See, those last couple posts are all heartwarming and shit. They get it. Unlike socially-retarded assholes, who really should be pitied. And probably locked up for the sake of the children.
Saying shit isn’t making a commitment. He had no fat in the fire. He didn’t move, he didn’t pay moving costs either way (presumably), he didn’t give up his little friends for 5 months, he didn’t get a new job. He said stuff. That isn’t a commitment. Guys like this should post a bond. The ladies should insist.
There is a reason that before you can drive the new car off the lot that you must sign the papers and make a down payment. The going will get rougher than it is, and with nothing at risk for the fickle fellow, why wouldn’t he walk away?
Hey, look at the bright side, you could have ended up living with a complete douche for an indeterminate number of years.
For the record, I moved 15.000 kilometers (that’s 9000 miles for the metric impaired :D) to live with a girl I’ve known only through the Internet for a year.
Four years ago and getting better and better; it just takes the right combination of people.
I’m trying to pity you but I keep coming up with contempt. I’ll work on it.
Sooo, thegirlwholived you’re saying you’re single now?
If there wasn’t a child involved in this situation, it wouldn’t be such a big bad deal. People move to new continents to live with someone they met on the internet every day. I know a few couples who are successful with this. BUT, they don’t have kids yet. That is a huge life event for a child. Kids generally don’t like change, and moving 1500 miles to a new house, new father figure, new school, new friends, etc., and then having to move AGAIN after a short while because mom and the father figure didn’t both really think this through is a bad bad thing for a little kid.
I am truly sorry this happened to the OP. It’s emotionally and likely financially draining. But when you’re taking a risk for ‘love’ like this, you have to be way more picky and sure about things when a child is involved. If it had been a couple of years of long distance, where they’ve both visited each other a number of times, the child has gotten to know the new guy (and generally likes him), maybe then you produce that huge upheaval in a child’s life. But not after five months.
Either way, hopefully she learned from this mistake and won’t do it again. I don’t think the kid could take much more of it.
Yep, what douchebag. You and your child are very very lucky to get out of this relationship so quickly.
The two years you spent trading lolcatz and working up the nerve to reveal your adult diaper fetish don’t really count, as such things are counted.
I feel for the OP, who is certainly in a rough position, but there’s clearly another side to the story. I’m sure the guy wouldn’t frame it the way she did, but we can’t hear his side. Maybe he thought that the whole thing, family included was what he wanted, and it just didn’t work out? Calling him the biggest douche in the universe is pretty unwarranted without knowing a lot more about the events.
But as I said, I do have a lot of sympathy for the OP. No matter how she got here, it’s a tough road ahead.
Absolutely. And that’s what the OP needs to focus on, whenever that little voice in her loins aches to let him come over for that booty call, hoping that he’s seen the errors of his ways and has changed. Or maybe she doesn’t, maybe she’s stronger, wiser (and maybe older) than I was when I was first dating as a single mom and will never be interested in the douchelord again. For her sake, I hope so.
And I also agree with** Lacunae Matata**, who was definitely wiser than I when I started treading the dating waters as a single mom. Don’t introduce your dates to your kid until you’ve been dating (in person!) for quite some time and you’ve got a real sense that things will work out *and *he’s ready for parenthood. The rulebook for dating as a single mom just isn’t the same as dating with no attachments.
Neither party necessarily has to be ill intentioned to simply be short-sighted and immature. I certainly know that young love can foster a naive hubris that can lead to rash decsions and confident commitments that don’t carry any cynicism or malice to them. Relationships that are glossed by the artificiality and selectiveness of the internet can also lead to unrealsitic idealizations and expectations. A guy doesn’t have to be a dick to ask a girl to move, and then get cold feet when the reality of a child (not to mntion the reality of the girl herself) sets in.
Asking her for some casual ass just because he would be in town, though – that’s a dick move.
Wow. Some of the posts I appreciate, others I will choose to ignore. We talked for a few months before starting to “date” even though we were long distance. He came here, I went there a few times, and he didn’t meet my son until about 4 months into the relationship. I, of course, realize that being a single mother and dating is way different than dating without children involved. All I can say is that I believed him when he made the commitment to the both of us. After I came back, he flew here about 3 weeks later to “win me back”. We got back together deciding to do the long distance thing again for a much longer time. I went to visit him for a week, at which he time, he again reassured me that things were going to work out and I should let my guard down and not worry. Three days after I returned from that trip, he broke it off. I told him that was it for me and that I wasn’t going to keep going back and forth with him. Then the whole FWB request came up about 4 days before his already scheduled visit home.
Yes, I’m single. Yes, I feel terrible for putting my son through this (he loved the guy, he’s young so I’m hoping he will not remember this when he’s older) but all I can say is even though I’m not young, I tend to follow my heart probably more than I should.
For what it’s worth, my son doesn’t remember any of the men I dated before he was 6, even though he was very attached to two of them at the time. He’s 17 now.
Are you still in NY or did you go back home?
I am back home now.
Yeah, the FBW request was a truly asshole move on his part.
As far as think he could handle it you and the kid then punking out…well, who knows, maybe he’ll grow up and get a little more mature later in his life. Or maybe not. Either way it really is a for the best that he was honest about it as opposed to wasting every body’s time for several months or years.
Bummer. I’m sorry you went through this,
How old are you?
Sorry to hear about your bad experience.
Did you at least get to have a little fun living in NYC? Maybe it’s an experience you can look back on with some fond memories once you get settled back down again.
You do that. I’d like to see people not do this sort of thing, so I’m not going to pretend it was all hearts and flowers. The little boy was hurt and his development stifled. If it doesn’t happen again, then it is water under the bridge except for the damage done. What this woman did to her son should not have happened. She was young and naive and this kind of thing happens all the time, but that is no reason to let her boyfriend walk all over her and her son emotionally and financially. Without some kind of security (a ring, a bond, etc.) this was just foolishness.
When a man cannot find a girlfriend in NYC, there is something wrong with him when he starts something with a woman 1,500 miles away. Duh. It is no different than a mail order bride.
Yes, I understand that people in love are not exactly thinking things through, but perhaps they should.