[QUOTE=featherlou]
Yeah, you need to get your finances untangled. Your ex still has you with access to her credit card? I’d get all of this fixed as soon as possible; your ass is swinging in the breeze in many ways here. The two of you are coming across as completely naive financially; that will usually bite you in the butt eventually.
[/QUOTE]
I can’t use her card, but I can look at the balance and see what she’s been doing with it. I told her this and she ignored it.
Yes, we did fuck up financially, but I’ve gotten myself in pretty good shape.
Speaking of which, I had a MasterCard that was maxed out (about $6k). I called CitiCorp and explained my situation. I could pay the minimum payment each month, but the interest would send the total back over the limit and I’d be penalized. I asked them if they could help and they basically told to go fuck myself and pay the charges. They didn’t even pretend to want to help. I’m not going to pretend it’s not my fault, but these CC companies like to tell you they’re there to help, but they lie.
I was able to get a loan to pay them off. The loan payment is much less than the CC payment and, at least the balance will go down and there’s no penalties other than late fees. I have it set up on automatic draft and I plan my expenses around it, so there’s no chance of missing a payment.
When we were first married, her financial situation was a nightmare, She kept the bills in a basket and would pay them when she could. I got sick of not having any money, so I went through the mess and, after 2 years, got everything under control. She lucked up and got an inheritance and that helped. I will admit I like to buy stuff, so I’m not looking for sympathy about my financial situation. I’ve managed to control myself and only buy goodies when I have the cash.
I was looking through the phone book for a divorce lawyer. I googled her and found her website. I sent an email describing my situation and asked her if I had a case. I didn’t expect an answer so quickly, but here’s what she said:
That doesn’t make sense from what you’ve said here. You are divorced from this woman, and you want your name off of a mortgage that you took out together when you were married for a house that she lives in, not you. It sounds like the lawyer is saying that you can’t get your name off of that mortgage, which is flat-out bullshit. I’d keep asking.
[QUOTE=featherlou]
That doesn’t make sense from what you’ve said here. You are divorced from this woman, and you want your name off of a mortgage that you took out together when you were married for a house that she lives in, not you. It sounds like the lawyer is saying that you can’t get your name off of that mortgage, which is flat-out bullshit. I’d keep asking.
[/QUOTE]
I’ve emailed a couple of other lawyers and will be calling others this week.
Let me tell ya, the past couple of days have been another rollercoaster of unpleasant emotions. I’m trying to deal with this whole mess, but it ain’t easy. It’s a good thing I’m not one to act on impulse.
I’ve been in contact with a couple of lawyers who all tell me I don’t have a case. They say it’s up to the lender to let me off the hook. I’ve got a call to the lender now to see what they can do.
[QUOTE=nyctea scandiaca] Eric, I understand your pain. You do have a right to be told the truth. You were in a marriage and she broke the vows, and you deserved to at least be told the truth so you could move on with closure, and a clean slate, and the truth, instead of just being left hanging, and in the dark, wondering what went wrong.
All the people saying saying “move on” are being insensitive… It’s not like you’re pining away for her… you’ve been wronged but she is such a coward that she won’t give you the piece of knowledge so you can validate your hurt, and move on.
It’s bad enough to cheat, but not to come clean after the relationship has ended adds insult to injury, because the other person never really knows what happened, and they always will wonder, or wonder if they are somehow to blame. They have a right to know the truth.
[/QUOTE]
Seconded.
She’s a lying cheat. It’s a wonder she can stand upright what with the congenital lack of spine and all.
I think maybe you’ve been asking the wrong question - of course the bank won’t take you off the mortgage for nothing; you need to ask about things like your wife buying out your part or you want her to sell the place and give you your share. This is a two-way street; if your name is still on the mortgage as a borrower, you can start proceedings to sell the place - if you can be held responsible, you have to have some power, too. People who have a mortgage together get divorced all the time and both parties don’t continue to share finances. I hope the lender gives you a little better advice. If not, maybe try a real estate lawyer.
[QUOTE=featherlou]
I think maybe you’ve been asking the wrong question - of course the bank won’t take you off the mortgage for nothing; you need to ask about things like your wife buying out your part or you want her to sell the place and give you your share. This is a two-way street; if your name is still on the mortgage as a borrower, you can start proceedings to sell the place - if you can be held responsible, you have to have some power, too. People who have a mortgage together get divorced all the time and both parties don’t continue to share finances. I hope the lender gives you a little better advice. If not, maybe try a real estate lawyer.
[/QUOTE]
How can I try to sell the place if my name isn’t on the deed?
She’s a lying cheat. It’s a wonder she can stand upright what with the congenital lack of spine and all.
Good riddance to her.
(And yet, I wonder who the guy was…)
[/QUOTE]
When she asked for the divorce, she couldn’t even look me in the eye. The fact that she refuses to admit the cheating at least tells me there’s a smidgen of guilt.
You want to know what really sucks? I’d bought her one of those “Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow” pendants for our anniversary and was going to give it to her early to cheer her up after her surgery.
[QUOTE=Eric Halfabee]
How can I try to sell the place if my name isn’t on the deed?
[/QUOTE]
It isn’t on the deed, so you have no claim to the title of the house, but your name is on the mortgage, so you are responsible for payments on something you don’t own? I’m really not understanding this.
Sadly, a post like this should be read and reread by anyone in the beginning stages of a divorce. The OP tried to be a ‘nice guy’, work it out without a lawyer and settle amicably.
He has succeeded in placing himself under the thumb of his ex who has no obligation to let him go.
Regardless of anyone’s preconceptions and misconceptions of the profession, lawyers are experts in law and should be consulted when dealing with such issues, early and often.
FWIW I am now separated from my wife of 10 years. Though I negotiated the terms of my separation, I engaged a lawyer who stood silently behind me during the entire event and guided me. {I believe “You’re a fucking idiot - don’t do that!” was uttered more than once} In the end we came to mutually agreeable terms that were arrived with only moderate pain.
Interestingly I was also able to manage the situation such that we did not go to court. We did our own negotiating.
In the end my legal advice cost me about $10000. However, I saw that in savings from alimony, child support and debt assumption from the moment we signed our separation agreement, and I save about $600/mo from our initial positions forever more.
Please continue to search for a lawyer, perhaps a financial / tax / real estate professional. Do not go at it alone. Hire a professional.
[QUOTE=2gigch1]
Sadly, a post like this should be read and reread by anyone in the beginning stages of a divorce. The OP tried to be a ‘nice guy’, work it out without a lawyer and settle amicably.
[/quote]
This. I trusted her and see where that got me.
[QUOTE=2gigch1]
Please continue to search for a lawyer, perhaps a financial / tax / real estate professional. Do not go at it alone. Hire a professional.
[/QUOTE]
I visited one of those “state your case and a lawyer might contact you” sites and I got a reply stating I might have something!
[QUOTE=featherlou]
It isn’t on the deed, so you have no claim to the title of the house, but your name is on the mortgage, so you are responsible for payments on something you don’t own? I’m really not understanding this.
[/QUOTE]
I failed to insist that my name go on the title. It was because of all that love and trust bullshit.
I talked with a lawyer today. He said it’s possible to take her to court and force her to refinance and get my name off the loans with my name on them.
He said he could write her a letter (fo ronly $350 :eek: ) telling her that. He said I could do the same thing and tell her if she doesn’t refinance, that I will seek legal recourse (a court case will cost at least $1500, which I would try to get the judge to make her pay).
My letter (sent certified, of course) should give her a deadline to respond, in writing, whether or not she’ll do it.
She knows me well enough that, if I say I’m going to do something, I am going to do it. She should also know that I’ve done my research.
All I want is to be 100% free of her financially as well as emotionally.
