I Pit You Pregnant Lady

The BBQ Pit
1

Here is the story:

My spouse and I have been trying to concieve a child for 7 years – with no luck. We have tried specialists, IVF, second opinions, etc – all to no avail.

We have grieved over this and, with time, we have decided to try adoption.

In our state, there is a mandatory 10 week, 3 hours each time, training class we must take before we can apply.

Our class is made up of 5 couples – a very nice lesbian couple, and older couple looking to adopt their grandchildren and three other couples (including us) who have fertility issues.

The first week we all share our stories in class, including fertility problems.

The second week, one woman announces that she is pregnant! She proceeds to do this “victory dance” and pumps her fist in the air. There is a loud applause.

My spouse and I look at each other and I feel a stab of pain in my stomach. We talk about it after class and agree, while painful for us, we would probably do the same thing if we were lucky enough to conceive a child.

The next week the woman continues to talk about how she is pregnant (each time doing the victory fist in the air) – talking about how her soon to be “birth child” will interact with any “adopted child” they may receive. This is still tolerable.

Since the class is three hours each time, at night, each couple brings in food to share and eat during class. The woman stands up during class and makes an announcement "I WOULD REQUEST NO ONE BROUGHT IN CHOCOLATE DESSERTS BECAUSE I AM PREGNANT!!! (Victory fist in the air)

She has stopped class to ask if decaf coffee could be made because she is pregnant.

She has announced in class “Now that I am pregnant (victory fist), I just see this adoption thing differently.”

She has complained in class that she is cold at work because she is pregnant.

In class we get “stickers” for each positive thing we do in class – the person with the most stickers at the end of the 10 weeks gets a prize (that is a pit unto itself). This woman anounced one day in class "DO I GET AN EXTRA STICKER FOR BEING PREGNANT! (victory fist)

In sum, she is really outspoken and agressive about being pregnant – in an adoption class filled with infertile couples. It really pisses me off.

Now I am pissed because this is an adoption class and we all shared our pain with infertility.

Do I have a right to be pissed.

Keep in mind:

  1. I am not talking about the real world. People get pregnant all the time and have every right to be happy. I know I would be. If this was a workplace setting I would not be pissed (maybe hurting inside for my own selfish reasons)

  2. I think announcing you are pregnant and being happy about it, and bringing it up in normal conversation in adoption class is ok.

  3. She knows the rest of us have infertlity issues – she thought she had this problem too until she got pregnant.

  4. It is the in-your-face victory dancing and making loud pronouncements at an adoption class that pisses me off.

Am I off base?

2

Wait until she delivers and then steal the baby. “Who’s dancing now, bitch!”

And since when can’t pregnant women eat chocolate?

3

While I think it is crass to a point to be doing this in front of many infertile couples, this class is also not a support group (unless I am misinterpreting it) for infertile couples. Just from your description it doesn’t appear to me that she is overdoing it, maybe slightly so. It’s hard to tell, but do you think she is doing it as a kind of “Nyah! Nyah!” we’re pregnant, or just that she is so happy about it she wants to talk about ir, or maybe it isn’t even that egregious but you have a heightened awareness of it. I would suggest that since you are undomfortable with it that maybe you talk to her about it in a polite way.

4

Hmmm… gloating syndrome… combined with attention seeking…

Firstly, you can’t change people, only your reactions.

Secondly, you have a right to assert your sense of discomfort over this. Try saying something to the effect of “Look, you really need to learn a new way of talking to all of us right now because I think I’m safe in saying we’re all feeling increasingly uncomfortable about how you’re going about this as the moment. Speak to us with respect, and that’s what you’ll get back. This gloating thing you’re doing? It makes us feel uncomfortable, OK?”

5

Um, no. You’re not. In fact, it’s pretty fuckin’ insensitive. Don’t get me wrong, I think she has reason to celebrate her pregnancy. But it sounds like she’s making it an “in your FACE!” thing. What’s with the fist pump? Damn, bitch, sit down already. The world doesn’t revolve around your uterus.

6

No, no, no. You’re not off-base. She has every right to be happy, but it sounds like she’s basically lording her happiness over everyone in the class, who, just weeks prior, were in the same boat with her, pregnancy-wise (victory fist). It seems pretty analogous to, say, you and a group of 20 friends trying out for the same team in high school and one dude gets on and, instead of everyone being happy with him and congratulating him, he insists on pissing everyone off by talking about how much he deserved it and how bad-ass he is. Immature, silly, and mean. May I say “fuck that bitch”?

Yes, I can.

7

Pregnant women should cut out as much caffeine as possible from their diets. This includes (sigh) chocolate. Although the occasional piece wouldn’t hurt.

8

Off base? Hell no!

If I were you, I’d take her aside and say point blank, “Excuse me, but your constant talk of how you’re pregnant is really starting to become quite hurtful to the rest of us. We’re happy for you, but you’re being extremely insensitive. Would you mind not boasting so much?”

9

It’s perfectly normal to be happy about being pregnant. It’s unbelievably insensitive to do the Tom Cruise fist pump/couch jump * “Did I mention that I’m pregnant??? I’m soooooooo pregnant!!! WOO HOO I’M PREGNANT!!!”* in a room full of infertile people.

10

:eek: Tom Cruise is pregnant!?!?!? :eek:

11

If so, that would probably be the *least *of the weird things about the guy. :smiley:

12

It’s the new Scientology.

And the woman is being a total insensitive bitch. Everyone would probably be a lot happier for her if she wasn’t rubbing it in their faces.

Congrats on your pending adoption, by the way. I’ve got a friend who’s just waiting for her baby, and I can’t wait! I’m looking forward to the phone call telling me she’s a mom:).

E.

13

He’s filled with Xenu’s baby yogurt.

14

She sounds like someone who has had her brain addled by hormones and is being a heartless smug arsehole due to this. Or maybe she was always a bitch.

For catharsis, I suggest you watch The Office Christmas Special [British edition]. There’s a scenario in that DVD where a guy says to a smug indulgent pregnant woman what a lot of people want to, but feel unable to in polite society.

15

If this is going like you describe, I agree with the majority here who think she is out of line. I’d suggest you approach the instructor and ask their opinion on whether she is a bit over the top. If the instructor agrees, perhaps they can gently guide the lady to tone it down a bit.

16

Nah, wait until she’s 8 1/2 months pregnant and then steal the baby.

17

Tolerate her Football-type victory dancing.

Hell…Encourage it!

With luck, on delivery day, she’ll spike the…I can’t do the joke, it’s too horrid, even for a saturnine misanthrope like me.

18

Furnishesq, I am gobsmacked on a daily basis of the insensitivity of people to others. I do not think you are off base at all, and I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

Is there no way, perhaps your wife and you could pull her gently aside and quietly reiterate the journey that you’ve travelled to get to the adoption class? Remind her the reason that she is in the class with you.

Remind her quietly that she too went through the journey that bought you all to the class, and though you are pleased as punch for her, that her constant reinforcing of her pregnancy is making what should be a fantastic and exciting time for you excrutiating.

And remember this should be a fantastic and exciting time for you both - a super huge congratulations for deciding to adopt. :slight_smile:

19

Complete fucking cunt for going way over the top in a room with infertile couples. Congrats on the pregnancy, but this isn’t exactly the right forum to be gloating. Go make some friends as it’s obvious this is the only chance you have of celebrating in a social setting. (And it’s not even a social setting.)

She may as well point to the blackboard and scream:

"SCOREBOARD!!!"
Good luck with the adoption. Maybe her ego will somehow get in the way causing her to drop the idea and make room for a couple that doesn’t see raising a child as some sort of competition. One can dream.

20

<nitpick>
Chocolate does not contain caffeine, it contains theobromine. They are both stimulants, but they have different effects. Disallowing chocolate because it contains caffeine is wrong, although theobromine might be a good enough reason anyway.

</nitpick>