I would have thrown a menopause party if there had ever been I time i could definitively decide it was over.
Mine is more of a circus freak- although it doesn’t run like a German train. Almost 54 years old and it hasn’t stopped yet. Just skips every once in a while so I can wonder if I’ll make the Guinness Book
53 here. I haven’t had a full-fledged period for a couple years, but I’ve had a couple episodes of PMS followed by a day or two of brown smudge in the past year. Whenever this happens, I write “LMP (the date)” on a slip of paper and leave it in my safe, just so I know for sure.
Mine were never as bad as a lot of other people’s, and I never really minded until the last few years; every month, I’d think “I cannot wait for this to be over.”
If I was a menstruating woman nowadays, I’d get some Chux pads and put those on my bed. Those would have been a lifesaver had they been readily available when I was a teenager.
Mine was January 2nd, 1980. We drove home on New Year’s as usual, and as usual called my grandparents’ to let them know we’d arrived fine and my 8-months younger cousin got on the line to proudly proclaim “I am a woman now! I just had my period!” That night I had to get my mother out of bed at 3am to bum a pad.
This year on January I started having hot flashes and bouts of anger which, while warranted (I’ve got a lot of excuses to be angry, lately), are all out of proportion. And that period which has run like clockwork for all those years (down to being periodic in hours and in the delay I had every Spring and the advance I got every Fall) is now irregular, yay.
The hot flashes are nice, as this hole where my team is stored tends to be on the cold side (we call it the mushroom farm; it’s not dark but we’re underground and eating a lot of shit). The not so nice news is that I’m 49 and my mother’s last period was at 54, so I may have ahead about 6 years of carrying pads around just in case. At least they’re a lot thinner now…
I’m so dense, I thought Uteri was a username.
I spent the weekend in bed because of my stupid uterus. And the stupid migraine. And the stupid cramps. No actual bleeding at this time. I don’t know if that means there won’t be any bleeding this month or if it means that I’ll spontaneously start bleeding at some random point. Now my stomach is shredding itself because of the migraine medicine.
I’m on depo, which worked for about twenty years to prevent a period, but I’m pushing fifty now and I assume my body is flirting with menopause. Now I apparently just randomly get random symptoms. Join the fun!
I went on the pill not because I was sexually active at the time, but simply to get my period to live up to its common name. I kept records of when it started and stopped for years until then. Pre-pill, the “average” cycle was about 42 days, plus or minus 23 (yes, you read that right). And it could range from a really nasty/heavy 3 days up to 2 weeks or so of spotting spotting spotting. I was so grateful that taking the pill meant I had a good chance of knowing when it would start.
Now I’m post menopausal, and I’m even happier.
I’ve discovered the joys of menstruation while on serious anti-coagulants! It’s like a slaughterhouse. Bizarrely, I’m passing MORE clots, just because there is so much blood involved. Also, anemia.
approaches all the lady Dopers cautiously, bearing heating pads, tea with brandy, chocolate, and foot massage
Regards,
Shodan
Murderbed! Ugh sorry your meds are making bad even worse.
I can get behind this.
I posted a while ago about my period mishaps and finding out my thyroid doesn’t work but now I have an even better story.
My doctor recommended Mirena after my daughter was born. It looked like a good idea but I was terrified of all the horror stories so I used the minipill for a long while. After a year or so of that, I saw my doctor again, she answered more of my questions, put my mind at ease and I decided to get the Mirena IUD. It was glorious! Sort of. I bled for three month straight and passed clots that looked a big terrifying. Then, it stopped. My uterus was happy and I was happy not getting pregnant. My periods shortened to about three short days of light bleeding. I really loved my IUD.
Unfortunately, my uterus decided, after 11 months of glorious tiny periods and no pain, to eject my IUD.
While it wasn’t painful, it was DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE to have an IUD stuck halfway out for the two days I had to wait until my doctor could remove it.
So no more IUDs for me. Back to the pill. I freaking hate the pill.
I endorse this pitting.
I would like to know why we haven’t evolved regenerating teeth and a better cleaner reproductive system yet; where do I lodge my complaint?
Oh, and some of us get the opposite of constipation, which makes for a super fun bonus to a time when you already feel disgusting and unclean. Go team!
I’m not fond of my uterus and periods either. I get (usually pretty bad) cramps. Since I don’t want children, I sometimes wish I could just have my uterus removed, but I understand that’s not really done if someone simply doesn’t want periods.
I hope you are luckier than I was. I missed a couple last summer and, since I was 52, thought OK, this is it. Show’s finally over! Then I went to the doctor and had an ultrasound; she said I still had some “follicles” (ova in waiting) left to use up–and, sure enough, the very next day…
I’ve been semi-regular since, waiting for the really truly final one. Oh, and I have a fibroid.
My wife just entered menopause. Lucky her. She now can go from sub-zero to boiling in nanoseconds.
I want a trophy when I finish menopause. I’m sure I deserve it.
Ah, yeah. That happens to me too.
I have had two respites from periods in my life. At basic training, the intense physical activity caused my periods to stop for about five months, and when I was pregnant and then nursing, I got about a two year break. Good times.
This is one time when everyone really does deserve a trophy.
I just want to say I am tired of being asked the date of the first day of my last period. I can say the last day of my last period because it was on my 50 birthday and I looked down and said really? Isn’t it time we were done with this mess? And we were.
and by the way going through menopause is like several years of the worst periods ever. Flooding, cramps, extra days, nausea, diarrhea, feeling like you have the flu. so glad that is done.
Not entirely certain you’ve got that order correct - For teh vast majority of the population, the Appendix just sits there, doing nothing. Per your rant, it’s fairly clear that the Uterus actively plots malice.