Problem is, I saw some red flags of annoyance when she came to see the room, but I sort of felt sorry for her and we told her she could move in. (We sublet one room of our rented 3B/2BA house currently because we’re in a tight spot financially.) Here are her main malfunctions:
–before her computer was hooked up, we came home and she was using my husband’s laptop. She stopped immediately when we came home and said, “Oh sorry I just wanted to look up x.” We didn’t really say anything (our bad) and a couple days later she was using mine. I use it for work. I was quite annoyed and just sort of took it and moved it away from her. She could tell I was annoyed. I was afraid of what I’d say so I didn’t really say much. Incident #2 is really just as much our fault, as we were enablers by not cracking down on Incident #1.
–she gives unsolicited advice about stuff that has nothing to do with her. “You guys should move into that other room, you’d have more room.” “You guys should use Tupperware.” (We do, actually, so I’m not sure what that was about…) “Maybe you should use that other table for the fax machine because it’s more sturdy.”
–weird personal space violations. She just moved in. Comes up behind me and takes my hair in both her hands – my hair is down and long. “I can’t believe you can stand to have this hair down on your neck—” I shake her off and say, “I don’t like people touching my hair.” She drops it and says, “Yeah, me neither…” The other night, she’s about to go to bed. (She’s about 15 years older than my husband and not particularly attractive so I’m not worried she’s going to steal him or something, but…) She grabs my husband’s arm with both hands and says, “Are my hands cold?” I just looked at her and she looked sort of sheepish. He just looked at her too.
–My husband takes off his wedding ring a lot because it is uncomfortable (it is cheap and I think that’s why - obviously we need to get him a new one, but that’s not her business or the point). She asked about it when she saw it sitting on something the other day. I told her it doesn’t fit him well and is uncomfortable. Just now he’s sleeping in the recliner and she comes up and is holding it. “Is this his ring?” she says, with a scolding sort of expression and shake of her head as if to say, “He should be wearing it!” “Yes,” I say, “Where was it?” thinking that she found it on the floor or something so is doing him a favor so it doesn’t get lost. “Oh, on this,” and she gestures to a safe place - a high bookshelf/cordenza thing with a raised wood piece around it --it would not have fallen off. Wtf?? I say, “Please leave it where you found it.” I mean, what? Who is she, the ring police? Leave things alone if they don’t concern you! Argh, am I overreacting?
–Unnecessary conversation when I’m too busy. Tells me too much about her life. I don’t care that she got a jury summons, that the doctor that her other doctor told her to go to doesn’t take her insurance, or that her daughter’s boyfriend has anxiety. Comments on the glaringly obvious. “Laundry day,” she says as I’m sorting laundry. Asks what’s wrong with my son when he’s crying when I’m dealing with him. If I know, then just let me get whatever he needs without having to have an extra conversation about if and if I don’t know, then…
I’m thinking just a nice heart-to-heart talking about the above issues and see if things improve. Any tips on how to couch the conversation? I know I should have dealt with each of these when they arose. I’m not sure why I didn’t. I’m OK at confrontation or somewhat difficult conversations in a professional context, but it seems like at home I’ve been kind of a wimp. I don’t know…