True. I wasn’t clear, but I meant for future sackings. One can never be to careful.
I really thought that an invitation specifically reading “You and a guest” would be enough. Yes, if my assistant did not encourage the additions, she certainly did nothing to stop it as she was right onboard.
I have not handled this yet and need to. Anything that may be negative on morale makes me want to tread carefully. However, if I allow those who RSVPd with additional guests to bring them, I will need to offer the same thing to their coworkers which could get very ugly very fast.
I am embarrassed to ask for money from them since they know we had our most successful year this past year. I don’t want to appear cheap but as usual, I am trying to find that thin line between generousity and feeling taken advantage of.
How many employees are you talking? 4-5? 8-10? Unless it is the entire staff I would suggest you just do what you did with the assistant. Ask them pointblank that it is for the employee and guest and are they still coming and that the invite was limited as it stated on the invite.
Sending out an all office email to everyone seems like a lose-lose situation. There is no way that will come out well for you. I think that will come out as bah humbug in my opinion. But if you talk specifically to those who fucked up it seems you would keep it on the downlow and come out the best you will be able to. There might be some grumbling, but it will be limited to only a few of those who were imposing and frankly it seems most of your good employeees would be like ‘well duh–didn’t you read the invitation, Foxy said you and a guest’. Which would stifle it out pretty quickly.
Good luck–it sounds like your assistant started the bandwagon and others just jumped on board.
Just address in the form of “Mr & Mrs John Doe”.
I’m interested to hear if the additional “guests” are just people’s kids, or if they are really random additional people the invitees felt they could bring. And I’m not saying I think RSVP’ing with kids isn’t way out of line, because it is, but I think RSVP’ing with randoms included is even further out of line. I know it wouldn’t even cross my mind that anyone other than a spouse/SO would be an acceptable guest, but I guess I can kind of see how someone might make the mistkae of thinking kids would be OK. I also think a reasonable person who made that mistake would probably be pretty embarassed once they thought about it and realized what they did. Inviting other random adults is just insane, I can’t imagine how anyone could think that was OK, even for a second, unless it was explicitly approved on the invite, prior arrangements had been made, or some kind of precident existed. It really boggles my mind that somone would make a move as bold as that, or lack that much common sense.
And we can each bring at least three friends each, right?
Truly. I don’t think it was ever explained to me in plain words that an invitiation to a staff party meant me and my significant other (or one sister or friend if I was SOless), but somehow I seem to have always known this rule of society. I can’t even imagine what was going on in these people’s heads - the only possible explanation to me is children of employees, and that still is monumentally not done. Strange, strange people.
I agree with other posters that sending out a message apologizing “for any confusion I may have caused” is the right way to go. Saying that budget constraints necessitate a limit of one guest per employee seems reasonable enough, and phrasing it as an apology allows an employee to save face.
How is it, that if every year you have the same type party, this year everyone forgets that it’s just “employee and guest”? (not snarking on you, Foxy, but the employees’ seemingly short memory)
Do you own this business? What sort of business is it? How many employees? 
Perhaps in future you might issue the invitations by name? For any married people the spouse’s name shouldn’t be hard to come by. For unmarried people, you’d have to task someone to ask them in advance who they’d like to invite.
Then you can issue proper invitations that specify precisely who is invited. When someone takes the invitation for Mr. & Mrs. John Doe and RSVPs for 3 people, you can then politely ask if whichever of them is a conjoined twin will need any special accommodations for seating.
I am the managing partner in a health care business and will leave it at that. I have about 30 employees.
To answer some of the above questions, this is our 12th annual party and I have had stragglers show up in the past but shrugged it off as it didn’t cost me more since the final count for the caterer was done and there was enough food. Perhaps because Mary Smith brought a few friends last year, Amy Jones thought that would be okay too.
There were seven who RSVPd with more than one guest. Yes, there were older children, also friends and out of town guests.
The first person that wanted to bring her daughter who is on leave from Iraq I said the catering total didn’t allow it but she could come as MY guest since I am not bringing one this year. I offered if others want to do the same thing (donate their guest spot), that would be fine…but it snowballed and there weren’t enough stags to accommodate the folks that wanted to bring other guests.
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The invitation specifically read “You and a guest are invited to our 12th annual Holiday Party”. I don’t think it could be plainer than that.
Heh. That employee has indeed been sacked and did indeed have a sleazy lawyer on speed-dial. Probably the brother of the sleazy doctor she had on speed-dial who verified her “back injury”.
Our lawyers are expensive and consulted frequently ergo our sackings are as watertight as a fish’s ass. And by God, on occasions like these, they are fun.
Personally, I think that’s quite generous.
I think this was the first mistake. I understand you were trying to be nice and it was noble of you.
And this was the second mistake.
You let one employee do it, yourself, which led you to let others. That is only fair but it snow balled out of control.
I think an email like other posters have drawn up is needed. I know it is going to come off like you are cheap but either you do that or suck up the expense.
Every out of office party we had was the employee and one guest. You stated that. It was clear and it is time to enforce it. If they want extra guests then they can pony up the $80 per person. If you want to be “nice” you could offer them a discounted rate and make it $60. I am sure that will still deter them from inviting extra people.
I would not worry about whether Miss Manners agrees. The people that are expecting to invite extra are the ones without the manners at this point.
The only fair way to handle trade off guest invites in the future would be a drawing. Collect the names of everyone willing to forfeit their guest invite. Then collect the names of employees that would like to bring an additional person and then just draw names out of hat. Even in that way you are still paying for people that really should not be included but since you are willing to eat that expense anyway then it comes off as being more employee friendly.
I also want to state that $1500 is a heck of a bonus and I wish there were more employers like you.
If this happened to me where I work, and I turned people away, I would be in trouble the next day. We have a total cave-in-to-the-customer corporate policy. The “customer” includes employees at special events like this.
If I were you I would engage in some CYA – talk to somebody like an HR VP and get an “official” response, or just more money to cover the meals for all the freeloaders.
I am usually polite to a fault, and I see no problem with this exactly as written.
Foxy, you could combine posh/stylish with sensible in this case.
Send everyone an confirmation and an entrance card to the party. A chic little admittance card, to be shown at the door. Make it very clear on that admittance card that it is personal (on name) and that only one guest is allowed. If Amy Smith starts calling in “Hey, I’m coming with four and I only got one guest card!” then you can point out, in a surprised and slighty pained tone, that she misunderstood the invitation.
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People not “getting” that how an invitation is addressed is a clear indication of who is (drum roll, please) invited is nothing new. Anyone who’s ever thrown a party has encountered this. That is why a follow-up e-mail, with all the nitty gritty details (dress code, very specific guest policy, directions) is absolutely necessary.
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If the “just one guest” policy was so important, you really should have discussed it with your RSVP taker beforehand. Communication is a good thing.
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Singling out just one of the many offenders, especially the one who happens to be on the lowest rung of the ladder, and dressing her down in front of everyone is extremely rude and unprofessional. You need to hire a better class of employee and they need to work for a boss with more class. Do you think the people who witnessed this are feeling all snuggly about going to your dinner now? Hint: a hostess is supposed to make guests feel welcome and that includes handling crises discreetly.
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When I saw that you were the OPer, I wondered to myself, “How many posts until Foxy mentions how wealthy she is?” I wasn’t disappointed. You know, I don’t know you from Eve (hey, what happened to her?), but it seems that every single thread you open eventually becomes a vehicle for you to crow about how wealthy you are and then complain about how people are trying to screw you. It’s really sad and, since you seem to be unaware of this, let me tell you discreetly that it’s really tacky.