Having recently agreed to take up the challenge of writing a full-length novel in the onth of November, I am now looking for ways to pad my word count. One such way is to put quotes from well-known authors at the start of each chapter. So now I just need some good quotes. The rules being:
They must come from novels or short stories. No plays, no poems, no movies, no TV shows.
Because this is a sarcastic and (hopefully) witty novel that I’m writing. I need sarcastic or witty quotes. Nothing overbearingly meaningful. Quotes on important subjects may qualify if they have a caustic edge.
No Adams or Pratchett quotes. They won’t help, since large compendiums of their best quotes are available on the internet.
This seems a somewhat shabby, lazy and dishonest enterprise to me. However, if you must, this is probably appropriate: “Particularly disliking forewords, I seldom read them; yet it seems that I scarcely ever write a story that I do not inflict a foreword on my long-suffering readers. Occasionally I also have to inject a little weather and scenery in my deathless classics, two further examples of literary racketeering that I especially deplore in the writing of others. Yet there is something to be said for weather and scenery, which, together with adjectives, do much to lighten the burdens of authors and run up their word count.”
Edgar Rice Burroughs, from the foreword to Skeleton Men Of Jupiter
Robert Asprin’s deathless (fantasy) classic, Another Fine Myth, had a sarcastic, witty quote at the start of each chapter. However, he made up the quote, and assigned it (usually) to a famous character from science fiction or fantasy. For instance
“One must deal openly and fairly with one’s forces if maximum effectiveness is to be achieved”
-D. Vader
He continued the series long past the deathless point, and I believe in one of his forwards said he spent more time trying to think of sarcastic witty quotes than plot and stuff.
It has always been the prerogative of children and half wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half wit remains a half wit and the emperor remains an emperor.
The Magus of the Sons Of Yezem: How did you know the road here? Conan the Barbarian: I followed the vultures; they always lead me to my goal. The Magus: They should; you have fed them full often enough. What of the guard who watched the cleft? Conan, grinning: Dead, he wouldn’t listen to reason. The Magus: The vultures follow you, not you the vultures!
His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god.
The best comeback of all time comes from The Silmarillion, Beren Erchamion speaking to King Thingol: “I have kept my oath. My hand now holds a Silmaril.”. But you need the full context to really appreciate that one.
