Spider, you said it yourself: “The problem is I drink a lot.” I wouldn’t go so far as to call you an alcoholic. You’re in college. Drunkenness on the weekend is to be expected. Shitfaced, blacked-out, wet-sheet drunkenness is not. Most people do not piss themselves after a night of wild, Bacchus-raised-an-eyebrow drinking, because most people haven’t been that drunk more than a few times. The reason your bladder no longer heeds your commands is that you’ve been so drunk so often with so much regularity. If you want to stop pissing the bed, the best advice I can give you is to ease back on the throttle a little bit. Your tolerance has reached the point that you probably can’t get a proper drunk on without imbibing enough booze to get your liver declared a Superfund site. Plus, I’d imagine you now go straight from not feeling anything to rip-snortin’ drunk, totally overshooting the pleasant buzz which is the usual aim of a night of drinking.
It’s going to take some effort on your part, and a reappraisal of your party idiom, but if you want to reclaim the good parts of alcohol and stop ruining mattresses, you’ll have start nursing beers and bowing out of a few kegstands. You may even come to the conclusion of a Friday night completely sober a few times. Keep your chin up, it’s all for the greater good.
