Finish my sentence, and start a new one!

Most of my encounters with the police _______________

Most of my encounters with the police have ended up on You Tube.

When I get really mad _______________

When I get really mad I curse.
When I walk my dogs we_________.

When I walk my dogs we both use the same hydrant.

I had to go the the pharmacy to pick up my __________.

I had to go to the pharmacy and pick up my date.

When I watch a movie_______.

I can never stay to the end due to various bladder problems.

My doctor said my bladder problems _______________

^^^^^are genetic.
My young daughter just told me_________.

“When I get old enough, I wanna marry someone just like the President!”

I have a black stapler, but I still __________________

favor my blue one.

When I get up in the morning…

…I cry myself back to sleep.

This will be the day that…

^^^^^I quit my job to write the great American novel.
I graduated from_________.

Starfleet Academy, but I’ve found it hasn’t really helped me find a good job dirtside.

The next time I head out into space, ___________________________

I’ll remember to take my bunny slippers, instant cocoa, and chewable vitamins.
If I had a hammer ____________

I wouldn’t hammer in the morning, that’s just rude.

I really have a craving right now for…

… pickles and raspberry ice cream.

I’ve got an appointment with …

the White House Communications Director, if I can just figure out who it is today.

The last time I visited the White House, ________________________________

_____was over 10 years ago.

I plan not to visit the White House again until _______

___it is a smoldering pile of wreckage.

The Alien invasion began_____

the day I was born.

It is so freaking hot outside…

…I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

I mixed my JELL-O with…