Wake up, hasn’t anyone told you it’s autumn, or if you prefer, fall, it’s supposed to start getting chilly.
I woke up around 4 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s bad enough when the alarm goes off at 5:30.
There are thousands of suffering narcoleptics who would gladly trade places with you, ya know. Guess they can just suck it up, right?
I can’t decide whether to sign up for a marathon or a half, for my next race.
nm [woops, wrong thread]
If your username is an indication - sign up for the marathon that gets you out of the way of the serious competitors as soon as possible!
My dog follows me around the house, sits beside me, but moves away if I try to give him cuddles.
Hey, look on the positive side…your unwanted advances could get you selected for a high court position!! Win win.
This is my first time logging onto the StraightDope in about 60 days or so…
We all have discussed ditching you, closing the games, but we were having too much fun without you. a…er…welcome back, I guess.
I mailed some Jack Handey wit to cheer up an ailing friend.
Cause you aren’t funny on your own. Good call.
My dog is whining for a treat, poor thing.
Not feeding your dog? Please tell us your address so we can report you to the authorities for animal abuse.
I think fountain pens provide for a more elegant looking script than any ball point pen ever will
Fountain pens discriminate against left-handed people by smearing ink all over the page as our hand passes the writing, but don’t let that dampen your snobbery.
Coffee pods may be bad for the environment, but they sure are easy.
So now you’re concerned about the environment? Just take the time and make a pot of coffee.
My dogs are adorable.
Oh, so, what? Are you saying that our dogs are not adorable? Are you insulting our dogs? What sort of jerk does that? shakes head
It’s not my birthday today.
So I just completely wasted my time by baking this cake for you?!
I like angel food cake.
Oh, that is SO typical! “Angel food” cake! You take the blandest and most sickly-sweet example of wypipo cooking, and try to claim that it’s somehow pure and holy and sacred! I guess tres leches cake or sweet potato pie are Satanic, huh?
I think fall weather is finally starting around here! I’m definitely looking forward to cool, clear days and chilly, cozy evenings!
It’s about time you looked forward to something, you were depressing the hell out of all of us.
Sleeping well is nice.
How can you say that to a insomniac? How cruel.
I am eating candy corn.
Oh my goodness! I’ll call 911. You must have a gun to your head. I hope you are ok.
I have my finger in my navel.
Trying to find yourself?
It’s raining here.
I wished it had been raining here in Hackensack yesterday, when a furniture store on Main Street burned down.
Go, Red Sox!
What an offensive sentiment! No explanation as to why is required here!
Single-ply toilet paper is simply not the way to go.
What, are you trying to single-handedly deforest the planet just so you have ultra-soft eight-ply ass-wipe paper?
I love this crisp fall weather we’re having.