I pit the dumbass who nearly caused a pileup

This morning, driving down a major highway in my city- I’m in the fast lane, keeping up with traffic but keeping my distance from the car ahead of me. Everything is going swimmingly, or so I thought.

As we near a portion of the highway that goes up over a hill, I can see further down the lane and notice that a small blue car is holding up a long line of traffic in the fast lane. Well, nothing new there. I keep pace in the fast lane and keep my distance. There’s no one behind me, which turned out to be a good stoke of luck. I had gotten a late start so the traffic wasn’t as bad as it normally is.

Suddenly, the large SUV in front of me slams on the brakes and starts skidding. I dart my eyes to the right, notice no one in the lane to my right, and quickly manuever my car over to the middle lane, then quickly move to the far right, thus escaping what might have been a mighty unpleasant meeting with the SUV in front of me.

As I drive down the far right lane, I notice the long line of traffic in the fast lane has come to almost a complete stop. The small car at the head of the line is wobbling at about 10 mph, and I see the driver jerking at something next to him; possibly a manual gear shift. I see the hazards come on, the car continues to wobble slowly down the lane - but the driver is still making no effort to maneuver the car onto the breakdown lane that is literally right next to him and out of the way of the traffic behind him.

As I continued slowly down the far right lane I glanced in the rearview and noticed that the driver had stopped the car in the middle of the fast lane, got out of the car and started waving traffic around the stopped vehicle.

I was astonished that it appeared to me the driver made no attempt whatsoever to maneuver onto the breakdown lane, where he’d have been out of the way of oncoming traffic. I was amazed that he was directing traffic from the front of his vehicle.


Traffic started backing up immediately, horns are blaring, and people are trying to get out from behind this car.

I pit him for not having the sense to move his vehicle to the breakdown lane as soon as the car “broke down”. He nearly caused a major pileup and endangered himself and others by not having good enough sense to get the hell out of the way on a major highway - he’s directing traffic in front of his broken-down car!

Ah, if only he was directing the traffing from behind his car… where the traffic is coming from! And then if someone was slow to see him and react with the brakes, we would remove himself from the gene pool.*

  • Oh paging Mr Darwin, we’d have a new award winner here!