Don’t go to war over this. It’s not that you’re not justified: you totally are. All this talk about you going down to her level is bullshit. She’s a nasty, homophobic little shit. You’d have to do a lot more than engage in a bit of passive-aggressive payback before you reach her level. But let’s be practical, here. You’ve got to live there, and if you escalate things, she’ll escalate back, and things will get progressively worse and worse. Is that the sort of house you want waiting for you when you get off work? Every day? Until April? I don’t think so. It’s not worth it. Any revenge where you end up suffering as much as your target is not a revenge worth having. Just keep your head down, put your sis’s picture on your bedside table, and start saving up your money.
Then, come April, after you’ve boxed up all your stuff and are ready to leave, use that money you’ve saved to buy a shit-ton of booze. Print up a couple hundred fliers describing what a miserable fuck your landlord is, along with an invitation to a giant, blow-out party. With free booze. At your soon to be ex-residence. On a day you know your landlord is going to be home late.
Then distribute stacks of these fliers to every gay bar in your area.
lmao, are you retarded or just naive? People break contracts all the time. Your landlord–*not *your roommate–is a bigoted, passive-aggressive bitch. Sucks for you; good luck finding a new living sitch.
No you fucking moron. Being right is cold comfort if it leads to being a doormat. Talking it out is a good suggestion, but you didn’t say that initially, instead you pontificated about moral equivalence without a damned bit of practical explanation.
Just curious, but is telling someone to “blow it out their ass” something a mature adult would do? If not why’d you “lower” yourself after going about not lowering yourself? Can’t practice what you preach?
Okay, well it’s your call. I’ve seen things like this happen several times - roommate situation escalated to the breaking point, with one of the roomies then finding themselves out on their ass. It’s never happened to me, but if I were living with someone I considered to be a ‘confrontational, bigoted satanspawn’, I’d be a little more concerned about it.
You go to war, you damned well better be prepared for shellshock. Because what people are describing? It’s not just within the realm of possibility, it’s probable it will happen. Legality be damned.
Maybe your sister and/or her girlfriend are butt fucking ugly. I know I’d rather not have to be forced to look at a picture of two Gamorean Guards locked in each other’s arms before I get a chance to get my morning coffee.
Agreed! Good advice. I’m big on picking battles and this was the one battle I’d picked. And for the most part we have very little interaction anyway, but it is still something I’d prefer not to be hanging over my head.
I guess what I’d ideally like, in the end, is for her to admit why she made such a big effing deal of it in the first place. I’ve had lots of roommates in the past. I’ve never actually been able to afford to live on my own. And at no time would a complete molehill like putting a picture on the refrigerator be blown up into such a mountain.
As far as why I called her satanspawn, well? It’s the pit, I’m pissed, and why not?
Does it include the use of the phone? Because if it does I say you should put a suggestive ad in the local craigslists ‘women looking for women’ section and put down that phone number.
If you don’t have use of the phone, then make the best out of ‘I’m allowed use of all the rooms of the house’ by inviting a girlfriend over on Saturday (roomie will be in on Saturday, right?) for a marathon lesbo make out session in the living room.
rachelellogram, I agree your roommate is being unreasonable, but from what I’m seeing here, you’ve completely jumped to the conclusion that your sister’s sexuality has anything to do with this situation. She’s being passive-aggressive, but I’m not seeing the bigotry so far.
And, R, I’ve seen you around and have come to enjoy your posts (although I do see you are a bit young and relatively inexperienced); and guess what – I would be inclined to take exactly the course you are in the state of mind to take at this point but, being outside the situation, I agree with most everyone here – don’t.
Follow Miller’s sage advice. If you do, I promise I’ll contribute $50 towards the booze. This post is my bond.
I can’t say you’re wrong because she hasn’t said a word. But I can’t conjure up any other rationale for her behavior. Unfortunately I’ve never tried putting up a more neutral picture (like me and my sister, or me and my mom) before, so who knows for sure?
The fact that she was covering it up repeatedly without saying anything, though, makes me think that she realizes her attitude is shameful, or at least not something I would accept. She’s been pretty confrontational pretty fast in the past if I did something she didn’t like, like eating in the bedroom or forgetting to close the shower curtain.
teehee, thanks. I’m not the party-throwing type but it’s a nice fantasy!
And yeah young and inexperienced definitely. I’m ill-prepared to deal with passive-aggression, or aggression at all really. I’m a pretty passive person, very type B, and very little bothers me (outside the scope of ideology) about a roommate. I don’t care if she is loud or is always home. I didn’t complain when her dad came to stay for 2 weeks and I never had an inch of privacy outside my bedroom. I don’t complain when her dog barks. I didn’t complain when she asked not to eat in the bedroom or when she got mad at me for closing the kitchen shades during the day. I rolled with the flow. I’m really not an irritable sort. It takes a LOT to piss me off. But when I get mad, steam figuratively pours out of my ears and I have a hard time letting go.
So I’m glad I made the thread. It was very cathartic to bitch and to get some outside perspective, without which I might have flown completely off the handle this weekend.
Because I totally understand how you feel I do suggest you intiate at least a face-to-face dialogue about this. I also think, given the (somewhat) new information about the landlord/tenant status of your relationship, you do have fewer grounds to insist on putting up your sister’s picture on the fridge. I think you need to take to heart what is being said about the dynamics of the situation and, with your face-to-face (regardless of her reasons for treating the picture the way she has), clarify your tenant rights in that general regard going forth.
Given this and the seemingly OCD way your landlord wants to run the house, you should be glad you’re coming to this realization now. That way, you have plenty of time to plan to [del]throw a huge, fucking, 3-alarm party and[/del] move out in a dignified manner, if it comes to that. Trust me, no matter what happens, you’re not going to want to continue living there past April, either due to your changing feelings and regard for her as a person and landlord and her probably tightening up the OCD screws if she’s displeased by your taking a stand in some manner now or in the future, or both.
You’re a fucking idiot and a childish one at that. This is what passes for “Oh it’s on!” in your world? You must live a life of pure sunshine and puppy dogs if someone covering your sister’s picture on her fridge is enough to make you draw the line and go to war.
Also, you’re admitting that you have no idea why she’s covering your sister’s face so you assume it’s because she’s gay? Have you ever timed how quickly your knee can jerk for the sake of science?
With all the problems you’ve vomited up about yourself in the two short months you’ve been on the board I’d think this would be low, low, low on the list of things for you to worry about. Low. Seriously low.
Put on your big girl panties and put your sister’s picture in your bedroom for the next four months. You’re a grown woman, act like it.
Yeah there’s that. I’m irritated but like… meh. Not sure if it’s worth finding a new place over and going through the hassle of moving AGAIN (especially because my rent is currently so low). I really hate moving and I have to do a lot of it. Depending on how she handles the note I wrote her today, I might just allow it to drop gracefully. Well, gracefully with a possible emailed admonition to be a man about problems instead of a WASP.
Once this blows over, she would probably end up ok with me staying past the lease expiration. Since she’s sure as shit not going to find a better roommate than me with all of her rules. And the arrangement is relatively nice because once house rules were established, she generally stays out of my way and vice versa.
I mean, the last room I rented in a house was from a married couple with 2 kids & 1 SAHM and that was a way more stressful situation for me. But if things here get worse for whatever reason, at least I’m only in a 6 month lease as opposed to a twelver.