The group leader should take her aside and ask her to cool her jets.
And she’s also a moron for carrying on during the early part of pregnancy, particularly if she’s had fertility issues. Being pregnant is by itself no guarantee that she’ll have a child.
OTOH, if she does wind up with two babies at once - tee hee! She’s really and truly in for it. I’ve got twins & I can tell you, she’ll be pulling her hair out (and anyone else’s if they’re stupid enough to get within reach).
She’s an attention whore and needs to be taken down a few notches.
Sure, someone will point at you and say “Look at the bad, bad people making the poor pregnant gal feel bad.”
I say “Screw 'em!”
The first announcement that she’s pregnant is acceptable; I suppose the fist-pump is even okay.
Beyond that, she’s being insensitive, rude and an ass.
I don’t even think it matters that everyone else is infertile. Well, of course, it makes it much more insensitive, but it would be rude and crass if you guys were in a book club.
This woman is, of course, being enormously insensitive and quite the jackass, but I think what disturbs me the most is the following…
Jesus Christ, what a bitch. The onus is upon HER to monitor HER food intake. Being in the same room as the chocolate and coffee* is not going to deform her child anymore than the spite and stupidity** running through her veins. If there are no snacks that don’t steer clear of the things she wishes to avoid, that’s too damn bad. She should bring her own.
*Chocolate and coffee, like peanut butter, do not fly though the air.
**In fact, my guess is the spite and stupidity will harm her child far more in the long run than a cup of coffee and a Hershey bar duing the pregnancy.
I agree FaerieBeth. I can see requesting that decaf coffee be available (if it hadn’t previously), but how the hell does being in the same room with chocolate affect a pregnant woman? It seems like it was just another opportunity for her to announce, yet again, that she’s PREGNANT.
I also agree with TellMeI’mNotCrazy that constantly bringing up “I’m PREGNANT” is rude–or at least incredibly annoying–in any situation. But in a group full of infertile couples? That’s etiquettehell territory. Yeah, being pregnant does come up in conversation and it’s not something women should tip toe around saying. However, it seems this one is trying to drop the P bomb as often as possible.
What a snotty response to someone who had posted some relevant information. Yes, by all means, the mighty GYBRFE has posted a link which answers all. The all-knowing one has spoken. No one else can speak afterwards.
In reality, I don’t really care about the caffeine content (or not) of chocolate, and I don’t think that’s what this thread is about. And I realize this response can be seen as being somewhat snotty as well. My apologies for those who are offended.
Back to the OP: I think preggers lady could’ve been given a bye for the first fist-pumping announcement, but after that, it’s just obnoxious. I think you or your spouse should talk to the person leading the course, and ask her/him if they could have a word with her, and point out that her continual repetitions is hurtful to a number of people in the class, and ask her to tone it down.
Best of luck with your adoption! I think your child will be very fortunate to have parents who have worked so hard to get him or her, and truly realize how precious he or she is.
First hand experience - I am caffeine-intolerant, and I can’t drink coffee without shaking like a leaf, but I can (and do) eat chocolate with no negative effects. Take it for what it’s worth.
Yup, furnishesq, Ms. Preggers is being insensitive and rude. I would either talk to her or ask the facilitator to do so. Rubbing other people’s faces in what they can’t have is quite gauche.
I think you and others this woman is bothering should talk to the facilitator of the group. Said facilitator should confront her on her behavior for the good of the group.
That said, can you attend a later session or a different group if it bothers you that much?
Thanks for all the feedback everyone. To answer a few questions:
This is in no way an exaggeration on my part – this woman is actually doing all of this (victory fist)
Each week at the end of class we get a feedback form. My spouse and I have written to the instructors that there needs to be more sensitivity to infertility issues – nothing has been done.
We don’t want to be too vocal to the instructors. The instructors are county social service and child protection workers. After these classes and a complete criminal and health background check they determine if we are suitable to adopt.
The infertile couples in our class had to fill out a special form in which they basically were testing if we were going to freak out and treat adopted kids like shit because they were not our biological kids
(The Pregnant woman* actually sang* I don’t have to do this, I don’t have to do this!") (victory fist)
She is in the very early (month to two month) stage of her pregnancy
Why don’t we quit and go to another class? We are in week 7 of a week 10 course. It is time consuming and boring. Better to get it over with now.
Well, if you’ve only got three weeks to go hang in there. I would recommend bringing in a big plate of chocolate chocolate chip cookies on “graduation day.”
Of course, the next time she does her “victory fist,” your wife can burst into large, noisy tears. That might wake her up to what a jerk she’s being.
I feel bad for the adoptive kid from this woman’s behavior. It sounds like she is not going to treat her adopted child as well as her bio-child. I have seen that once before in a family that had fertility issues, adopted, and then had a child. The poor kid who was adopted was always treated like shit, even when he wasn’t be a wild child. I always wondered what came first. But, I have seen other families where that didn’t happen of course. Still, this woman doesn’t seem like she has very good impulse control.
Sure, if she wanted to prove me wrong, go ahead, but she didn’t. She just posted a knee-jerk response without having read the rest of the thread.
They are all reputable sources, but only one mentions theobromine (which was the international Cocoa organisation, but not on that link). I followed this path:
So, yes, they do contain caffeine. I am wrong. But at least I can read the thread and acknowledge responses that may have some bearing on my reply.
Wow. Just wow. I guess I can understand how she would be excited about being pregnant but I think only a selfish bitch would be so dense as to not see how insensitive it is to make a big deal of her pregnancy in a group with several infertile couples.
I think she’s jumping the gun by celebrating (so obnoxiously) so soon. Many people keep quiet about it until they’ve passed the 3 month mark.
You should talk to the instructor but if you’re not comfortable with that, just hang in there and it will be over soon. Hopefully, you will get a much wanted child and her behavior will not have gone unnoticed and the social workers will turn her down.
Not chocolate enough. Bring fudge brownies. Mocha fudge brownies. With chocolate-covered coffee beans sunk into them. And a little sign on them that reads “carob.”
I’d be amused at the irony that the woman least likely to be able handling raising a child is the one who got pregnant, if I didn’t feel sorry for a) the child that will be stuck being raised by this hideous bitch and b) everyone the resulting horrible child will encouner and make miserable throughout its life.
In answer to the OP, I agree with most here that she’s being oblivious and insensitive. Perhaps not purposely being a bitch, but the result of her actions is that she is causing people discomfort.
I think it sounds like this woman needs a very blunt, “You know, we’re all happy you’re so fucking fertile, now shut the hell up, you insensitive cow!” bucket of cold water in the face.
If you’re not that confrontational, how about just, “Excuse me, but would you stop rubbing your fertility in our faces? Did you ever stop and think that maybe you’re being very hurtful to the rest of us?”
