for two hours and my fretting hand is a bit raw, and I’ve been doing this for weeks. I expect some day they’ll toughen up sufficiently.
I haven’t played this much bass continuously ever and I notice I am now focusing on the bass in songs…not the guitar. And when I am hearing songs in my head, it is the bass lines. I’m having a great time being a dumb bass player!
He would be perfect for that sort of woman, but she would have to know that he’s out there in order to make the first move. Hubs does the shopping and goes out with me. That is it. I’m pretty sure that if I go first he will let all of my plants die and spend the rest of his life listening to Tucker and reading Epoch news. It makes me sad, he wasn’t like this before Trump.
Now, if he goes first which is what I expect, I don’t think I will want to remarry because I’ve gotten so used to hubs over the years that I would get upset with a new SO for not automatically knowing that the shower door must be left open after a shower to avoid mildew.
Nextdoor does have it’s uses, maybe post an ISO message there.
I’m 56 but have come to the same conclusion. Lightning might strike but I’ve gotten to grips with the notion I will be alone from here on probably. Sucks but I like to think I have mostly accepted that fact.
What scares me is, as the youngest by a fair amount in my generation of family, I will be the last one left. With no kids of my own and nieces and nephews that are completely uninterested in me (despite efforts on my part…they are uninterested in each other too) I will be truly alone and at the mercy of some uncaring senior care place wallowing in a bed and grateful for a glass of water.
My wife and I became empty nesters as Covid began. Three of four kids live far away and one same city. Social life previous has often been heavily influenced by parenthood. And we work but are getting near to at least thinking about retirement. I have good relationships with colleagues at work. I talk to people all day. I have a few casual social circles and a couple of old friends who I consider good friends even though we only see each once a year on average.
My wife bemoans her lack of many good friends. She complains how they’ve drifted away. I am working on building our socializing because I love her. And intellectually I recognize the importance of social connections to long term health.
But I’d be just as happy not socializing much. I don’t feel a need for close buddies. If I retire I’d expect I would take classes of various sorts and socialize but I at this point would see no need to become tight with anyone there.
It is tiring. You’re only hearing every other word and depending an incredible amount on whatever context you can glue together. Eventually going into smile and nod mode.
We have an 18 person meeting once a month for work. I can’t hear a thing. It doesn’t help that people mumble.
Since I’ve discovered that Teams has good CC, I’m never going to another meeting again.
I find it hard to hear in those settings and I don’t have any hearing issues. (One big reason I hate parties.) I can only imagine. I have an older friend we used to meet up with at my friend’s Burger Bar, and he became very withdrawn for a long time, not saying much, not like his bombastic self at all. We thought he was depressed. Suddenly he comes in one day and everything’s back to normal. He finally got a hearing aid.
I knew of someone who started her own MeetUp group, just to have people to join her doing whatever activities she felt like posting. So if she wanted companions on a hike, or to see a concert, or go to a club, or eat out with, she’d just post it and people would jump in.
Friendship transcends time and space. The absence of being with friends over time only makes any eventual meeting with them extra-sweet.
The implicit presumption here is that “many good friends” are somehow more desirable than fewer. Yet when it comes to friends, I have found quality to be far more important than quantity.
Hubs wears hearing aids and also has problems in crowds or at parties. My solution to this is to warn folks in advance that he’s not ignoring people, he just can’t hear them. As a result, people usually tend to face him and speak up which he says is really helpful.
Yes to all the hearing complaints. Attitudinally, I mostly like parties. I mostly like crowds.
I hate crowded bars or restaurants. I can’t hear anything, and especially I can’t hear my wife or whoever we’re seated with. My favorite sort of restaurant is the one with one or two other occupied tables, max. And definitely no large table of 8 or more. Shame my wife thinks that’s proof the place is no good; if it isn’t trendy and jammed it must suck. In her worldview trendy is good for it’s own sake; see and be seen by the people who matter: you know, the other sheep who follow trends and go where they’re told to go. Spare me.
As @enipla said, high end hearing aids are great, but they are far from perfect in noisy environments. They make hearing loss less awful, and crowd noise less burdensome. But there’s no mode that turns off all background noise except the sound of the voice you want to hear. Nor is there any mode that turns off the tinnitus.
Although I’m not so sure. Read some article somewhere in these past months that actually broader social networks were more of an impact of long term well being and health than the degree/depth of the relationships.
This is my issue. It’s inside my ears/head, it’s not exterior noise. Plenty of snake oil on the web about ‘fixes’. My audiologist says noting can be done.
My wife bought me a $1000 dollar set of head phones for work. Very sweet of her. I didn’t have the heart to say that it won’t make any difference. It’s hard for folks to understand pervasive constant tinnitus that goes on for… 10 years now.
I can and had a a quick surgery on my eyes to replace cataracts. But nothing in the tinnitus field.
Also helps to have someone look at you when they talk. I can’t read lips, but gestures help a lot. CC is a great help for me in meetings or watching TV. If I set the sound so that I could hear it, it’s very uncomfortable for my wife.