we have noted your response to the thread and placed it in our mental circular files. thank you for posting.
And this is from someone who knows about uninformed and irresponsible advice.
Sorry, but discussion on this topic has been tabled until the 1-kid and 4-kid votes are in.
Damn it I only have another 2 kid vote of agree 100%.
Well I suppose I could disown one or adopt two but that seems a bit over the top to get a vote in
Oh, we see how you are.
What this board lacks is a sense of sacrifice!
I’m honestly torn between “the OP is just terrible at explaining things properly” and “the OP keeps making up new details to make herself look less careless.”
There’s a place for that on this board, and it’s called MPSIMS.
:rolleyes: Yes, by all means, continue in a streak of multiple cross-country moves to live with men you barely know in a place where you have no other support structure or job leads.
You, on the other hand, have somehow always been senile.
No, you keep giving shitty explanations. If you tell a story and everybody hears it the same wrong way, the problem isn’t them, it’s you.
As you observed, arranged marriages are a whole 'nother kettle of fish, because they depend on both parties making a real commitment to a relationship with someone they barely know, in the hope and understanding that they will grow to love, or at least respect, each other.
The crap is coming because she made a choice. It didn’t work out, so instead of of taking any responsibility for her actions, she pits the douchbag.The guy has every right in the world to change his mind once they started living together. So did she when she got to NYC. She might have thought to herself, he ain’t what I want. Then packed up her stuff and moved back to where ever she came from.
Then we could have read a post from a heartbroken man who thought he found the woman of his dreams who made a move to his town, but changed her mind and left.
No one forced her to pack a three year old kid up and go to NYC with a guy she met online five months earlier.
I’d like to hear his side of the story.
Really, the douchebaggery doesn’t come from inviting her to come live with him and then changing his mind. That’s more immature than douchebaggish. He’s a douchebag because he asked her to come live with him, changed his mind after she got there, *and then *asked her to sleep with him again when he was in town.
[quote=“thegirlwholived, post:176, topic:563743”]
Question: How in the hell are you supposed to get a job somewhere if you don’t live there? I’m in the education field and they simply do not interview for those jobs over the phone.
[QUOTE]
Well, I am going to call foul on that one. I work for a large education non-profit and my sister is a trainer for high school teachers.
My firm has multiple positions and we cast our net nationwide; consequently, the first several rounds of interviews are all by phone before in-person interviews are scheduled. I went through three different phone interviews before being hired – and subsequently relocating as I write this – and my sister confirms that she also conducts phone interviews for teachers and educators in her district.
Me thinks you are not networked well enough in your field to conduct an adequate job search and are, perhaps, relying on older methods of career development. In this day-and-age, it is very much the opposit of what you are describing.
You forgot the slash on the quote-closing tag, if that helps.
Eh, idk. Plenty of people fuck their exes. Sex is just sex for a lot of people.
I gotta wonder…
Apparently moving to the city you always dreamed of moving to be with a man who claims to love you and wanting to marry you (and accepting your kid in the process) is the height of irresponsibility because it “might not work out” and your 3 year old kid will be scarred for life if it doesnt.
Now, here comes the wondering part. How many of you on your high and mighty horses NEVER EVER had sex until you were married and years into a commited relationship that you were pretty darn sure would last forever (with forever being about a 50 percent sucess rate I guess)?
Seems to me accidental PROCREATION with someone who might very well NOT be THE ONE is a boatload more irresponsible and impacting on the resulting love child than taking a chance and just fricking moving across country with one already made.
I’d say moving back home to make things right again is a bit better than an abortion.
There are all kinds of ways to make sure I don’t get knocked up. Because I invoke those options, I don’t have to weigh all my life choices around the happiness, success, and mental stability of my children.
If I did have kids, a lot of the shit I do on the day to day would be tremendously irresponsible. Trust me. Because I don’t have kids, how I live my life is no biggie at all.
Sex with an ex is one thing. A guy who completely jerked you aroud and fucked up your life expecting you to still put out for him is completely different.
How the hell is this remotely related to anything?
1.) Birth control is very good at preventing pregnancy if you do it right.
2.) It something goes wrong, I can:
a.) Get an abortion. Your silly made-up religious woo aside, I’m not killing a person if I get rid of a glob of cells or a fetus that’s a few weeks or a few months old.
b.) Carry the pregnancy to term and give the baby up for adoption.
c.) Carry the pregnancy to term and raise the baby myself; shockingly, many children grow up fine with only one parent.
Moving was not “the height of irresponsibility” because “it might not work out.” It was irresponsible because she didn’t have the background with this person to accurately judge his commitment, responsibility, and intentions. If she had moved and stayed after they broke up, then I’d say, “Eh, big deal,” but she clearly had *no *support structure in place other than this one guy that she apparently didn’t know as well as she thought she did. Moving cross-country with your child just to be with a man you’ve been involved with for less than half a year, with no other support in the area, a job lined up, etc., is naive.
I agree 52.76% with her post and I have a three week old.
OMG! I DID NOT meet him online, Kevja!
The NY Department of Education does not do phone interviews, trust me, I asked to my recruiter.
The WHOLE point of my thread was not that he was a douchebag because of the asking me to move then breaking it off, it was because after all that he came back here and expected me to be ok with sleeping with him for the hell of it. It was very upsetting to be reassured over and over again that he wanted to be a family and then have him change his mind, but the part that kills me is thinking after I told him I didn’t even want to be friends for awhile, he sends me a text asking me to have sex with him while he was in town.
I thought I knew him. He was a very good actor it appears, since he turned out to not want what he told me he wanted. I could go find all his emails, poems, songs, letters, etc. And post them for you all to read and let you see what convinced me it was worth a shot – but I really just want to let it go.
When I posted the thread he had just texted me so I was pissed about it, but honestly I’m on my way to being over it. Other than talking about it on this thread, I hardly think about it.
OK. I get it. I think. You had some kind of long distance relationship with him but did not meet online. He indicates that he wants to live with you and be a father to your young son telling you in person or by text, emails, poems or over the phone. That’s the #1 problem with long distance relationships, based on texts, emails, phone calls , letters, etc. NOTHING can replace in person to person contact! Even five months is a short time to move 1500 miles with a guy you see in person everyday. Then after you’ve made the move, he changes his mind after a month. But still wants to hook up with you after the breakup.
I’m sorry this happened to you. But really, what were you thinking? You know a man for five months and it sounds like you didn’t spend most of that time together - AS IN PERSON - and you move 1500 miles to live with him with a three year old in tow.
And the REASON you’re pitting him is for wanting to have sex with you after the breakup. Oh my. Why wouldn’t he attempt it? You went hook, line and sinker for everything else.
As I said, I’d like to hear his side of the story.
Sounds like your firm is doing more of an an executive search, or looking for candidates with specific experience. Most entry level positions for a Masters in Education are going to be as teachers. In the New York area, no school district is going to look beyond applications in house unless they have very specific requirements, which would not be filled by a new graduate.
In my not very extensive experience, there appear to be two main reasons:
- he was trying to convince himself,
- he thought he wouldn’t get what he wanted (friendship, perhaps with benefits) unless he brought the big M to the table. I had a boyfriend who did that - I kicked his ass out of my life when I realized that Mr “I want you to be the mother of my children”, “…when we get married…” was as interested in marriage as I am in the sexual mores of sea cucumbers (and no, I am not a marine sexologist).
Future reference: The title of a thread generally indicates the main subject. And the title of this thread would seem to indicate that the main subject of it was that he asked you to move and then dumped you… Not that he asked you to move, dumped you, and then expected you to keep putting out. The last bit seemed like just an especially dickish afterthough.
I would be interested in the sexual mores of sea cucumbers! Have you ever held one? It’s like cold cheese melting all over your hand. So awesome!