Yeah, she’s not your roommate. She’s your landlord. And the answer to the question of “why did you take my picture down” can be as simple as “Because it’s my house and I decide what goes on the fridge.”
Let it go. It’s her house, and you gain nothing by making your home-life unlivable. If she’s a bigot, well, that’s too bad. Tack your picture up on the back of your room’s door, or something. This is not a battle worth fighting or one that you can ‘win’.
Is there anything in the lease about personal property in community space, or about who decides how community space is decorated/furnished?
If she didn’t own the house and you guys were strictly roommates, you might have a chance, with things being “equal”. But her owning the house changes everything, and as others have said, you can’t win here. Even* I *would back down and take my picture into my room and just try to get along as best I could until April, whence I would tell her to go fuck herself and I’d move out.
We have a lease until April so I can’t move on until then. A real live lease which states I’m allowed use of all the rooms of the house except her bedroom.
I didn’t start this fight; she did. It’s a fight now, I can’t deny. But I didn’t do anything except put up a picture on the refrigerator. Similar to how she has 5 up there already. It’s a reasonable assumption that, like I put food in cabinets or the refrigerator, I would be allowed to put up a picture there. And again, nothing in the lease states I’m not entitled to do what I’m doing. Nothing states she’s entitled to do what she’s doing. So it has unfortunately become a battle of wills and I will die before backing down.
Or move out–but not until April. I don’t think death is imminent. If I have to keep putting up the fucking picture every single day until I move out, I fucking will.
She’s been avoiding me successfully for now. We work opposite schedules so there’s no chance for a face to face til the weekend. We’ll see what happens then.
No, there is not. That’s why I’m so determined on this. I have been mostly staying in my room and playing on my computer, I hardly ever use the public space. I never watch tv in the living room even though I can. Seriously the only time I come downstairs is to eat or do laundry or coming and going. I don’t see why she is being so fking unreasonable.
The Straight Dope, full of people dieing to tell you to roll over and take in the ass.
I didn’t tell her to be a doormat, I said that acting in a passive-aggressive manner in response to someone acting in a passive-aggressive manner makes her no better than her roommate. I propose that she quit playing her roommate’s game and call her out on it face-to-face, preferably in front of someone else so there will be another person there. My experience with a passive-aggressive roommate (who I now lovingly refer to as The Cunt) taught me that calling them out on their bullshit is the quickest way to end that kind of childish behavior.
Any good lease has some clause that will allow her to kick you out for some reason or other. And if you decide to make her your enemy, she’s going to start figuring out how to fit you into one of those categories.
It’s her house. No lease is going to force her to live with somebody she doesn’t want to live with.
If nothing else, she can throw your stuff out on the street and you’d be stuck with seeking remedies in court – which will probably not be worth your time, money, and effort – and still looking for a place to live.
Look, I know it’s a crappy situation and she’s being unreasonable, unpleasant, and everything else. But it’s her house. Regardless of the lease, it’s her refrigerator and if she pulls your picture off of it, then that’s her right. Same with the driveway. They belong to her. You’re not going to win in this situation.
It’s not a very good lease. She’s not a property manager. Just a page long of agreements. There is no instant kick-out clause (wtf are you smoking?). Even if I did something to violate the lease contract, the only way to remove me is to provide me with a month of written notice. And vice versa on me providing it to her.
lmao, are you fucking serious? It’s a binding legal contract, not a piece of toilet paper.
I’m not sure what third world country you’re referring to, but America doesn’t work this way. Throwing my shit out of the house and changing the locks would be a straight ticket to the courthouse, with damages and penalties for breaking the lease early and making me homeless (and losing me my job, et fucking cetera).
boi, u crazay
It is her house, and her kitchen. Your use of the room does not mean that you get to decorate it.
If you want to decorate your way, buy your own house or rent a private unit.
She might be a bigoted bitch, but she does not have to allow you to decorate as you please.
And I would probably have accepted that reasoning if she had said that (or written a note to that effect) to me in the first place. She didn’t; therefore, it’s on like tron.
A picture on the fridge is not “decorating.”
I didn’t say there was an instant kick out clause. The fact remains that if you piss her off enough, she’ll get you out. So, you’ll have a month’s leeway if you’re lucky. Don’t you think you should be prepared for that?
Do you think binding legal contracts are self-executing? The piece of paper doesn’t have the ability to control your behaviour. It takes two parties to actually decide to adhere to the contract. Contracts are breached all the time, and in the vast majority of cases, no one bothers to take it to court.
And what makes you so sure she’s not willing to risk it? Breaking a lease four months early? She might be willing to pay it, if you piss her off enough.
It would likely take months for you to get remedies in court, and you would still have to find a place to live in the meantime. Why not be prepared for that?
No, I’m not crazy – but your landlord/roomie might be.
And regardless of anything else – it’s her fridge. If she doesn’t want to see your sister’s picture on it, you’ve got no leg to stand on.
[quote]
dec·o·rate (dk-rt)
tr.v. dec·o·rat·ed, dec·o·rat·ing, dec·o·rates
- To furnish, provide, or adorn with something ornamental; embellish.
[/decorate]
I cordially invite you to blow it out your own ass.
Now see if you’d said that, instead of “Then you’re no better than she.” with no elucidation about how to better handle it, I wouldn’t have thought you to be such a tool.
However you then said:
So your toolness is confirmed.
I have been using my available resources to call her on it (wrote a note and an email). The issue is she works mornings and I work nights. When I come home from work she is asleep. When she comes home from work I’m at work. etc. There is no overlap until Saturday.
Anyway from my POV I am not being the least bit unreasonable here. I’m handling whatever problem she has in a reasonable fashion. She hasn’t even told me she has a problem, which is the problem. problemproblemproblemproblem–it’s not even a word anymore! I’ve said it too much.
How long have you been living with roommates? If your roommate owns the house you live in, she sure as shit can throw you out of the house, change the locks, etc. It may not be strictly legal, but most tenants will not bother going through the trouble of suing for damages and penalties and whatnot. Even if you decide to pursue that, it can take months and can cost time, money, and effort that you won’t have when you’re busy looking for a new apartment and a new job. After all that you might not get much - a good friend of mine was in a very similar situation and after several months ended up with about $700 in damages. Do you think that amount would make up for all that trouble?
I’m not telling you to roll over and take it up the ass, as The Tao’s Revenge thinks. If you think this is a hill you want to die on, then go right ahead and escalate the situation all you want. But the best case scenario is that you live as mortal enemies until April. Or you could just grin and bear it until April. But the worst case scenario is getting kicked out without warning and going through the legal system while you scramble to get your life back together. It’s your choice, but you should be prepared for the consequences.
I thought it was common knowledge to not lower yourself to someone else’s level. I promise to never again confuse you with a mature adult.
It’s not my fault that you’re misreading the entire thread. Nobody has suggested that she roll over and take it in the ass.
If this were to actually happen, I’d be utterly shellshocked. I really don’t see it happening in a hundred years.