What next, are you going to try to assert that children don’t always do their homework unless reminded, don’t always avoid junk food because they are all health conscious and long-term thinkers, and also don’t always engage in thoughtful, rational debate and understanding when told that they can’t do something?
Blasphemy!
I guess the ones I’ve encountered have been obstinately unwilling to accept their responsibilities. I’ve coddled them, enabling this behavior by insisting they do their homework, etc.
Yeah. To those that have pointedly advised me how my sons are old enough to do these things, I acknowledge that this may be so in practice, but it doesn’t happen in reality. Especially since the divorce their mom has been concentrating on being the “fun friend mom” rather than an enforcer as a parent. That job has fallen to me, and my kids mildly resent it, but I don’t care.
They will spend more time with her than with me over the summer, then it’s back to the school schedule in early August where I have them Sunday afternoon through Friday evening. I am a positive influence on their lives, their mother is…well, not I guess.
I love them so very much and just want them to grow up with a good sense of what they need to do to take care of themselves, aside from their general well being this eliminates one more issue they will contend with as they become teenagers, which will be a whole other ball of wax.
I’ve raised two daughters. After they started school, I never monitored their brushing or bathing. It was just part of their nighttime routine and I assumed it was being done.
My youngest daughter actually went through a period of several weeks when she lost her toothbrush and didn’t tell me. When I found out, I was appalled and took her to the dentist, assuming she’d have a mouthful of cavities. She didn’t have any. She’d been using her fingers as a toothbrush and it worked just fine. So while she was certainly clueless, she was still quite capable of brushing her teeth all on her own.
Well your kids must be very special.
Huh. My mom stopped monitoring my teeth brushing after she’d determined that I learned how to do it correctly. Occasionally she’d ask if I’d brushed them, I’d say yes, and that was the end of it. And yes, I always had. I brushed my teeth daily (still do!) because I was supposed to. No, I was not some super obedient special child, but brushing my teeth fell into that category of things I just did.
But still, the ex wife is being an ass.
And they will grow up with the good sense you’re trying to instill in them, because you will keep reminding them and reminding them and reminding them until you are nearly crazy yourself with doing so, and one day all of a sudden they’ll remember on their own! It really does happen.
I spent a good three years teaching my kids to clean the living room and kitchen properly (by my admittedly mediocre standards). I stood nearby and pointed to every single thing that needed to be done, made sure it was done to completion, and then asked, “What should you do next?” followed by answering that question myself most of the time. FINALLY, about 1.5 years ago it all clicked. Now, when I leave a note for them (they are 12 and 14) that says “Please clean living room and kitchen”…they know what to do and they do it. It’s a blessing but it did not happen overnight.
You sound like a decent, stable dad, and with that and a little luck, they’ll be just fine.
There is of course the related condition known as Male Dirt Blindness, wherein a man can look at, say, an end table with a quarter inch of dust on it and say, “This place looks fine for having company over.”
Then of course, there’s Don’t Get Up Syndrome. You know, where one must conceal at all costs just what it is you’re looking for, for fear your spouse will get up and help you look. Even if she could tell you where it is and save you 20 minutes of opening drawers and cabinets and increasingly frantic rummaging and swearing, and save her 20 minutes of listening to it.
Oh well. I suffer from congenital inherited Getting Around To It Syndrome and have no room to talk.
It’s amazing what human beings are capable of doing when you stop helicoptering them.
It’s also amazing how many people can go through life thinking all kids are just like theirs.
It’s not helicoptering to insist kids do something when they aren’t doing it. Helicoptering would be continuing to check up on them when you don’t need to. Obviously the OP’s kids still need to be checked on, because they aren’t yet handling it themselves.
I often wonder how many helicoptering parents are just that way because their kid is more forgetful or more defiant. And the opposite–how many people look down on such helicoptering because their kids are more trustworthy.
And I say this as someone who brushed his teeth all the time–I was in love with routines. That doesn’t mean I think every kid is.
You do realize that cavities don’t just form over the period of “several weeks” of not brushing. It doesn’t work that way. And a finger is in no way a good replacement for a toothbrush, nor did it have anything to do with her not having any cavities.
This is one of the most WTF posts I’ve read around here and that’s saying something.
Glad to hear your kids are mostly disciplined though and brush their teeth without having to be asked 
Thank you! And I sure hope so. They are good boys for the most part. I just need them to start doing these things without having to be asked.
I did sit down with them yesterday before their Mom came to get them and had a “man to man” talk with them about how important it was that they do these simple things if they want to help to live long, happy lives.
Lisa, I don’t helicopter my kids. I don’t get any positive reinforcement from my former lesser half and since my sons spend a significant amount of time with her and since part of being in a routine is doing something every day, and then when they are with her they don’t do it every day, then it fails to become a routine.
There are things that are routine at my house that will never be at the ex’s. Flossing is one. We do it every night. I finally sent some floss over to his place in desperation, and I understand it has been very useful in crafting projects. :sigh:.
Teach your children what to do, and why to do it. After that, well, character consists of what they do when you are not looking. Your kids are getting an opportunity to build character. Good for you in having the talk with them, I hope it helps.
And may God someday save us all* from the family court system that forces safe, responsible parents to send their children into negative or even dangerous places ona regular basis, under the guise of “Parental Rights.”
*because it’s clear the government never will
[QUOTE=flatlined]
We are in the pit, shouldn’t we now be having a screaming chick fight for the entertainment of all?
looks you over Girlfriend, those shoes make your butt look flat.
How’s that for hitting below the belt?
[/QUOTE]
Oh yeah? Well your body makes your clothes look fugly. There, I said it.
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His dental hygiene is one area where I have nothing but good to say about my ex. For entirely different reasons over the last few weeks my son has pushed me to hair pulling levels of frustration and I have thought “well, you did pick a jackass to be his father…”
My son is finishing 10th grade next week and still responds with “uhh, I forgot” about eight out of the fourteen times each week I ask him if he remembered to brush his teeth. If there isn’t really discipline or structure there your boys probably see it more like a vacation than part of their routine.
I have, in a plastic tooth fairy box in my dressing table drawer, a fairly large molar with a huge cavity. I had it extracted because I couldn’t afford a post and crown. When he pulled it the dentist exclaimed "Jesus Christ, look at that root! It’s a doozie. A few times over the years when my son has resisted and said “but WHY do I have to brush my teeth tonight?” I’ve simply gone to the drawer and waved my gnarly tooth before his eyes. “That’s why”
I don’t have any actual helpful advice. About two years after we split up my unhelpful, non-disciplining, let’s watch horror movies with the toddler, ex moved 3000 miles away.
My kids quickly learned that there were different rules at Mom’s house and Dad’s house. For my own sanity unless his rules endangered their lives I had to give up trying to control the rules at Dad’s house.
It’s a long hard road being the responsible parent but the payoff is huge. I have two amazing adults who call me, tell me about their lives and have thanked me for giving them a sense of responsibility. That doesn’t mean it didn’t suck when they screamed about Dad loving them more because he let them “x” but it is worth it in the long run.