I pit lousy food at holiday dinners (Moved from the Pit)

AWWWWW what’s wrong? Poor baby! My little post disagreeing with your OP is nothing compared to the scathing people usually get there. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen, you pompous foodie ass.

You’re just being paranoid. And anyway, who cares if someone says something behind your back? If it’s behind your back, that means you didn’t hear it, so what’s it to you?

Well, shucks. :frowning:

You can come over to my place, though. I’ve got tons of green bean casserole.

Well, all our food tasted fine, but i think i ended up with a case of mild food poisoning. I’ve spent most of the day lying down with stomach cramps and nausea and diarrhea, and with no appetite at all.

I actually suspect the vegetarian roast thing i bought from the Rainbow Market in San Francisco, because i was the only person to eat it, and no-one else has had any problems. Also, every time i burp, it’s been repeating on me all day. Yuck.

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius

Real Men of Genius

Today we salute you, Mr. Too-Clever-to-Allow-Anyone-Close-Enough-to-Your-Life-to-Criticize-You-Behind-Your-Back.

Mr. Too-Clever-to-Allow-Anyone-Close-Enough-to-Your-Life-to-Criticize-You-Behind-Your-Back!

From your unlisted telephone number to the mail drop that you use as an address on your driver’s license, every aspect of your identity is completely secure.

Just like Double-Oh Seven!

You even leave the default announcement message on when you buy a new answering machine.

Who the HELL do you think you’re calling paranoid?

As for personal contact, nobody’s crossing your threshold, whether it’s the White-Gloved Dust Inspector, or the Guest Bathroom Medicine Cabinet Snoop.

That’s a LOT of suppositories!

So crack open a frosty Bud Light, Mr. Too-Clever-to-Allow-Anyone-Close-Enough-to-Your-Life-to-Criticize-You-Behind-Your-Back. Because they can’t talk about you when you’re gone if they’ve never known you were there.

Mr. Too-Clever-to-Allow-Anyone-Close-Enough-to-Your-Life-to-Criticize-You-Behind-Your-Back.


WOW. That was SO brilliant, I really can’t believe it took you only 5 minutes to post that.

Yeah, there’s no one in my life because I rarely host boring dinner parties at my house. Gee, you have me figured out to a tee. You and the other posters on this thread are such ungrateful retards, it is beyond belief.

Let us know when you come up with something funny, in the meantime, stick it up your ass, you stupid cunt.

It was actually funny.

I liked my other one better, myself, to tell you the truth. But YOU really need a nap, young man!

They can come over here and eat because I agree with the entire thing.

Look, there is a LOT on tv around the holidays on cooking the perfect turkey, so there is no excuse for a bad turkey other than following an old ancient incorrect way of cooking learned in the dark ages. There is no reason for crappy mashed potatoes, and no reason to overcook veggies into mush, or green bean puke. Many people cook the way their mothers did, and the food sucks ass.

I have tempered the food I cook with changes in cooking methods, my turkey is cooked nowhere near how my mother or grandmothers cook did it, and it is worlds better. I have taken an old recipe for cranbery chutney from teh family cookbook and modified it by changing the type of oranges I use the skin of as flavoring, and use splenda instead of sugar to allow it for diabetics, I tweak the pie recipes and discovered a better crust recipe that comes out flakey every time. You can still have familiar foods without them sucking ass. And if you reserve the pan drippings, you dont need a jar of gravy or a packet of mix.

If you’re going to go through the effort to decorate, clean and get ready for company, you may as well go all out and learn how to make a good meal. There is no dearth of information on how to cook a turkey, make mashed potatoes that don’t taste like library paste, and decent gravy. I’ve also been to gatherings that were otherwise pleasant, but sitting at the table and watching people (including the host) choking down lousy food put a serious damper on the festivities. I’m also not saying you have to be Martha Stewart; Lord knows I’m pretty far from her level of domestic perfection. All I’m saying is learn to follow a fucking recipe.

Look, I believe in social niceties, and I’ll thank the host for his hospitality. That doesn’t mean I have to like the food.

Reading this thread makes me realize how lucky I am to come from a family of good cooks!

Seriously, I’ve never understood the whole “let one person cook for everyone” idea. Our family get togethers tend to be pretty large, so we’ve always let everyone bring a couple of dishes. When my mom hosts, she usually makes the (fabulous) turkey and cornbread dressing, and everyone else brings side dishes, breads, and desserts. Less stress for everyone, plus if there’s a crappy cook in the lot, we have plenty of alternatives!

  1. Reminder

Please avoid this from now on. No warning issued.

  1. I’m moving this thread from The Pit to Cafe Society.

Pit Moderator

I could make a comment about the aforementioned term and fine dining, but I shall refrain.

Our Christmas dinner was superb. But then, we ate out. :smiley:

The people who I know who cook horribly have no idea that their food is horrible, thus they’re never motivated to figure out how to make it better. Truly! My M-i-L has great hubris about her cooking, and views Mr. Athena and I as snobs because we prefer fresh vegetables to canned and would rather go without turkey than eat a dried out leathery bird.

If that makes me a snob. so be it, I’ll live with it. Especially since it comes from the woman who told us that if we offered to take her to any restaurant in the world, her #1 choice would be Long John Silvers.

You obviously don’t get out much. You probably think children’s knock-knock jokes are funny, as well.

Orange you glad I didn’t say “St. Anger”? HA HAAAAAA!!!


LJS is OK for lunch once in a while if your office is near one. Oh, wait. That’s Red Lobster. Either way, they’re both the Denny’s of fish restaurants.

I still don’t get why people still do the typical green bean casserole when there are so many other options. One year my husband was in charge of bringing it. He used fresh green beans and mushrooms and made a white sauce using various cheeses. He topped it off with home-made onion rings. It was out of this world. I had done a search on Gourmet Green Bean Casserole and he sort of mixed and matched and added his own touches.

WAG: Typical GBC tends to be the choice when a single cook is carrying the entire load, because it doesn’t add all that much effort to the job. This has made it a familiar dish, and non-threatening to the tyro who’s asked to contribute for the first time.

GBC is also popular because it’s not seasonal. You can get canned green beans, canned mushroom soup and canned French-fried onions any time of the year, and most people have at least two of the three ingredients already in their cabinet. It’s crazy easy to make, but it’s “fancy” enough that it’s not an everyday side.