Congratulations! I have a son myself, just came out about a year or so ago. I may have written about it here. He is 16. It’s sometimes been weird. Not bad so much but I did grieve something. Like I guess I’m not against men or anything but for 14 years it was me and my girls and then suddenly it was awkward and he didn’t want to do stuff he used to do. I never let him know anything bothered me though. I just kind of struggled sometimes and felt guilty about that. But then I got in a great group with some parents in the same situation and found out it’s perfectly normal to feel a type of grief. I have an awesome son and I’ve learned a lot actually. I realized I make some misandrist jokes sometimes not thinking and he’s corrected me and once I said but you’re not like that, I mean like “cis men” and that really pissed him off. That’s the day I was like OH. I get it now. He doesn’t want to be seen as a trans man, he wants to be seen as a man. Period. And I wasn’t doing that at first.
ANYWAY… congrats. 
I bet you’ll still enjoy the same stuff. She’s the same person. She’s just a different gender.
My nephew is a trans man, who came out around 2017 at the age of 26 or 27. Prior to that, of course, he was “living as a girl” as it’s sometimes expressed. Everyone in our family was OK with it except for his mom, who grieved mightily the loss of her baby girl. This reaction wasn’t something she wanted, wasn’t something she intended, and she struggled with it for years. Went to therapy, support groups, family education. The rest of us, aside from occasionally using the wrong pronoun by mistake, didn’t feel a sense of personal loss.
It made me think “How do we recognize that another person is really them?” as in, face, body language, voice, presence.
My nephew now seems a lot happier inside his own skin. Still the same person, with slightly different surface features is all. He described to me in some detail the process by which he determined to transition, starting in his early teens. He now has a light beard and a deeper voice, which makes it easier to respond to him as the male that he feels himself to be. He also does not seem to have the same crippling depression and anxiety, although he always hid this.
When he told his Nana, his mother’s mother, her response was simply, “Did you think we would love you any less?”
Congratulations and it’s really fantastic that you are accepting of this.
We kinda wanted “one of each”, and it turns out that’s what we got. It just took us more than 20 years to find out. Our son got to find out in person, since he left for college a couple of days later.
This. It is difficult to achieve even without being born in the wrong body. I wish her, and you, the best life.
Congratulations!
< no cigar required >
One of my sister’s daughters came out as non-binary this year (I learned in the family’s end of the year newsletter). New preferred name, third-person plural pronouns. My daughter still has a cousin, but I have yet to learn if I should still introduce them as my “niece,” should the occasion arise (the clan lives some thousand miles to the north of me). I guess it’s just “my sister’s kid” until further notice.
That has been a big issue for me and my youngest child, formerly my daughter. At 21, my youngest child makes them sound like they are four or five. Though since they are someone who was raised as a girl, presents femme and understands the idea of code switching in certain groups I just use “daughter.” (And I’m so happy mine understands that habits are hard to break and sometimes code switching is important. The drama a friend has undergone because occasionally they referred to their daughter as “he” in a slip “you don’t respect me, you don’t accept me!” is not something I envy.)
I also get the mourning the gender of the child you have. I’ve been lucky in that because mine hasn’t completely rejected the trappings of the gender in which they were raised (they were home over Christmas and now I need to buy more nail polish - some of my favorites went back to college with them. I also lost an eyeliner and a skirt). But going through this I realized that I had a lot of emotional attachment to “my little girl” (I also have emotional attachment to “my little boy” - and since he’s always been very boy, I think it would be even harder with him).
I had an acquaintance I’ve talked to four or five times in my life reach out to me out of the blue over the Summer. Her Freshman in high school has come out as NB and she was mourning the loss of the Senior pictures and the loss of prom dress shopping (as her Freshman has gone for androgyny). That’s tough. Its a minor sort of toughness, unimportant in the greater scheme of your kid being happy - which in part makes it even tougher. People shouldn’t be too tough on parents who love their kids, but have mixed feelings about the whole thing.
I’m glad you are okay with it.
This was harder for my husband than me: I had transfriends thanks to FB games, I also had LG friends who we (school friends) thought but then came out years later and SDMB’s Una really opened my eyes and mind.
We thought “he” was gay or asexual. We all love her and are glad she is living her life. Last summer she got her name and gender changed. Everyone who knows has been supportive.
I’m hoping this summer once she’s back from University… she’ll either ride her dirt bike or allow us to gift it to one of her younger cousins/2nd cousins. And be ok with us giving away the go-cart, too. And maybe she’ll want to do more than just play online (other than the occasional fat dogs walks.)
She’ll get to keep her rifle (she passed the class to earn it) and maybe, just maybe, she’ll want a car for her Junior Year. Her brothers got them then… back in high school Junior Year. Uni=city busses.
She turns 20 this year and the next day I turn 51. It sucks because I won’t eat out, she’s 50 miles away and… I’m missing her hard since today we took her back to her dorm room. She has a class this semester that requires her to be in person. I don’t like eating out even w/o a pandemic but throw in being in Iowa?
@mistymage, you may be surprised that she wants to hold on to the kart and dirt bike. These things aren’t gender determined the way advertising would have you think. But she’s going through a huge time of discovery and dragging you with. She may want to pass those items on, she may want to keep them. Just be clear with her that your house is not her childhood storage unit.
I’m sorry she had to go back to campus. My friend’s 21 y.o. was thrilled to go back though; he was chafing at living back home. Maybe you can bring a cold meal to share one day? Despite today’s winter weather, spring isn’t far away.
And thank you for your patience with her gender journey.