Some of you may remember this thread from last September, wherein I discussed “Dee”, my roommate/girlfriend, deciding to have loud sex with another man while I was trying to sleep in my adjacent bedroom. We worked things out to my satisfaction after that and since then it seemed like our relationship was going pretty well, up until last week.
Last Friday (the 11th), she and an old female friend of hers went on a ladies’ night out. This is nothing unusual, and i’m perfectly fine with it. She didn’t come back that night, which is a bit unusual, but sometimes she stays over with her friend after a night out, so everything still seemed fine. When she came home the next afternoon, however, the problems started. Accompanying her was a man i’ve never met before, who we’ll call “Sam”. Aside from introducing me to him, she didn’t tell me anything about him at the time. Later conversations with her similarly gleaned little information - he’s from Alaska, he’s in town visiting his parents, and he’s “a friend” of hers in some way. I got a strange vibe from the situation right away, but he seemed like a nice enough guy, and after I hung out with them for a few hours I had to go to bed early in preparation for an early shift at work the next day.
I woke up on Sunday morning, and as I was going about my morning victuals, I noticed Sam’s shoes were still sitting by the front door. Our new guest room (which Dee just set up and is very proud of) was empty, which could only mean one thing - he was sleeping in her room, in her bed. (Cue groaning.)
It gets worse.
Over the past week, she’s since spent pretty much every minute of her day with him. He leaves with her when she goes to work in the morning, he comes home with her in the afternoon, and goes to sleep in her bedroom. During this time, she’s been avoiding me whenever possible and brushing me aside when not,
she’s cancelled plans to see her other friends, and she generally spends as much of her time as possible locked in the bedroom with him. One of our mutual friends had an online conversation with her today where she was nothing short of cavalier about the entire thing, referring to Sam as “her penis du jour” and telling our friend that I could “cry in my cheerios” if I wasn’t happy about it.
It gets still worse.
I had a conversation this morning with a second mutual friend of ours, who i’ll call “Greg”. I met Greg through Dee about two years ago - she’s told me of him that they’ve known each other for years and they have a completely Platonic relationship, and that he’s slept in her bed before but she’d never think of having sex with him. Greg also knew Dee was spending all her time with Sam and was pretty agitated about it as well, and told me that he felt hurt and insulted by the whole affair. His words were so emotional and heartfelt, I asked him if he had romantic feelings for her. His response - not only did he, but he’d been dating her on and off for the entire time her and I have had our relationship! When I asked him if he knew about Dee and I, he answered in the negative - she’d also told him, apparently, that she and I were platonic friends who liked to have dinner and play laser tag sometimes.
That’s the story.
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?!?!
I could dismiss the incident with Scott last September as a drunken mistake and a misunderstanding of boundaries, but this is just plain beyond the pale. Who the fuck invites a perfect stranger into the house one shares with a significant other and then spends a week having sex with him, while ignoring and mocking that SO for feeling slighted by it? Who the fuck has two simultaneous long-term relationships with people who know each other, lies to each of them about the other, and acts totally oblivious to the fact that they both have romantic feelings for her? How can ANYONE be so oblivious, capricious, and fickle?
I’ve known Dee for years and in all this time I never thought her capable of something like this. I know we’re not married or even engaged and we don’t even sleep in the same bed most of the time, but goddamn it I feel like i’ve been cheated on in the worst sort of way, like i’ve been treated like a plaything and tossed aside when something new and exotic came along. Have I never been anything more to her than a “penis du jour”? Do my feelings not even matter? I’m through playing these games and i’m through with her, and if she thinks i’m going to be there for her after her little fucktoy flies back to Anchorage she’s sorely mistaken.