Sir, I can’t help but let you know that something about you really rubs me the wrong way. To be fair, it’s not your politics. I’ve never been that interested to find out where you stand on important issues for the simple reason that politics don’t interest me all that much and that you never seem to stand a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting elected president. Wait, I know what it is about you that irks me. It’s that an uncharismatic cave troll like you managed to score a wife who’sthisfuckin’hot!
So you couldn’t convince a single state to elect you the winner in a presidental primary, but this Teri Polo-lookalike who’s less than half your age and two feet taller than you wants to have your babies? Something’s not right here, yo. I expect my potential first ladies to be subdued and frumpy, not a chick I want to see clad in beach volleyball-wear and making ornery sex faces on the cover of Maxim for fuck’s sake. And I want that very much.
Maybe she’s attracted to your power, you say? Bullshit. What power? You represent Cleveland and its surrounding areas in the House. That’s like being the night manager at a fuckin’ White Castle.
But maybe, just maybe, she sees in you an honest, compassionate soul so vibrant and decent that physical appearance just doesn’t matter to her. Well, I say bullshit to that. What are you doing running for president, anyway? You should be at the North Pole making toys, goddamnit!
I’m sorry if I seem a little cranky. I haven’t been laid in a while. Oh well, back to the online personal ads for me. It’s fun being in your mid-30s on personal ad sites, you know? All the good women have long since been snatched up and what I’m left with is a Star Wars cantina of fatties, fuglies, drunks and crazies. Or some wacky combination therein. But I don’t want to trouble you with my problems. You’ve got a campaign to run. Best of luck to you, sir.
Your humble servant,
Every decent cave troll worth his mustard carries a club. Those long ruby locks would make it easy to drag back to the cave too. Why does she stay? Maybe he really knows how to use that club, if ya know what I mean.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I certainly wouldn’t describe her as “fuckin’ hot”. At best, she’s attractive; at least a good 1.5-2 points short of the mark you gave her. Certainly, there’s plenty of other high profile politicians with hotter wives than that; and with crazy politics to boot.
If all politicians, everywhere, thought like Kucinich, our species would not have such a high suckiness quotient. But, of course, politicians are mainly concerned with what they can grab, and with what their cronies can grab, and Kucinich has as much chance of becoming president as any other cave troll. Perhaps snaring one of the few American pols with a decent conscience was a turn-on to the wife. Liz is a very cool person in her own right, BTW. Although I wouldn’t rate her higher than a 7.
My interest in the webcomic Elf Only Inn was completely derailed when it switched from mocking chat room RPers to mocking Dennis Kucinich instead.
Also, at about the same time, I suddenly became allergic to rats. This may not have been Dennis Kucinich’s fault. But I wouldn’t put it past him either.
Regarding Mrs. Kucinich: yeah, she’s pretty hot. I’d buy her some eyebrows.
God forbid a woman might be attracted to a man because he is intelligent, articulate, and idealistic - and doesn’t feel the need to pepper his sentences with “yo”.
With such a great attitude, I can’t imagine why you’re having trouble.
When I saw the title of…this…I immediately got ready to defend our little elf’s policies. I am, after all, a fan. But. I had never seen the wife, and now I feel quite different about Dennis. Kinda grossed out. Since when do politicians see the need to date model-like women anyway?
Or maybe he’s just attracted to her mind. (hah.)
I think the sharp divergence in responses here is an indication of the especially pronounced polarization in response to redheads. To some guys, goodlooking + redheaded = hottest thing in the galaxy, while to others it = okay but nowhere near as hot as a goodlooking blonde or brunette.
He married his current (and third, thereby drawing level with Newt Gingrich in the divorce-and-remarriage stats) wife in 2005.
According to this, Elizabeth Harper volunteered at one of Mother Theresa’s homes for poor children, worked as an advocate for regional development in Tanzania, volunteered for the British Red Cross, etc.
No wonder she and Dennis are simpatico! A union of bleeding hearts!
