I wouldn’t put a picture up in her bedroom or on her mantle. That would be weird and categorically boundary-overstepping. But I see refrigerators as a casual public surface in a casual public place, and none of the housemates or landlords I’ve ever had in the past have been upset by a total non-issue like this. Hence my disgruntlement.
The lease states we’re not to go into each other’s rooms for any reason, and that if she needs to go into my room she would provide 24 hour notice (like to fix something). So no, that would be strictly verboten. The only exception is if, say, there was smoke coming out from under my door. Your analogy, like so many others in the thread, is stillborn. There’s a difference between public space (the kitchen) and private space (my bedroom) in this lease.
We had a civil email exchange about it last night. My main problem was her passive-aggressivity with a side of “no-homo” bigotry. Regardless of who is in the right or in the wrong here, the way she handled it was fucking childish. I think it’s been amply demonstrated that different people have different boundaries with regard to the definition of decor and where it can go in a shared space. If those boundaries differ, then handling the disagreement like adults is the “right thing” to do.
Criticizing me for having different boundaries than my landlord is totally pointless and tangential to the thread. But if doing so makes you feel good, who am I to judge?
Yeah the cost of living is high here. I can’t find anything cheaper than this without venturing into the south side of Chicago, which I’m too white and chickenshit to handle. Also my 450 includes everything-water, gas, electric, internet, cable, trash, laundry, heat, a/c. It’s a really great deal for the area. There are occasionally places with “cheaper rent” but they don’t include utilities. Though I may scope one of those out if I get a raise after this year’s annual review (fingers crossed!)
There is one thing the mantle and the refrigerator have in common: they are hers. If the fridge was in your room, I’d agree that she was a big ol’ bitch for taking it down, but it isn’t in your room, it’s in one of her rooms.
And your reference to her “no homo” attitude: so, in her email she said she was covering the picture because she was grossed out by the lesbians then?
And yeah, I agree with this, actually. I rent a room out in my house in central California for $550 a month (that includes utilities, but it has a shared bathroom and is just a room).
Where I live, $450 might get you a room in a boarded up crackhouse.
achelellogram, have you tried speaking with your landlord about your various issues. It seems that your method of dealing with her is as passive aggressive as her method of dealing with you.
While you may desire for it to be “on like tron”, is this really a productive way to work out your disagreement with the landlord? Does your lease allow for you to park in the driveway? Are you using your own cooking utensils? Does she let you use hers?
The problem with escalating the situation is that you wind up in a war zone where you live. A friend of mine in college shared a bathroom with three other suite mates. No one else ever cleaned, so they never cleaned the bathroom. After a year, they were showering in a tub that was no longer white, and using a bathroom that wouldn’t meet cleanliness standards in a third world bus station. It was incredibly gross.
I didn’t expect her to come out and explain what about the picture made her uncomfortable. And she didn’t. Bygones at this point. I asked her to handle any future disagreements by saying something instead of disrespecting my property, and hopefully there won’t be any more issues.
All the people saying “lol ur sew retarded” aren’t even worthy of scorn. It’s the pit etc etc. But the idea that “my worldview is right and everyone else is an idiot” doesn’t apply to anything when you get into a real world situation with real people.
Her putting *your *belongings in your space is not disrespecting them. But you putting your belongings in someone else’s space is disrespectful. See how that works?
But if it’s easier for you to assume she’s a homophobe, go ahead and roll with that. That’s the logical answer, after all.
That’s not fun to hear, but it’s true. By the way, does she even know your sister is gay? I’m still not seeing what that has to do with anything. She should have spoken to you, but do you really not see where your behavior could have come off as presumtuous? Your former roommates might’ve been OK with sharing the fridge, but that doesn’t mean she has to be.
That does make a difference. I still say ask around the Dope when it’s getting close to potential moving time. Worst case is that nobody has any suggestions.
Really, I just find it surprising because I’ve managed to find really cheap places in Milwaukee in neighborhoods that, while somewhat sketchy, weren’t obscenely crime-ridden. A few years ago, I had a two-bedroom that was $575/mo split two ways between my roommate and me, with heat/water/gas/trash included. (Prior to that, it was a four-bedroom split four, three, and two ways at various times for $750/mo, with gas/water/trash/internet included.) It just seems really weird to me that you couldn’t find anything that’s cheaper than $450/mo where you’d have more freedom over the common areas (and, hell, in your own fucking room that you’re paying for, with the weird “no eating in your own bedroom” restriction). Maybe it wouldn’t have internet, cable, and A/C included, but IMO those things are luxuries (internet being negotiable depending on the location of the closest library).
Except that I doubt the landlord is going to stop cleaning the bathroom just because **rachel **stops contributing. I think it’s fair to establish some balance between “acceptable usage” and “expected upkeep.” So, for example, if rachel is allowed to use the kitchen to cook but can’t put a photo of her sister on the fridge, I’d say her cleaning duties there would really extend only to cleaning up directly after herself, such as wiping down the stove after using the range or washing her own dishes.
I’ve been amazed at times how gross people let their places get because they don’t want to be the one doing the lion’s share of the cleaning. My roomates once let the trash pile up for three weeks because no one wanted to take it out.
When I had room mates I don’t think any of us ever did more than what you describe in cleaning the kitchen, but our living situation was kind of gross.
Sounds like Milwaukee is insanely cheap. $450 would be cheap for a room here, in a city that is much smaller than Chicago. I don’t think I’d put up with all those rules and also pay $450 though - I currently pay more than that but have an actual even footing with my roommate, with no passive aggressive tricks. Of course I also don’t own a car, so I can afford to put a bit more towards rent. I’m afraid I still find it hard to believe that a car is 100% necessary in Chicago.
Can you expand on this? Are you under the impression that the rest of us have never lived with ‘real people’ in a ‘real world situation’?
Shared apartments in my area would go for 1100-1200, utilities not included, (with a shared bathroom) from the looking I have done and the craigslist postings I’ve perused. It’s a far cry from my old Indiana college town, where for $350 a month I got all utilities included and my own bedroom/bathroom. But thanks for the Dope suggestions, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll see what I can do as my moving date gets closer.
I don’t watch television, I haven’t even owned one in over 5 years. But internet and a/c are not optional for me. I’m warm-blooded and I game so I do need both. But sacrificing cable is not an issue for me since I don’t use it anyway.
It’s not Chicago proper, I work in Naperville (which is ritzy fat white lady city apparently). Though I live in Aurora, which is next door, mostly Latino and black, slightly more ghetto, and therefore cheaper. Though it doesn’t feel at all dangerous where I live, I know there are some rougher sides of town.
Meyer, a car is not optional in my suburb. There aren’t even any residences within walking distance of where I work, and the public transport stops well short of my 11pm shift ending time. It’s far too dangerous to bike, especially in the winter on icy roads, and especially because for half of the trip there are no sidewalks. Biking in the streets here would be putting my life in the hands of crazy assholes in a perpetual hurry.
Rachel, I understand that you feel disrespected. But I’d strongly encourage you to take a less hot-headed approach to this or you may not have any recourse come April. You’re forgetting that she can ask YOU to move out with the same 30 days’ notice. Then where would you be?
It can be if you live in the right places. Those were very cheap apartments in a neighborhood that wasn’t the greatest (e.g., I had friends get mugged because they were careless or unlucky). Where I live now is $1250/mo for 770sqf/1br with absolutely nothing included.
That’s my point–“in your area.” You need to find a new area.
Yes, they *are *optional. You just don’t *want *to give them up. People survived on fans and cold drinks for a long time before A/C came along. And, while as a hardcore WoW raider I sympathize with the gaming, it is a luxury. There are lots of games you can play without an internet connection. I know this, because there were a few years where I couldn’t afford an internet connection. You *can *live without it. You need to be realistic about the choices and sacrifices you make (e.g., putting up with a controlling, passive-aggressive landlord if it means you get to use her internet at no additional cost to you).
I’d be looking for a new apartment with the legal minimum 30 days’ notice. It’s more time than I had to find my current place. Regardless, I’m not going to wait that long to try to find a place. In February I’ll get my annual raise (and my tax return should be coming around the same time), so that plus any refunded deposit from my current place will be a nice deposit for the next one. woohoo
Not to be overly melodramatic, but without WoW I would have nothing making me happy. Yeah, I could live without it in a life or death scenario. But it’s worth the cost.
Or you could move into a less nice neighborhood and use all of that extra money to pay your bills you can’t afford. Surely you’d be able to come up with that whole $50 a month you couldn’t afford to put toward your student loans once you get that raise.
And yeah, that is melodramatic. Honestly, if this is truly the case, you need to assess what’s going on in your life and see how you can improve your situation. A video game should not be the only source of happiness in a human’s life.
Shit, I like playing Michael Jackson Experience on Wii and all, but I’d much rather hang out with my friends, play with my dog, or go walk around in the sunshine. All those things make me happy, too.
I guess it’s true that elephants never forget. I’m actually waiting on an income-contingent federal loan consolidation to come out of cert status so I can start making payments.
I’m not going to put myself in jeopardy by moving to the south side of Chicago. Suck it.
Like I said, I’ve been there. I had a six-month chunk after I’d started playing where I had no access and it drove me nuts. But I survived. (And played a shit-ton of Diablo II. :D) I’m not saying you have to give it up: just be realistic about the kind of tradeoffs you need to make in terms of freedom and control over your living space in exchange for the *optional luxuries *you like to have.
“Suck it” is a perfectly rational, adult response to all of the advice Dopers tried to earnestly give you in regards to fixing the predicament that is your life. But hey, I don’t know what I expected from somebody who screeches homophobia because they don’t even have a basic understanding of their own freaking living situation.
