I am 30 years old and have been getting high for 22 years. The first time I got high was when I was 8. My brother got me high so that I couldn’t narc on him. I have been going steady at it since then.
I have been able to kick all of my other addictions, but I have not been able to stop smoking weed. I was able to kick a 3 year meth addiction back in Feburary. Every since then I have wanted to quit smoking pot, but I just don’t have the damn will power. It seems to me that if I can beat such a serious addiction as meth, then I should have no problem quitting weed. That definitely is NOT the case. I have watched my weight get seriously out of control since quitting speed and I know it is from the munchies I get.
God damnit I am such a weak mother fucker. For some reason, I cannot fucking stand to be sober. So, I am pitting myself more than anything else really. I am pitting myself for being so fucking weak willed that I cannot “just say no” to pot. Someone once told me that it is impossible to get addicted to pot. Well, I may not have formed a physical addiction, but I sure as hell have a mental addiction to it.
FUCK MY WEAK WILL!!! FUCK IT IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS WITH A CLAW HAMMER!!!
Oh well, I’ll keep trying. I just had to vent a little.
I was thinking about NA, but then I would feel like an idiot. I mean there are people in there with meth, heroin, other types of hard core addictions. If I walked in there and told them that I couldn’t stop smoking pot, I’m afraid that they would laugh me out the door.
Boy do I ever identify with you on this. I smoked dope every night for almost 10 years. It was my friend. It was one of those things I could always count on-getting high and crashing for the night. It allowed me to just relax and forget about my day. Eventually though, after many years of this, the cycle really got to me-work, eat, smoke, munch, crash on couch.
I was a straight C student in high school, I dropped out of college, I had absolutely zero fucking motivation. I also began doing some experimentation with hallucinogens and had some pot-related bad experiences(internal to me), and rising anxiety problems. I was dealing to supplement my income and habit, hanging with a crew of really rough dudes who eventually ripped me off pretty good.
One day I just walked away from it. All of it. Most of my friends left me because I wouldn’t get blazed up with them, but that’s allright because it did show me who was truly on the level with me. Of course, I got arrested 6 months later for someone’s stash that was in my house, but it’s all good. My sobriety didn’t exclude me from taking responsibility for having friends over who had dope on them.
It’s tough, man. You have to be ready to dump your friends and acquaintances and show everyone that you’re serious about this. You kicked the meth, pot shouldn’t be nearly as tough.
Do you think that smoking pot is causing serious problems in your life? If not, I don’t see the problem with moderate usage. Sobriety certainly isn’t for everyone, and I think pot is the lesser of many evils.
It seems you have some strong compulsive addictive tendencies, Greathouse (which are perhaps understandable if you were fostered in a situation which involved smoking pot at eight years old, for fuck’s sake). You should be commended for conquering your seemingly numerous other addictions, leaving yourself only with the one which makes you something of a boring, fuzzy-headed layabout. This might preclude an altogether fulfilling life but, hey, at least you’re not an alcoholic (or, worse still, a workaholic)! Your strength in overcoming methadone addiction is truly Herculean, and you have no justification in Pitting yourself whatsoever.
I’d suggest substituting a bong with, say, a walk, during which you can contemplate how incredible it is that an animal evolved on this beautiful rock in this vast universe which found itself with the ability to see beauty in its surroundings, with or without stimulants.
Hang in there, friend.
I can see some problems, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that were serious. I just feel that I am 30 years old and I shouldn’t need to smoke weed in order to be happy or comfortable with myself.
I have been thinking about starting this pit thread for quite a while. I don’t know what brought it about today.
Ummm, a friend of a friend has a similar problem to yours. Quit drinking and cigarettes relatively painlessly but pot holds a grip.
Maybe completely quitting shouldn’t be the goal right now, baby steps approach.
Set up a little structure in your life- number one plan your meals. Promise yourself not to smoke for a few/couple of hours before a meal time. You’ll find the smoke ten minutes after dinner much more satisfying than the constant maintenance doses you probably currently do.
Don’t know your employment status- but no smoking several hours or during work- even if you have goofball job that easily allows it.
Pick up a hobby thaty takes some time and a little concentration. You can have a smoke before that but promise yourself to work on it for a couple of hours before you do more.
Don’t smoke joints, smoke bowls through a waterpipe- restrict number in a sitting. A joint is always too big for one guy and less healthy.
Get out of the house and run errands or something, “forget” your dope at home.
I know that these all require willpower, but maybe you can use some or all incrementally and slowly crank down to a level you are happy with. Good luck.
[on preview] Like GaWd said, who you hang out with might be an issue.
I am a network engineer, but the shit is so easy that I usually smoke a bowl in the morning before work, have one when I go home for lunch, and another when I get home after work. I have told myself for the past 2 days that I won’t smoke before I go to work, and have been able to stick to it. But then I find myself sitting at my desk, watching the clock, until time to go home. All in anticipation of smoking.
I lost all of my friends back in Feburary when I quit the speed. Well, I wouldn’t say lost…more like I made the choice not to be around them.
I may check to see if I can find a meeting this weekend. I was in AA from 18 - 22 years old. Of course I was on the Marijuana Maintenance Program. But I am familiar with the 12 step programs and to be honest with you, I made some of the best friends I ever had when I was in AA.
If you want to quit, that’s your prerogative, but in this life I think we all have our crutches. Pot is healthier than many of the alternatives. I’m not advocating it, but I don’t think you’re abnormal because you need a substance to feel happy and comfortable.
Some of us overeat, some drink, some do cocaine, others work all the time, etc. Then there’s a huge percentage of the population who are on some type of anti-depressant or benzodiazepene to control stress and depression. For me, being slightly altered is a preferable state of being. It’s what keeps me sane.
Personally, I’m leery of the all or nothing approach though it clearly works for some. The problem specifically with pot is that it doesn’t really ruin your life to be addicted so the pain of cold turkey is pretty hard to put up with. I know plenty of tea-totallers who would switch places with you in a sec, minus the addictions of course.
I agree with Indygrrl to a certain extent, but in your case smoking before work and at lunch is a sign that there is a problem-I’m not judging you at all, but I always considered substance use while technically “on the job” a no-no. For me, when it was work time(eg, monday-friday), I only doped up at night. The weekends I was much more liberal with my application of self-medication, and I was never a wake and bake pothead.
In that respect, I think I was an atypical pothead. Most of my friends used to love nothing more than to roll over, pack a bowl and lay in bed getting high.
Good luck. I think you have a lot of advice and a lot of support here. Like Andros said, NA people don’t make light of substance abuse A La “that pothead movie whose name I cannot remember at the moment”*. I will say, however, that when choosing an NA location, be sure to find one that is in a part of town you’re comfortable in. My court-ordered experience taught me that being uncomfortable in an NA meeting was a bad thing.
Sam
*-From my pothead days, I cannot for the life of my remember the title of that movie since I’ve been sober. It’s a funny side-effect of long term pot use and watching certain movie only when high, I think.
This is a WAG, here. Is it possible that your brain developed around the use of pot, so that it now isn’t structured to be happy without it? You started using very young. If so, there may be major restructuring needed in order function sober. It may not happen fast. It would not be a physical addiction to pot, exactly. It wouldn’t be an emotional addiction, exactly either, at least not alone. Your brain might literally have to learn to produce and balance neurochemicals without the pot being there.
I don’t know if there’s any literature out there on the effects of pot on brain development. But starting at eight has to have more of an effect than starting at eighteen.
It’s obviously not just a matter of will, or you would still have your other addictions. I can’t imagine folks at NA not giving you props for that. You might even be an inspiration to the folks still working on heavy addictions: proof that those addictions can be beaten.
Your dissatisfaction with your current state does you credit. Keep chipping away at this. Give yourself credit. Let every hour that you put it off be a victory. Get support. This isn’t as small a thing as you think it ought to be.
I admire your accomplishments. I don’t think you’re going to stop here. Your post didn’t sound weak. It sounded like you were resting up for the next climb, but that, even resting, you had to announce your next goal.
Carnalk’s advice sounds good. Any step forward is a good step. Good luck with this, Greathouse. We’re rooting for you.
