I Pit people who use nicknames at work!

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear Fuckwits:

You have a full, proper, and legal name. It may be anything you wish it to be – you’re not limited to the name given to you by the crackheads that spawned you. You can go down to any of several local, convenient government offices and legally change your fucking name. Please do so if the one currently assigned to you distresses you that much.

You see, by using cutesy nicknames instead of your LEGAL name, you create problems. I know, I know, your self-absorbed little mentality doesn’t care that you’re a burden. But guess what, dumbass: when you make it difficult to identify you, you make it difficult to GIVE YOU YOUR FUCKING MONEY.

So, “Bambie-not-Barbara”, “Larry - I don’t like Michael and my middle name is Lawrence”, “Call me Sky. My name is Sara, but everyone calls me Sky.”, and others of your ilk: GROW the FUCK UP and (a) use your legal name, or (b) change the fucking thing. You can call yourself Goober McPoopyPants for all I fucking care and I’ll happily accept it as long as that’s what appears on your legal ID. I don’t care if your name is misspelled – with the fumble-fingered data entry clerks weve got around here, I’m used to it – or even if it’s a commonly-accepted short version – Rick for Richard, Dani for Danielle, what-fucking-ever – but if I can’t figure out who the fuck you are, then your money is going absolutely nowhere.

And when you come whining to me about how you didn’t get your bonus check, then I’ll print this rant out and hand it to you, and watch you attempt to read it – lips moving, no doubt, sounding out the long words like ‘the’ and ‘ID’ – and when you’re done, you can go fuck yourself with it until your little identity crisis is over.

Most Sincerely,
(and I mean that from the bottom of my heart)
Me.

2

So… they don’t use SSN’s in WA? Your employer doesn’t have a employeeID that you can use to reference?

Sorry, but I’m having trouble figuring out the difficulty (unless you get emails like “Can you give me a new W2? I’d like to make a change. Tx, Mike” and you have 40 different “Mike” 's working for you).

3

See, that’s what UNIQUE IDENTIFICATION is good for… too bad you people don’t realize that assigning people an ID at birth generally helps the private person more than it helps the government to spy on them :rolleyes:

And, dude – people use nicknames. They’re not asking you to put their nickname on their paycheck – they’re just asking you to be slightly informal and use it to their face when they’re talking with you.

IOW, sorry, but I disagree with your rant.

4

To whom are you referring with that “you people” remark? Your response is about as nonsensical as the original complaint.

5

Quite a few co-workers use nicknames here (I’m the receptionist) but I don’t have a problem translating “Katie” to “Kayleen” or “Bob” to Robert. How many people do you work with?

6

[QUOTE=JohnT]
To whom are you referring with that “you people” remark? Your response is about as nonsensical as the original complaint.
[/QUOTE]

Americans in general (with your/their whole anti-SSN/ID attitude.)

Although I think it applies to Brits as well?

7

How many Scooter Rabinowitzs can you possibly have at your company?

Why is it incumbent upon them to (a) either use the name they for personal reasons choose not to use or (b) literally change their name to convenience YOU? If you honestly cannot figure out who is who, then yeah, they’ll have to track you down and say “where’s my check?” to which you can reasonably reply, “Well, ‘Sky’, I didn’t know that you were Sara Smith.” If they give you a hard time about it, then you can certainly tell them that there is some corporate confusion due to the fact that they choose to use a name other than their legal name and that it can make it difficult to locate them. I certainly agree that it is their problem and not yours. But I don’t get why it should piss YOU off, and I sure as hell think you’re way off to demand that they change their name to suit you or your company.

I am Jodi Lastname. I have a middle name, but I don’t use it. I therefore also have a middle initial, but I don’t use it either. I have been told by multiple employers and the government how I “must” sign my name (using either my middle name or at least a middle initial) or what my “legal signature” must be, and I politely tell 'em all to get stuffed. I decide how I will be addressed and how I will sign my name, and if that makes your life slightly more confused or inconvenient, I don’t give a rat’s ass.

8

[QUOTE=JohnT]
So… they don’t use SSN’s in WA? Your employer doesn’t have a employeeID that you can use to reference?

Sorry, but I’m having trouble figuring out the difficulty (unless you get emails like “Can you give me a new W2? I’d like to make a change. Tx, Mike” and you have 40 different “Mike” 's working for you).
[/QUOTE]

JohnT: oh, they do. I’m not allowed to use SSNs as a form of ID, however. Employee ID? SURE! That doesn’t mean the employees USE them.

jali: as of last count, something approaching 2000. Most of whom I’ve never met (and will never meet) face-to-face. YOU’RE welcome to try and keep nicknames straight on that many folks; me, I’d rather they just use their perfectly valid REAL name.

Noone Special: in actual fact, they ARE asking me to use their nickname on their paychecks. Oh, not directly, nor in as many words, but if their name is the only identifier I have for them, you should be able to see where this causes a bit of concern.

9

[QUOTE=Sofaspud]
Noone Special: in actual fact, they ARE asking me to use their nickname on their paychecks. Oh, not directly, nor in as many words, but if their name is the only identifier I have for them, you should be able to see where this causes a bit of concern.
[/QUOTE]
See, this is the part I don’t get. The way I would expect things to work (and the way they work here) is: payroll is generated using some form of ID (National ID here, I guess you’d have to use Employee IDs where you are). Computer has employee’s data, including full legal name, accessible through that ID as a DB Key. Check is automatically made out to Mr/Ms FullName (or direct deposited into the bank account listed on employee’s E-card).

All this requires is for an employee to correctly fill out a form once, on the day they start work.

What am I misunderstanding here?

10

[QUOTE=Jodi]
I am Jodi Lastname. I have a middle name, but I don’t use it. I therefore also have a middle initial, but I don’t use it either. I have been told by multiple employers and the government how I “must” sign my name (using either my middle name or at least a middle initial) or what my “legal signature” must be, and I politely tell 'em all to get stuffed. I decide how I will be addressed and how I will sign my name, and if that makes your life slightly more confused or inconvenient, I don’t give a rat’s ass.
[/QUOTE]

Well, Jodi, it’s nice to meet you. I presume that you have enough intelligence to realize that, should you choose to use a name that bears no fucking relation to your real one – the one recorded with the company, let us say – then you really have no leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about how you didn’t get paid for things that are tracked based on whatever name you entered.

You see how that works, right?

Okay then. Now, let us suppose that you were one of the fuckwits at which my rant was directed. This means that, after I’ve explained to you that I’m not able to reconcile ‘Sky’ with ‘Jodi’, because they bear no relation AT ALL to each other, you’ll come back to me a month later wondering where your money is. Again.

To avoid this, you can (a) use your real name, or (b) change it. There really aren’t any other options. It’s your choice. But if you continue to display stupidity, I’ll continue to lambast you for it.

You see, it’s not really MY life that’s inconvenienced. Hey, I’m paid to do this. Feel free to ignore my suggestions. But don’t give me shit next month when, surprise! yet again, you don’t get paid because you choose to call yourself something other than what your name is.

11

I always wanted to be called T-Bone.

Tee-BONE, tee-BONE, tee-BONE!

12

You are no longer Big Tuna! You’re now Big Haircut!

13

[QUOTE=Noone Special]
See, this is the part I don’t get. …
All this requires is for an employee to correctly fill out a form once, on the day they start work.

What am I misunderstanding here?
[/QUOTE]

The part where human stupidity is allowed to come into play. :slight_smile:

I don’t handle payroll. Their hours are calculated according to specific rules and automatically tracked; it functions (I assume) much like every other company out there in that regard.

Bonuses, on the other hand, are calculated based on data provided by systems we don’t control. The only identifying data we get for these sales is a field filled in by the user – our agents, in this case – and while we’d prefer their ID is used, what the company who controls the system has chosen is to use their name. They’re the customer, we can’t say much.

So I get back a stack of names. This wouldn’t be so bad if the names matched what was in our systems (our HR database). But, since the channels to the customer are not part of HR, that’s not what happens. So, we get nicknames, misspellings, and so on. It requires human interaction to make it all match up. That’s where I come in.

And, with 2000+ people to do this shit for, who change every day, I can’t really keep up with everyone’s nickname. It’s hard enough getting them to match up despite the innocent typos.

14

From now on when I see Sofaspud , all I’m going to think is "oh, yeah. that’s Goober McPoopyPants!

15

[QUOTE=Sofaspud]
The part where human stupidity is allowed to come into play. :slight_smile:

I don’t handle payroll. Their hours are calculated according to specific rules and automatically tracked; it functions (I assume) much like every other company out there in that regard.

Bonuses, on the other hand, are calculated based on data provided by systems we don’t control. The only identifying data we get for these sales is a field filled in by the user – our agents, in this case – and while we’d prefer their ID is used, what the company who controls the system has chosen is to use their name. They’re the customer, we can’t say much.

So I get back a stack of names. This wouldn’t be so bad if the names matched what was in our systems (our HR database). But, since the channels to the customer are not part of HR, that’s not what happens. So, we get nicknames, misspellings, and so on. It requires human interaction to make it all match up. That’s where I come in.

And, with 2000+ people to do this shit for, who change every day, I can’t really keep up with everyone’s nickname. It’s hard enough getting them to match up despite the innocent typos.
[/QUOTE]

Gotcha :slight_smile:

But I think your rant should be directed at whoever designed / runs the system in place. How did they ever end up with nicknames in what should be the “Unique Identifier” field? :rolleyes:

Sounds to me more like corporate madness than individual stupidity.

16

[QUOTE=Noone Special]
Gotcha :slight_smile:

But I think your rant should be directed at whoever designed / runs the system in place. How did they ever end up with nicknames in what should be the “Unique Identifier” field? :rolleyes:

Sounds to me more like corporate madness than individual stupidity.
[/QUOTE]

Well… that’s a different rant. I’m taking steps, but I don’t control this stuff, so it’ll take a while to fix if it ever happens at all.

But I clearly explain the problem to the agents when they come to me after the first instance. They nod and say, Oh, OK, I understand. Then they come back again, a little less patient, and I explain again.

And again. And again.

So, yeah, the nature of the system? It’s rant-worthy. But the stupid shown by the people using the system? It’s a lot more immediate.

17

[QUOTE=Sofaspud]
Dear Fuckwits:

You have a full, proper, and legal name. It may be anything you wish it to be – you’re not limited to the name given to you by the crackheads that spawned you. You can go down to any of several local, convenient government offices and legally change your fucking name. Please do so if the one currently assigned to you distresses you that much.

You see, by using cutesy nicknames instead of your LEGAL name, you create problems. I know, I know, your self-absorbed little mentality doesn’t care that you’re a burden. But guess what, dumbass: when you make it difficult to identify you, you make it difficult to GIVE YOU YOUR FUCKING MONEY.

So, “Bambie-not-Barbara”, “Larry - I don’t like Michael and my middle name is Lawrence”, “Call me Sky. My name is Sara, but everyone calls me Sky.”, and others of your ilk: GROW the FUCK UP and (a) use your legal name, or (b) change the fucking thing. You can call yourself Goober McPoopyPants for all I fucking care and I’ll happily accept it as long as that’s what appears on your legal ID. I don’t care if your name is misspelled – with the fumble-fingered data entry clerks weve got around here, I’m used to it – or even if it’s a commonly-accepted short version – Rick for Richard, Dani for Danielle, what-fucking-ever – but if I can’t figure out who the fuck you are, then your money is going absolutely nowhere.

And when you come whining to me about how you didn’t get your bonus check, then I’ll print this rant out and hand it to you, and watch you attempt to read it – lips moving, no doubt, sounding out the long words like ‘the’ and ‘ID’ – and when you’re done, you can go fuck yourself with it until your little identity crisis is over.

Most Sincerely,
(and I mean that from the bottom of my heart)
Me.
[/QUOTE]

:rolleyes: So was it your mother or father who anmed you sofaspud? :dubious:

18

I’ve got a twinge of sympathy for the OP. But only a twinge. Anybody who’s got far enough in life to be earning an honest income should have figured out that there’s times where you need to be clear about who you are.

I’ve got an unusually-spelt name, and there’s times that I’ll offer the spelling without prompting. There’s also times where I don’t care how the hell it gets spelt, be it the English, Welsh or Irish version. If I’m dealing with finance, it’s most certainly the former.

However…I’d love to see the OP faced with a list of names corresponding to eleven-year-old kids, and working out how to go through it making sure to pick up on who dislikes their full name (sometimes to the point it’s an issue with bullying), who uses their middle name (and maybe has always done so, so doesn’t even initially respond to their first name being called out), who due to family circumstances uses a different surname than the legally-correct one on the list, and so on. Then work out your strategy for which names to use in which occasions, be it with the child, the parents, the school administration, or any combination of the three.

I’m pretty sure the easier job is setting up a standard email template for replies which says (a) I’m very sorry but I can’t match your name to the database, and (b) in future correspondence regarding payroll can you please supply your full legal name.

19

[QUOTE=Sofaspud]
Okay then. Now, let us suppose that you were one of the fuckwits at which my rant was directed. This means that, after I’ve explained to you that I’m not able to reconcile ‘Sky’ with ‘Jodi’, because they bear no relation AT ALL to each other, you’ll come back to me a month later wondering where your money is. Again.
[/quote]

Well, Sofaspud, at that time, I’m probably thinking you’re a bit of a moron. Not because I’m asking you to call me by a nickname like Sky, but because in your hypothetical I apparently had this same conversation with you last month. See, I get that you would not initially know the employee’s alias, but what’s your excuse for the complete brain-fart of that information from one month to the next?

OR, I can (c) live with it – go down to your office every fucking month, ask you for my check, until through the passage of time it hopefully sinks into your head who I am. In any case – what’s it to YOU? As long as the employee recognizes that this is inherently their problem, not your problem, I fail to see why it is any skin off your nose.

So, yeah, if they’re actually giving you a rasher of shit about it, it seems to me the response is an even “There are 2000 employees and there is no way I can keep track of every person who goes by a name that is different from the name on their check.” That still doesn’t put any onus on them to change their name; it only puts the onus on them to recognize the problem is largely theirs, not yours.

But if you honest to God have the same three people with whom you have this problem month after month, then for purposes of your own mental health you might want to take note of who they are and what nicknames they use. And if this is a problem with many employees – like more than a handful – then I think you need to speak to your company about instituting a system that can keep track of what people are actually called. Such a system would surely come in handy in a lot of different ways.

I just can’t get behind the idea that people should change their names for chrissakes, or even what they choose to be called, for the convenience of the Machine. If they choose to buck the system and take the delay that might be caused by that, good for them, sez I.

20

[QUOTE=Sofaspud]
Most Sincerely,
(and I mean that from the bottom of my heart)
Me.
[/QUOTE]
Your name isn’t “Me.”

I am me. You are Sofaspud. If you want to be known as me, change your fucking name to Ravenman so that I will not be confused.