I bet she isn’t.
How is this a good thing?? Why would either of you agree to this? Is your town underpopulated? Is there a roommate shortage?
Strike that. I get why you would agree to it. You get a little every now and then and don’t have to a be boyfriend all the time. Not very fulfilling, but to each his own.
But I cannot understand why she would agree to it. Sounds like she wants something more serious. And there is nothing wrong with that.
It is time for one of you to leave.
It sounds the opposite to me–he wanted to have a more serious relationship with her, and thought they had a more committed one than they do/did. She sounds like she wanted a fuck buddy, and doesn’t particularly care about his feelings or desires. IOW, she’s a manipulative bitch.
From his first thread:
His definition of their *relationship going pretty well * in this OP was that they were semi-exclusive fuck-buddies. If he wants to have a real relationship with this woman, he has to step and say so. (and you are probably right in saying that he does)
Otherwise…it’s just too painful to consider.
Caveat: your story sounds a lot like the “his side” of a breakup I’ve been in, with a person whom I continue to :rolleyes: about on the rare occasions he comes up in conversation. So take this with a grain of salt (perhaps the entire shaker), because my opinion is biased.
If you just “think” that you had an agreement, chances are good that you didn’t. You heard what you wanted to hear, and extrapolated that into “she’s not sleeping with anybody else.” Hell, she may be the sort of person who attracts lots of guys who want to be her one and only - that’s something she’s going to have to learn to deal with in a more productive way.
Any way it goes, though, there are fundamental problems in how it seems that you’ve communicated with her, and she with you. Stop assuming things, stop having unclear expectations, and get really, really clear on what the exact boundaries of the relationship are. If you can’t live with those boundaries, get out - but don’t start handing out blame and accusations of “cheating” until and unless you’re quite sure that you and she were on the same page re: monogamy to begin with. Side note on communication: if you tell her you want something, and she doesn’t agree, that doesn’t mean that you can continue to expect it. Until and unless you have her clear, unambiguous agreement to abide by the expectation, it’s not binding on her. On re-read: while I’ve skewed this paragraph strongly towards your responsibility, keep in mind that she is responsible, too - for clear communication, for boundary-setting, and for making sure that her expectations and yours line up. I’m not trying to say it’s all your fault, just trying to point out that miscommunication leads to a lot of situations like this, and you can only fix yours - not hers.
Also, a question: how did you find out about “penis du jour” in her conversation with a completely separate person? Why is it that you know the contents of her other conversations? (I don’t want to outright accuse you of snooping, because the mutual friend could simply have told you… but I wonder.)
I agree that if she’s explicitly told both you and Greg that she’s not sleeping with anyone else, that that’s fucked up. If it’s the case that she’s lied, she needs to clean up her damn act and quit lying to her partners. However, you may want to be certain that it’s a case of her lying, and not a case of both of you extrapolating a little too heavily, before you come to judgment.
In any case, I wholeheartedly agree with the advice to get the hell out of this situation. It’s obvious that it’s not healthy or productive for either of you, and it’s time to put the time and energy you are using on this “relationship” to better use.
I really don’t get the “she’s a bad news slut” vibe here. You have a standing, somewhat passive, FWB arrangement which worked fine so long she wasn’t actually screwing anyone in front of you.
What precisely is your expectation of how delicately she should be handling your feelings in this case? You have no moral or ethical claim on her, or her sexual relationships whatsoever. She’s given you very clear signals she is not that into you as a long term prospect, and to be honest with you most (not all) women would not consider a man who is willing to let them date around as prime SO material. It’s not mature, cool and sophisticated, it’s dormatty.
She’s not at fault here, you are for having silly and unrealistic expectations of how she should behave.
In any case all this is moot in the end. It’s obviously getting intolerable for you. You need to move out or she does.
Just a suggestion. In your next sexually exclusive relationship, you might want to consider the possibility that sex is happening if someone sleeps in your SO’s bed with them in your house. If the relationship were truly platonic, this person could have slept on the couch, on the floor or even in your bed while you slept with your SO.
Yes, if you truly had an exclusive relationship with Dee, she’s made it quite clear that it went the way of the dinosaurs.
Sorry if I don’t sound more sympathetic, but like a few people here, I think you did more than your fair share to create the situation.
How is it that you can say exactly what I’m thinking but more succinctly? That was dead-on, IMO.
IIRC, he moved into her place.
Sorry, man, but you brought this on yourself.
If you get involved in a relationship with foggy boundaries, you can’t get surprised if one of you finds yourself outside them.
Dude, it doesn’t matter if anybody here thinks you’re stupid. It doesn’t matter what your roommate/FWB/pseudogirlfriend thought the status of your relationship was.
What matters is that in your mind you were cheated on. You’re not going to be able to view this in any way other than that, so work from there:
So do what everyone else has said, and leave the cheating bitch.
Best of luck, man.
Brilliant. Doesn’t matter what reality is, just what you think it is! That way we can hang tags on people like “cheating bitch” and feel good about it.
Sounds like the OP has done a lot of assuming and guessing. From the info provided, it sure didn’t sound like he had any type of real relationship with this woman besides fuck buddy.
Yeah. It doesn’t matter what the ‘reality’ of the situation is, in terms of how he deals with it. No matter what you or anyone else says, or tries to convince Smapti of, he’s going through the same emotional response of a cheated-upon boyfriend. So we should counsel him in that light.
ETA: Hanging the ‘cheating bitch’ tag on someone has always made me feel better. You oughta try it sometimes… blaming others is a remarkably effective way of getting over them
But if he hasn’t been practicing safe sex with her because he thought they were in a commited relationship, or if their idea of safe sex is “don’t worry honey I’m on The Pill”, and given that she’s been playing around, he needs to get tested. Plus, safe sex is safer than condom-less sex, it’s not 100% safe.
When I found out my bf had been playing around I got my veins to the nearest testing place so fast I should’a been ticketed for breaking mach in a car 
We’d been using condoms, but hey, in theory, we’d also been “in a commited relationship.”
Turn lemons into lemonade – pimp her out for extra cash.
From the last post and this post I don’t see where this girl was ever your “girlfriend”.
It sounds like she was just a fuck buddy which you yourself state you had no problems with but you really wanted more and in your mind saw it that way but she did not. Then when she started bringing other men home you got pissed but you really had no right to, other than being rude by making loud sex noises, as you were never commited to each other. It sounds like she had the same type of relationship with Greg.
Now you and Greg are sort of scratching your heads and wondering were the hell this Sam came in and why she is suddenly turning all her attention at him.
This girl seems to get bored easy and makes up for it by switching fuck buddies. If they are just fuck buddies than she has ever right to I suppose but “whore” comes to mind.
My best advice is to move out and move on. If that is not possible right now then I would set your sights on a new lady. Get over it and don’t let her drag you back into her bed nor invite her to yours. Keep it as strickly roommates.
Very well put.
No way in hell I’m taking that bet.
Actually, the way to be sure that her sharing a bed wasn’t platonic is that she’s over the age of 10 and/or the guy is not gay.
I’m glad it’s over because if I had to read about this happening again, I think my head might explode.
I’m assuming that he was never foolish enough to go bareback with her. He mentions nothing about it in this thread or the previous one. Maybe we should assume the guy has a little sense.
Obviously, but again that’s true always, not just with evil spider-women.
Sure he does.
He’s her doormat.
Dude, you gotta be trolling.
But anyway, I suggest you do a google search for “cuckoldry forums” and share your story there. I bet you’ll get a lot of helpful suggestions.
I used to know a girl like this one. I was not a friend of hers but she had men always wrapped around her finger. I heard she never had sex with them. That was what she used to get them to do her bidding. She worked at a local pizza place for like 10 hours a week and mostly lived off her child support check while her son lived with her parents.
Buy her drinks, “loan” her money, pick up her kid, give her rides, a place to crash, protect her from other suitors that she had tossed away and were now pissed. The story I heard was that she had a steady boyfriend that she lived with but used all these other men to have extra fun that her boyfriend would not supply the money for but at the end of the night she would be back wth him.
It was actually embarrassing to watch her sit at the bar with the latest patsy while three past patsies sat several stools down from her. I remember one that kept going back when she was in between victims. He had such low self esteem that she walked all over him and doormat was the only thing that came to mind when you saw him. Just having her sit next to him and talk to him made him feel superior when in reality he looked like an idiot to the rest of us.