I never wanted much to do with kids until my lover was murdered in front of hers

In My Humble Opinion
21

Yes - the boy has a different father who is not in the picture at all. I was spending time with him (and still do - and it is more of a scheduling issue with all involved than anything else). I do not intend to leave the boy out at all (the girl was away for several months and has just returned). It’s actually very complicated to explain all of it, but you’re right - we will (and have done) things all together.

I will actually be seeing him tomorrow and he really liked this flashlight I had - so I got him one as he seems smart and curious and will give it to him tomorrow when I drop off his sister. We might go for a walk together for a little while - he just got a new turtle that he liked to show me. He doesn’t have a father (well he does, but he isn’t in the picture - which is a good thing as - well just take my word for it).

Anyway - I get the idea you don’t want to exclude kids - and I’m not trying to - so I will try and spend a little time just with him tomorrow. They actually seem to understand not everyone is treated the same.

I’m not trying to tell them how to raise their kids - so I am going with the flow - I can’t make the one dad take the other kid out - which he might not be able to anyway - as he might be out with his cousin anyway.

The boy is very insightful - I couldn’t believe at the funeral - there were people kneeling in front of the casket - he could see the grief on my face and said “hey bob and Mary, let DataX in”. I mean how amazing is that? They have a memorial tree in the back yard - every time I see it - I try and be strong - especially around the kids, but eventually I lose it - (and try and pass it off as allergies which has sort of become a running joke) - and the boy comes over and ask ME if IM OK!

He seems to actually like hiking - which his mom and I loved to do together. The little girl doesn’t seem to like it - so we (the boy, his grandmom (my girlfriends mom), and I are going to go hiking soon) - we won’t bring the girl (she will stay with her cousins/aunt). I know some say that is wrong, but I feel like you have to adapt to the interests of the kids (says the guy who knows nothing about them).

22

It sounds like you’re a good guy to have around, DataX.

23

So how are things going?

24

Uh, no.

25

Sorry that I haven’t posted -it’s been a rough month and a half - I really appreciated everyone’s advice and took the suggestion everyone made about not out shining the dad by “lending” him money (he wanted to get her an IOU for a gift) and took him to Toys R Us so he could get a better present for her Birthday - not sure if I mentioned she turned or was turning five. I got her a more modest present.

As you might guess a girl turning five that saw her mom murdered got a shit ton of presents as everyone who knows her of course feels for this little girl.

Things didn’t last long as the father just kept trying to use me - I had to break off contact with him as he became a little crazy - and I think he was just spending the money on drugs. She has only seen her father once in the last month - and only for a short period of time. To be fair to him - he was there too when she was killed - so he is dealing with a lot - and both his parents are dead - and his only real relative says it’s his own fault for getting involved with the troubled person I accidentally fell for.

The girl seems to be doing really well. Her grandmother - who is pretty young as both her and her daughter had kids in their early teens are attending a grief support group tomorrow I started attending last week - as I’ve been having a lot of trouble dealing with this.

The boy seems to be getting violent (I don’t mean really violent - but hitting people - not hard - for no reason). I learned in my support group last week that this is actually common. He was sad that I took the girl with her father to Chuckie Cheese (the father of the girl wants nothing to do with the boy - who has a different father) - so I told him I would take him and his mom or aunt out and we would do something special for his birthday.

I don’t have to worry about out shining his father - as he isn’t around, but of course I do have to worry about one of them thinking I like the other one better so it is a careful balancing act. I consult his grandmother or aunt before doing anything. We’ve become pretty close.

The little girl who threw a rock at me the first time I met her and said something like “go away” - has just totally melted my heart. I see them pretty regularly - once a week or so at their grandmothers house - where they both are living. My lovers mother is the only one showing obvious signs of grief - and seems to be grieving much the same way I am - have developed a special kinship.

I know her sister is grieving too (but she is more inwardly grieving) - and I am there for her when she wants to talk - and we’ve been going to a different support group together. She had other siblings - who I don’t see that often - and they seem to be doing ok.

I’m doing the best I can - sometimes her mom doesn’t return my calls for days - but then other times she will call me up crying at one am and we will have a four hour conversation. Her mom is the only person I can really talk to - as I worry that I’m hurting her sister by talking, but her mom loves to talk (when she can). Her mom says the same thing about me.

I’ll be there for them as long as they want - while I do enjoy the warm feelings I get in return - I know people change and am not expecting they will always want me in their lives. I’m pretty sure her mom and me will always be close - as I remind her of all the good things about her daughter.

Anyway - thanks everyone for the guidance. I’m finding support groups really do help. And they are a lot cheaper than the therapists that never seemed to do anything for me.

26

Thank you for that :slight_smile:

27

This is a great list delphica. I have a 4 yo daughter and love to walk in the woods myself, so I will definitely try these.

(and the kid can come too :slight_smile:

28

DataX,

I totally agree with Merneith! You sound like a wonderful caring person and someone I’d like to have around when the bad times come.

Looks like you’re doing a great job with these kids and the support you’ve given to them and their family is very admirable. As for the little girl’s Dad, some folks will definitely take advantage of a situation if given the chance. Good thing you’ve backed off there. So glad he doesn’t have custody of the her. Can you imagine? No, let’s not go there…

As for the dog’s butt thing - I remember a video from a few years back showing a little girl do this very thing. I looked for the clip but couldn’t find a good link for it. It was a medium sized black dog standing around minding his own business, with his tail straight up, attention focused elsewhere. The little girl crouches behind him, leans over for a closer look and then BAM! pokes him right in the butthole! The poor dog lunges forward with his tail clamped down tight and then spins around to see who the hell poked him…