I Pit My Inlaws

The BBQ Pit
1

Fuck you, father-in-law and mother-in-law.

I have never met you (since you couldn’t be bothered to attend when I married your daughter), and, frankly, I couldn’t care less if I ever meet you. You make me sick.

Oh, you’re Christians? Huh. So am I. Born and raised.

And, yet, somehow, I have no fucking idea where you are coming from. (And to quote Dee Snider, profanity has nothing to do with Christianity). Your “Christianity” bears no resemblance to mine. My Christianity believes in forgiveness. My Christianity believes that people are fuckups (and I see myself as a complete fuckup), but we should forgive each other because we are also people who are fuckups. We fuck up, we admit it, and God forgives us. And I forgive your fuckups because I’m a fuckup too.

That said, what kind of fuckup keeps fucking up their own child for nearly 50 years?

My wife, your daughter, is a fuckup. Just like me. Unfortunately, my wife, your daughter, has major health issues. My wife, your daughter, has made many, many poor life decisions. You know, like fuckups do.

Except you can’t accept the fact that people are fuckups. You expect perfection. And you completely fail at understanding what Jesus did and what God wants. And you completely fail at simple humanity.

My wife, your daughter, survived cervical cancer and a hysterectomy. Your daughter survived a police officer husband who pimped her out to his friends, and subjected her to fucking rape, resulting in her suffering from PTSD and night terrors to this day.

And now, she might have breast cancer. On top of all of the other physical and mental/emotional problems she’s having.

So she called you on the phone to tell you what was going on with her, hoping for some encouragement and love from her parents.

And so you told her that her problems are her own fault, and that she deserved what she was getting.

Oh my fucking God. Fuck you. What kind of parent says that to their child? No wonder my wife is her particular variety of fucked up.

So let me say this to you, mother- and father-in-law: FUCK YOU, and I forgive you. But my forgiveness does not mean that I still hope to meet you. I don’t want anything to do with you assholes.

2

Gahhhhh.

My condolences!

Some of the crap people here have to endure just boggles my mind at times.

3

As someone whose mother once said similarly vile to him, my sympathies to you and your wife.

As the son of a breast cancer survivor, I hope for your wife’s complete recovery. If nothing else, then just to spite them.

4

I will pray that your wife survives her tangle with breast cancer. It can very well be beaten. Heck, my maternal grandmother had a mastectomy at ninety-one, and lived to be almost one hundred eight years old.

This is the place to vent and bleed off your frustration ove the situation, so you can be calm when you are with your wife. But don’t let your inlaws poison your own life. Put them out of your mind as best you can.

I wish the both of you all the best. Dopers stick together.

5

This is awesome advice and I second it. I hope your wife gets excellent treatment for her illness.

6

If it helps, keep in mind that they are presumably the product of what their own parents did to them.

For the sake of your wife’s well-being, it’s probably a good idea to give up on looking to them for solace. Fifty years is enough time for them to have proved that they aren’t going to be good parents to her.

I’m sorry that it’s this way; it’s cruelly unfair. Best wishes for her health, and thankfully she has you in her life now.

7

My sympathies for what you have gone through, and what your wife has gone through.
Those people are not worth wasting another ounce of your energy. Still, we know that that has to come out sometimes, so bring it here and rant all you want. We will be here.

8

I had to develop tunnel vision when I went through a similar situation. If your in laws can’t be helpful or supportive, then they are useless to you. Don’t let them distract you from bigger issues, though they really sound horrible. Best of luck in your wife’s battle.

9

I’m not Christian so I don’t have to be eternally concerned with forgiveness. Fuck them. I have no doubt they are already living in the tormented reality they’ve contributed in fostering on others. Judgmental people don’t typically reserve their venom to a few.

10

I came from a really screwed up family as well, and realized that the problem was that they were as fucked up as me. Once I wrote them off my life became that much simpler.

11

I don’t have the book here so can’t scan it, but it works without the picture too:

“God is love! LOVE, YOU MORONS!!!”

I’m glad your wife found you when she did. Best wishes for both of you. The next months are going to be shitty; you know we’re here.

12

Did you bone her yet?

13

:confused:
In the OP he states that he has not met his MIL yet. How could he have “boned her”?

14

He’s referring to the fact that Rik had posted previously about not consummating his marriage, not about boning the MIL.

15

Yikes, this shit be layered.

16

Morgenstern’s question is tacky as hell, but admittedly (based on the information Rik has shared), my first thought was “did you HEAR them say that, or is that being filtered through your wife who is an unreliable narrator, and is it possible that after two marriages, alcoholism, and a lifetime of borderline personality disorder, her parents are just at the end of their rope and can’t handle another crisis?” They have to be elderly, and I tend to cut elderly people a bit of slack.