I no longer help with the housework, and other news of the pregnancy

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

There’s only so much a person can do. There’s working full-time, with all the stresses and worries. There’s an hour commute, each way. Sometimes life is too much without adding additional housework on top.

My father never lifted a hand around the house. I think I remember him cooking maybe one or two meals. (in my lifetime.) Actually, I don’t really remember him cooking, but I think he must have. Certainly, he never helped with the cleaning, yard work, let alone washing dishes or laundry.

I grew up thinking that house work was women’s work, even after my mom resumed working part-time and then close to fulltime. By then I was out of school, and my dad still put in his 40 hours a week and no more around the house.

Times are different now, of course, and since my wife also works, then we split up the housework. She would do the laundry; I’d vacuum and do the dishes. I’d clean the toilet and the bathroom and she’d fight back against the clutter on the table. She’d prepare breakfasts and I’d do the bulk of dinners.

But now, with my loving wife at 7 weeks, her morning sickness is worse than with her previous pregnancies. After all day at her work and then the commute back, she’s exhausted. I have the same schedule and commute, but there aren’t floods of hormones flowing around my body, so it’s business as normal for me.

Work is pretty much all she can handle, so it’s not realistic to ask her to put any time into the house. I noticed last night that after I had gone home, fixed dinner for us, put her down for a nap, started a load of laundry before running out to my pottery class and then coming home to do the dishes, finish the laundry and vacuum; that the balance has tilted to about 95% me.

I guess that means I don’t “help” with the housework anymore. I “do” the housework and she helps when she’s got the energy. I growl at her when she tries to help, anyway. Her job now is to make a safe home for Beta-chan and getting tired doing something which I can do isn’t the best thing. Besides, I love taking care of her and finding ways of making dinners which she can eat.

For the pregnancy, so far, so good. The doctor thinks we should be able to see the baby next week. The Ob-gyn is great, although the stupid hospital regulations could drive you nuts. They won’t let me in the room when she has an ultrasound done “from below.” Good god. The other doctor allowed me to be there. She’s got a sheet over her legs and I’m by her head. Of the off-chance that I were to see something, you can’t possible think that it would be the first time I’ve seen her nakkid body, is it? Japan has a problem with a shrinking population. You would think that husbands should be encouraged to see their wives in the buff.

My second fulltime job is reassuring her that all if fine. While there isn’t anyway to know that, worrying doesn’t help.

2

You’re a good egg, Tokyo. Any chance of you getting some help around the house, maybe hire a part time maid or something?

Happy nesting!

3

(((hugs to you both)) and best wishes!

How wonderful that you no longer define it as “helping”.
If you could manage to bottle that, I know a LOT of women who’d love to douse their husbands with it. Maybe add a “Not babysitting” formula, too (like shampoo AND conditioner).

4

Been there. Props to you for helping.

One hint: lower your standards. Drastically. For example, skip vacuuming, dusting, all the non-essential housekeeping. Stick to only what’s essential: dishes, laundry, an occasional scrub of the toilet (because otherwise the mineral stains catch up on you). Let the clutter on the table go until you absolutely cannot stand it anymore. The world won’t come to an end if your domicile is temporarily at less than 100%.

And forget cooking; this is what Lean Cuisine and takeout is for.

5

Way to go, TokyoPlayer. Many men can learn from you. Including me. :slight_smile:

6

I thought this was going to be about how you hired a housekeeper, oh well. Happy to hear everythings coming along well.

7

Goodluck, I feel for your wife. My husband is in the same boat as you but I’m further along than your wife. On our “to do” board he wrote “hire cleaning person”. So I’ve found one, now I have to be around so she can come by and give us a quote. Between nausea all day long, no cooking allowed in the house and not being able to do any phyical activities and being tired all the time nothing housework wise is getting done. But bless his heart he is still cleaning up the kitchen and laundry and doing his best to take care of me plus work 12hrs a day and going to grad school. So its hard for him and all I’m trying to do is just keep food down and manage to do our taxes. I can’t wait to feel better in a few weeks I hope.

8

We’re looking into getting a part-time house keeper. Someone to do the toilet, vacuuming, etc. One of our friends have someone come in once a week for four hours, and says it makes all the difference.

For cooking, that’s actually something which I enjoy and it helps me relax, so I’ll continue it.

Fortunately, we’re going to get a new dishwasher when we move in July. The current one is getting old (46) and would prefer to watch tv.

9

You know, I’ve recently grown a new pet peeve.

Why is it that women “do housework” while men “help with housework,” even if it comes down to 50:50? :smack:

Yes, I know where the expression comes from. But so long as we say that men “help with housework,” we’re implying that housework is “woman’s work.”

Excuse me, leaving the soapbox to send {{{{{{}}}}}} TP’s way.

Getting a cleaner can be an enormous blessing. I don’t like having them around if they’re not needed, but right now, you sure sound like you need one.
ETA: {{{{{{cherry}}}}}}.

10

Hugs. :slight_smile:

So which ultra sounds are done…from below, and which aren’t? And how are they different? Sorry…I don’t know from ultra sounds. At one point, I thought they all involved vaginal insertion of…things.

11

“Typical” ultrasounds are done through/over the stomach - apply a little jelly, pass the wand over the belly and say hi to the little one :slight_smile:

12

Yes, but the early 8 week ultrasound is done with a slender thing like this. Congrats to TP and wife; the general rule is that the more miserable your wife feels, the stronger the hormones and the bigger the chance of a succesful pregnancy.

As someone who is 6,5 months along, I can tell you you have NO idea how much you help your wife by taking care of the household and her. You also have no idea how much your help prevents the kind of bitter, exhausted, scared,nagging and ranting [del]I do[/del] pregnant women do when they feel taken for granted and feel they can’t go back anymore.

13

There is no Women’s Work or Men’s Work.
There is just work.

That’s what I tell my kids.
TP You’re not allowed to see you’re wifes hoo-haa in the doctor’s office? That is just messed up.
Warm wishes to your preggo wife and to you, her gallant husband.

14

Congrats and good wishes. May I make a suggestion that you and she talk over with her OB/GYN for the nausea? I suffered the most godawful nausea with my daughter – morning, noon and night sickness for the entire 34 weeks of pregnancy (she was a little early).
The baby I miscarried at 5 months gave me such bad nausea my OB/GYN at the time put me on the same anti-nausea meds they give chemo patients, and I still puked pretty much non-stop.
With my son – my OB/GYN (who is a god in the profession) had me start taking extra B12 supplements. Excess B12 is excreted IIRC through the skin, so there’s really no way of ODing on it, but it is a life-saver. Not only did I not have a moment of nausea once I started taking the B12, it helped my appetite - I had lost weight with the other pregnancies (I didn’t gain anything unl 4 weeks before my daughter was born!) – I gained normally with my son. I am not a doctor, just a woman who has been there, done that and found a very natural way to help. Talk to her, talk to the OB/GYN and hopefully it will work as well for her as it did for me!

15

TP, glad to hear everything is going OK so far. Normally my wife and I split the chores but I took over completely when she was preggo. I tried to keep everything as clean as she would like but failed miserably. She quickly decided that it was in her best interest to hire a cleaning person to come in every other week, otherwise she was going to kill me.

As for the ultrasound “down under”, my wife went through a lot of them during the rounds of fertility treatments. The ultrasound techs in the US didn’t have a problem with me being in the room when they used what my wife affectionately called Willy the Wonder Wand. Because they would put a condom on the wand before use, one time my wife brought in her own and handed it to the tech. It was one of those flavored, ribbed novelty types. The tech got a good laugh.

Take care of your wife and Beta-chan. Still sending sticky thoughts your way.

16

My god, that’s stupid. How do they think she got pregnant in the first place?

17

Which is my point exactly. Without getting too much into our sex lives, that fact that she has gotten pregnant three times must suggest that there is some sort of familiarity with her body parts. (insert Tab A into Slot B).

I’m finding the trick to laundry is reverse engineering. First take a tee-shirt which is folded correctly, and unfold it, taking digital pics for each step. Then you can recreate it with the next one. People say it’s difficult, but I’ve found trying to hit a tee-shot more than 250 yards straight to be much more difficult.

18

Another trick to laundry is to work at Wal-Mart for a year in the apparel departments. I hate folding, but by Og, I can fold!

sending some more sticky thoughts

19

beta-beta beta beta beta-beta beta beta beta-beta beta beta mushroom mushroom!

cough sorry. Sounds like things are going great! If I end up living near Yokohama, I wouldn’t mind helping with the housework once a week or whenever. Dopers unite!

20

The secret to folding t-shirts is to hang them on hangers.

You’re welcome.