Mild and lame, WHATEVER! I’m pissed. I took time out of my morning to go get what I’d hoped would be a delicious bagel. Instead, I got a crappy one. First of all, the bagel was way too squishy inside. Almost slimy. Like wonder bread. Maybe part of that was because of the molecule-thin layer of cream slime spread that was only put in the very middle of the bagel. It was just enough to wet the inside of the bagel but not enough to actually taste. I mean, if I’m going to pay extra for cream cheese, it better have some fucking cream cheese on it, GET IT?!?!? I almost went back to complain but I had already left and unlike the losers behind the counter at Noah’s I have a real job that I had to get to on time. (No pointing out that I’m on the SDMB at work now.)
Fuck you and your tiny teeny little amount of slimy cream cheese. Just for today I forgot to ask for it on the side, and I got screwed. Just put a big fucking blob of cream cheese on there and let me enjoy my fucking breakfast, OK???
I don’t know bagels. On my first trip up north, oh maybe fifteen years ago, there were some treats by the coffee machine as we were getting ready for that morning’s seminar. One of the guys hosting us approached, and asked me how everything was going. “Fine,” I said, making a face as I swallowed. “But these donuts are stale.”
A bagel should be firm and doughy. It should not have cranberries, or walnuts, or honey, or fucking CHOCOLATE in it. Einstein Bros., I’m looking at YOU. You do not serve bagels, you serve baughnuts, an unholy union of bagel and donut. Lastly, a bagel should be served with a healthy dollop of good cream cheese. Philadelphia Cream Chese is not good cream cheese.
Whenever I get bagels out, they have an excessive amount of cream cheese. But while we’re discussing bagels, I pit the entire Bay Area. I’m from New York, so I know and love bagels. When I lived in Princeton there was a good bagel place nearby, in fact several. But when I moved here I quickly found no really good bagels. I resisted Noah’s and preferred smaller places. But all those got taken over by people who know nothing of bagels, and consider that they should be like thick, round, Wonder bread. So I’m stuck with Noah’s as the best of a bad lot.
About the only thing my wife and I dislike about LA is that we can’t find a good bagel. Or rather we can’t find a good bagel at a place where we can hang out and sip coffee and read the Sunday paper. We go to Noah’s in Westwood, but it’s just Not Quite Right.
If Hollywood Is Controlled By Evil Jews, why can’t I CAN’T GET A DECENT BAGEL IN LA??!!! Huh?
I’m from Chicago - bagels aren’t exactly unknown there either.
Around my office, you either get a tablespoon dollop of cream cheese or a quarter-pound of the stuff globbed on.
You’re right about Noah’s being the least-worst, and I’ve entirely given up on pastrami. Rolling a beef roast in pepper does not equal pastrami, but nobody seems to understand that. :sad:
I think the Evil Jews must have sold it to the Malcontented Italians, who subsequently leased it out at extraordinary rent to the Lavander Mafia. Which, I think, explains why the fashions are so loud and the people are so .
I’ve never had a worse bagel than Noah’s - and that’s including my school cafeteria and the Indianapolis airport. My first Sunday at college, I naively biked 20 minutes into town just to get my bagel. But it was not a bagel - it was a roll missing a piece. Noah’s just doesn’t understand that a bagel should have a tough crust and a sensitive, doughy, inside, and be warm! and the cream cheese should be whipped, not slimy!
Locally, there are two places. A small family owned and Big Apple Bagels.
Big Apple has perfect texture to the bagels but no flavor. Their coffee is a joke. Their smoothies are like some sort of fruit slurpee. Their chocolate chocolate chip muffins are so bland that my eight year old daughter couldn’t finish it. :eek: So no bagels there.
The small family owned lacked in texture a bit, but the bagels tasted great. They always threw in a couple extra for us since we were regulars and gave my daughter a sucker every time she came in. Then they were bought out by the local bakery monopoly. :mad:
We have a Big Apple Bagels nearby, which was owned by a relative of one of my daughter’s friends who was actually Jewish. Then it got bought out by people who knew nothing about bagels.
As for me, if you slice your bagel with a sharp knife, as opposed to a butter knife to make the but rough, you’re a gentile. I bake mine in a toaster oven - I’m not partial to toasting except in emergencies.
But the real way to eat bagels is fresh from the bagel store Saturday night, with some lox or sable, while reading the Sunday New York Times that you can get then in civilized places.
I miss Noah’s now that I’ve moved. I used to go in two or three times a week for a cracked peppercorn potato bagel with chive cream cheese. Yummy! I prefer the texture of these to the other bagels they have. Not quite as tough and chewy as the flour bagels plus there’s the bonus of the little pepper nuggets that firecracker onto the tongue. Oh yes!
So I’m stuck with Noah’s as the best of a bad lot.
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