Really? Posters from all over the world on this thread are dying laughing over the contents here and you have the audacity to feed us a line about you sweet old aunt which we can’t possibly make fun of? The nerve!
My printer has decided to stop printing for absolutely no reason at all.
What, you’ve forgotten how to write with a pen? Sorry-ass millennials! When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, you’ll all be jerky.
Shouldn’t have mentioned jerky. Now I’m hungry.
So what? There are people who go hungry all the time, because they don’t have the money to buy enough food)
I found a great Chinese recipe cookbook, printed in 1970, at the thrift store. My sister collects old cookbooks, and she is going to love it!
You’re a fine one to talk about starving people! Thanks to you, and your sister’s hoarding of valuable resources, there’s a poor family somewhere in China that was finally able to scrounge up a few grains of rice and other ingredients, but without that cookbook they’ll have no clue how to prepare a Szechuan stir fry. When they starve, it’s going to be on your head!
And do you have any idea how long that poor starving family had to scrounge just to fill one single wok with those precious ingredients? Dawn to dusk, my friend, dawn to friggin’ dusk. How long did it take you to crush their hopes and dreams?
French fries are one of my favorite foods.
Enjoy them before your first heart attack and they are taken off your diet. Seriously there is a Washington Post article stating Mcdonalds French fries have 19 ingredients, and all of them are essential according to Mikky Ds.
We went to Zoo Lights at the Calgary Zoo on the weekend.
A zoo? You mean a prison for animals, where innocent creatures are locked into tiny enclosures, to be gawked at by slack-jawed yokels and their screaming brats. Wonder how the tropical animals enjoy a Calgary winter? And you didn’t even look at the poor beasties,didja? You just looked at the lights. Don’t know how you can sleep at night, you monster.
Not even close to done with Christmas shopping.
You’re so concerned for the poor animals, but what about the poor elves Santa keeps imprisoned for slave labor? Do you have any idea how long the thousands of often starving elves have to work just to fill one single mall with your precious Christmas goodies? Dawn to dusk, my friend, dawn to friggin’ dusk.
I can hardly wait for the New Year.
Uggh! All that New Year’s means is that we’re past the actual happiness of the Christmas season, and starting two depressing months of unrelenting snow, cold, and dark.
I just watched The Greatest Showman the other night – what a fun, entertaining musical!
You’re kidding, right? You went to see that sappy farce where they sing the virtues of PT Barnum the king of animal abusers? And wasn’t Huge Jackoff, who sings like a wolverine, in the starring role? Sad.
I watched Die Hard again. What a great Christmas movie!
What do you want from us, a “yippee ki yay”? That played-out dreck is anything but a Christmas movie.
I’m looking forward to my day off work tomorrow!
What makes this one so friggin’ special? Haven’t you already had, like, 340 this year? I’d suggest that you get an actual job to take days off from, but we all know you’d never pass the drug screening.
I’m so excited—less than 400 days till Xmas 2019!
It’s good you can count that high – it’ll come in handy if you ever decide to go to work for a living.
Winter hasn’t been too bad so far this year.
Aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine! Why don’t you share your opinion with people suffering in cold, frigid conditions with snow drifts as far as the eyes can see.
I’m happy tomorrow is Thursday, the weekend is around the corner.
You do know that Thursday is named after Thor, so there’s likely to be thunder and lightning, and some poor schmuck is likely to disregard the thunder. Of course, this dork will be hit by lightning and never make it to your precious weekend. He’ll be dead, but what about his wife and nine children? Are you going to support them? Where is your compassion for god’s sake?
I’ve got a loverly bunch o’ coconuts.
Well bless your little heart. Now go make me a pie.
I’m feelin’ alittle flake-y.
Tell us something we don’t know.
I’m kinda sorta getting into the spirit of the season, a little.
Get your head out of the eggnog bowl. You’ll probably be hungover and cranky tomorrow.
I love eggnog.
You can have my share of that nasty, cloying drek. I can’t even stand the smell of it.
I just had ham, eggs and rye toast for breakfast.
I am deeply offended the ham was not organically raised, the chickens were not range free, and the rye was GMO!
This stupid ball point pen writes terribly! How I long for the days when fountain pens reigned.
Who uses any pens nowadays? Get with the 21st century, use computers. Speaking of which…
We got new credit card chip readers at work. Much faster!