Due to a complicated series of circumstances (I sublet an apartment from a nice guy who also sublet a room to the roommate in question) I’m stuck living with someone who can only be described as an 'unstable verbally-abusive drug-addict" for the next six weeks in San Francisco, California. There is no way I can afford to fully extricate myself from the situation until August 1st.
My roommate has demonstrated a tendency to get extremely aggressive (yelling, swearing, breaking a plate) whenever she wants to “discuss” superficial roommate issues (she didn’t like me using the dishwasher to wash dishes, she wanted to use it only as a drying rack, and she was upset I used my own paper towel to dry my hands rather than a regular towel) with me.
Some quotes from her latest tirade include “When you grow up, I will stop fucking yelling at you” and “you need to learn this shit on your own…”
This leaves me feeling anxious and afraid whenever I’m in shared spaces in the apartment because I have no idea when I’m going to see her and get exposed to a crazy tirade. Because these episodes are so completely bizarre and unprovoked I am also fearful of what else she may be capable of (I wouldn’t be surprised if she slapped me, destroyed my property etc.).
I would love any advice you may have as to whatever steps I can take to mitigate the risk and unpleasantness involved in living in this place for the next six weeks. You can also see my GQ thread about one strategy I thought of here.
Due to a complicated series of circumstances (I sublet an apartment from a nice guy who also sublets to the roommate in question) I’m stuck living with someone who can only be described as an 'unstable verbally-abusive drug-addict" for the next six weeks in San Francisco, California.
My roommate has demonstrated a tendency to get extremely aggressive (yelling, swearing, breaking a plate) when she feels frustrated about roommate issues (she didn’t like me using the dishwasher to wash dishes, she wanted to use it only as a drying rack, and she was upset I used my own paper towel to dry my hands rather than a regular towel).
In event event, my question is very simple: in order to dissuade my roommate from further crazy outbursts, I want to e-mail her to say “For my own protection and peace-of-mind, any and all abusive or menacing behavior towards me (yelling, swearing, breaking plates) in shared spaces will be video-and-audio recorded.”. In the State of California, do I have the right to do this in a private dwelling?
In addition to getting this specific legal question answered, I’d love your general advice, feel free to reply with opinions in this IMHO thread.
Can you talk to the guy you’re subletting from? Maybe he’ll let you out early (since he’s a “nice guy.”)
I suppose you can also try to spend as much time as possible away from the apartment and lock all your valuables away, but if you’re in fear of your safety I would contact the police.
That must suck big time. Would it qualify as the kind of abuse you could call the cops for? With any luck, she’ll escalate things against the cops too and they will take her for that. Also, you wouldnt need to videotape her. Does your phone have a memo recorder set? Just record the sound.
I believe that California is a two-party state; both parties must consent to being recorded. But that’s audio recording, not video - the laws might be different.
The guy I’m subletting from has been very supportive and helpful so far. Believe it or not, I’m still relatively happy in the apartment in so far as it’s a great unit in a great location and it’s super-difficult to find decent places in San Francisco (hyper competitive market). If the situation escalates any further I won’t hesitate to start sleeping on friends couches or whatever but for the time being it’s stressful but not out of control.
Fun fact: The crazy roommate is also a 44-year-old Yale-educated lawyer (though not practicing nor did she take the bar) with a fancy job. She was the last person I would suspect to be this difficult to live with but I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover.
I know this is in GQ and not IMHO, but I have to say, regardless of the legality, doing what you suggest will not solve the problem, and will only antagonize your roommate further. I can’t imagine any way that saying, “I’ve installed cameras to record your every move” to a potentially violent and unstable roommate would end in something other than loss and destruction of my personal property at best.
You’re definitely correct about two-party consent in California. I wonder though if there is any way around this given that I’m being threatened in a communal space and that that I may (currently in discussion) have the permission of the “landlord” to take this action (could conceiving setup 24/7 recording in kitchen and communal areas).
How much do extended stay places (if there are any in your area) charge per week?
Factor in peace of mind, and the possibility of recovering money from your landlord, who apparently isn’t “nice” enough to offer any relief from this situation.
You could try dropping pearls like “I hear those new body cams are terrific!” into conversation with your crazy roommate, but I don’t see it ending well.
If it’s a common area the two of you have equal rights to use, I’d assume she’s got just as much right to put a barrier in front of the camera and place a radio playing loud music right next to the recorder as you do to put up the camera and recorder in the first place.
Yes common area, kitchen or shared living room. If she wants to put up a barrier and play loud music that’s fine because that would also prevent her from going on a crazy tirade.
Can’t you just say to her something like, “look, circumstances force us to live in the same dwelling, but we obviously don’t get along. Let’s just ignore one another”? Then ignore her!