I pit my petty, passive-aggressive, occasionally confrontational, bigoted satanspawn of a roommate.

I have gone out of my way to be easygoing and do basically anything necessary to keep the peace. But that’s all over now, bitch. I am sticking exactly to the letter of our lease from now on and if you don’t like it, there isn’t SHIT you can do about it. I’m not cleaning the bathroom anymore because the lease doesn’t say I have to. I’m not going to be nice or talk to you anymore. I’m not going to park on the street when there’s an opening in the driveway. Fuck. Your. Ass.

When I put my sister’s Christmas card (including picture) on the refrigerator, it’s because I like that picture and want to see it every time I walk by. Coming downstairs to see that there is a large magnet covering my sister’s face, while your many pictures on the same refrigerator remain unmolested, is pretty fucking irritating the first time. But whatever, I uncovered it and moved about my merry way.

When you keep hiding the picture (4 times to date) without saying a word, that is textbook passive-aggression. And then you removed the picture from the fridge and threw it into my room. Oh, hell no. It’s back on the fridge and it’s going to stay there. You will not win this fight.

Apparently the fact that my sister and her girlfriend took an arm’s-length picture where both are smiling at the camera (not hugging or kissing or fucking, but smiling with their heads together like any typical picture of 2 American non-lesbian females) is too much for you to handle. Ergo, I’ve changed my opinion of you as a basically savvy, if occasionally whiny, adult woman into one of a bigoted, irrational, hateful, supersaiyan bitchola. This is war, ho. It’s on now.

Aren’t roommates super fun? Seriously though, what did she say when you asked her why she keeps moving your picture? I find the best way to deal with passive aggressive people is to confront them about their actions. Not aggressively, just a simple, “Is there a reason you keep moving m picture? If not, could you please stop?”

My thoughts exactly. I really hope you asked called her out on moving the picture. Because, ya know, getting back at her by not cleaning the bathroom (and not telling her why) is just as passive aggressive. And with that, are you sure the reason she doesn’t like the picture is because it’s two women? Did she say that? Maybe she’s mad at you for something totally unrelated that you did (and she never told you about it, instead she posted a pissy message on a message board in some other corner of the internet and decided to get back at you by hiding your picture that you love so much).

Roommate fights can get really ugly, really fast*. Rather then ‘stick to the letter of the lease agreement’ I’d suggest the two of you sit down and lay out a roommate agreement (just like on BBT!). You need to be able to make it to the end of the lease together. You don’t have to like each other, but you need to be able to be in the same house for a few hours a day without tearing each others heads off.

Mine culminated in his bed soaked with a bucket of water and a thumbtack in my hairbrush (to this day, I’m glad I noticed that) when I decided to get the housing director involved.

Yeah I wrote a note on the fridge after it happened the second time. It said verbatim “Please stop hiding my sister’s face.” I didn’t even accuse anyone in particular of doing it. When I came downstairs the following morning, my message had been erased and the picture was hidden again. I uncovered it and went to work. (We also work opposite schedules so I never see her except on the weekends–there’s been no chance for a verbal confrontation anyway)

When I came home from work last night, it had been thrown into my room. No note on the fridge or email (which is typically how we communicate during the week due to schedules), no acknowledgement, no nothing. I sent her a terse but relatively polite email along the lines of, “I don’t mess with your pictures on the refrigerator. I would appreciate if you would respect me enough not to mess with mine.” I didn’t even curse in it! I was really proud of myself for not flying off the handle.

If she throws the pic into my room again, I’m taking all her pictures off the fridge and throwing them into her room. If she hides it again, I’m going to hide all her pictures on the fridge. I can see this going on for a while.

I believe the issue is that she knows I know she’s a bigot but she doesn’t want to put it in writing for some reason.

I don’t see the similarity there at all. Fair is fair, if two people use the bathroom, two people should clean it, or not.

But I agree with everyone else so far. Ask for an explanation. If the roommate wants to remain childish, put a piece of tape down the front of the refer. Your side and her side.

Call her (from a phone number she won’t recognize if your worried about her not answering). When she answers ask her, very nicely (but sternly), “Why do you keep taking my picture off the fridge?” See how she reacts to that. If she clams up say “Is there a problem with it, do you not like it for some reason?”
Do not accuse her of anything, just get her to give you a good reason.

Also, as much as I hate to say this. If she really can’t stand it because they’re lesbians, going out of your way to expose her to this kind of thing (more pictures of them, gay movies, “Straight but not narrow” t-shirts etc) are going to change her mind, they’re going to piss her off more and make her retaliatory. Consider it a life lesson (there are bigots in the world and sometimes you have no choice but to deal with them) and get through the rest of the contract.

If there’s one thing I learned from Ender’s Game, it’s that you have to end a confrontation in such a way that not only does it resolve the issue, but prevents further retaliatory actions.

Ergo, kick her in the nuts until she dies.

I wasn’t going out of my way to expose her to anything, nor would I. It’s the only recent picture I have of my sister, and it’s a Christmas card + photo combination so it’s topical and relevant. She has her crap all over the fridge and I just wanted to put up the one thing. wah wah etc.

Move out and find a cheaper place.

Then you’re no better than she.

hahaha, your roommate’s a bitch. Make it abundantly clear that you have it in your power to be the bigger bitch. It’s mercy that holds you back:

Pee on her bed, clean your butthole with her toothbrush, and vomit in her shoes.

It probably won’t help, but if your personality is anything like mine, it’ll make you feel better about living with her.

Why aren’t you allowed to park in the driveway?

Those two terms are unfortunately mutually exclusive.

Because it’s a single wide driveway, and I’m renting a room in a home owned by her. Which also changes the dynamic a bit. On paper I have the same rights as her and our 3rd roommate to use the house and she doesn’t go into my room without giving me warning. In reality she thinks she’s in charge. Maybe she should be? I don’t fucking know. But I didn’t sign up to have my property fucked with by a bigot.

It’s her house? She’s got you over a rail then. Either you’re going to have to give way to her bigotry or she’s going to find a way to get rid of you. I hope you’re looking for another place to live.

We have a lease. A real live lease, not just a verbal arrangement. I’m here until April unless I break the lease. There’s nothing about this type of situation in there so I’m not worried about being ousted.

If there was just a verbal arrangement I could see being more willing to stfu and keep my thoughts to myself. It isn’t and I’m not.

That’s a fools game for doormats. The difference is she’s not the instigator. What do you propose she do about her roommate’s actions with the pic?

You should do an advise column.

Ah, yes, it’s also her refrigerator then. Perhaps that picture is better placed on your bed stand.

But that’s what you ended up with. It’s her house, and she’s not going anywhere. Deal or move on, but playing this game ensures that your life will be miserable.

I think you have to have a face to face with her. Is there really no time at all when you’re both in the place together until the weekend? I personally would be too impatient and pissed off to wait, but if it has to wait until the weekend so be it. The important thing is to get her face to face and make sure you come across. Fucking with your property is off limits. Your family photos are not her business. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to avoid you, though.