A few months back I was attending a quinceanera, anyone who knows what this is would know that there are a lof of mexicans there and a lot of people speaking spanish. I myself do not speak spanish and apparently at some point during the night after a few too many drinks I made some comment along the lines of “They need subtitles so I can understand what they’re saying” To make things worse it came out just as the room happened to get quiet and quite a few people heard me. I guess it’s a good thing I only kinda remember saying it.
By the way, what I was thinking about what I said it can was this clip
http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/watch/7397
This wasn’t me but my husband; we were both in the car, him driving, and we’re stopped at a light. A female jogger goes by, and he looks, then says in an obviously interested voice, “Oh yeah, look at that ass.” I look at him, realize by his tone and manner that he’s done the “inside voice” gaffe, and burst out laughing. He looks at me, confused, and asks, “What?” I start laughing again, nearly too hard to even say anything, and finally tell him what he said. He looks more confused, then shocked, then starts stammering, but I’m obviously way too amused by it and not mad, so finally he laughs and tells me he loves me for reacting that way.
Oh lord.
Mr. Rilch and I went out to eat in Studio City. We had just purchased some comics from a shop across the road, and I was reading mine while we waited for our entrees.
Me: OMG, Lisa’s gonna dyke out!
Mr. Rilch: Uh, okay.
Me: No, seriously! She’s living with all women, she’s got her hair short…
Mr. Rilch: You really don’t want to say that.
Me: What? I’m just saying – look!
And so forth, with him continually trying to get me to shut it. Eventually, I forget exactly why, I turned around and saw Sandra Bernhard sitting behind us. With some other people. :eek: :o :smack:
My only consolation is that if I were famous, I probably would not be craning my ears to hear what some random dork was saying. But FTR, I have not used that word since, until just now.
Oh, and Mouse_Maven, I think your husband should have been the one to wish he could eat his words. Please tell me that the patching up required input from both parties.
Oh yes, we had a long talk. We tease each other, in this case it got out of hand. My beloved likes large breasts, but he fell in love with a petite woman.
Well, okay then!
I was talking to a friend in college. We came from the same state but not from the same area, and the college was thousands of miles away. I was telling her how I met my then boyfriend. I said he was talking to this really ugly guy (I never speak poorly about other people but I wanted to distinguish my great boyfriend from this guy). She asked, what was the ugly guy’s name. After I told her, she said, “oh, that’s one of my best friends.”
:smack:
To my recollection, I’ve never described anyone as ugly since then.
My husband and I have a college friend, Dennis, who graduated in '05 and has spent his time since then teaching English in Japan. Just last weekend, we got word that our friend was returning to the United States – “for a limited time only!”-- before returning to Japan and staying for another two years. We waste no time in setting up immediate dinner plans at the prettiest (and most expensive) Italian restaurant in town.
Dennis arrives, with two complete strangers (his friends from high school) and he immediately begins to bust out his Japanese driver’s license and regale us with tales of his great adventure living abroad. I have just finished taking a class on Japanese literature, during which I spoke to several people who have spent time in Japan. I asked him so many questions based on things I had heard-- “Is it true you’re not allowed to expel the students from the classrooms?”/“Is it true they have little police stations on every street corner and the police ride bicycles?” etc, and we talked about some of the ancient literature, how society had changed over time, etc. At one point his very impressed friends turn to me and say, “Where did you learn so much about Japan?” The question took me completely off guard, because I hadn’t realized until that point my knowledge was anything more than common. I modestly replied that I’d had a class and spoken to some people, but inside I was like, “Wow! Go me!”
Dinner ends, and we put in reservations to the fancy dessert place next door. So we’re downstairs eating gourmet sorbet and just hanging on Dennis’ every word (He had some STORIES, let me tell you.) Then he begins to describe his 10-day trip to Cambodia.
“Wow!” I said, very loudly, “How far from Japan is Cambodia?”
“Oh, about 800 or 900 miles.”
"Oh, that doesn’t sound too bad. Did you drive?"
My friend politely responded that no, he did not drive from Japan to Cambodia. After a few seconds I realized what I had done, and i remarked, “Wow, that’s the dumbest question I have ever asked.” To which my friend and my husband both helpfully replied, “Yes it is.” So much for my street cred. 
Coulda been worse.
They could’ve said ‘no, it isn’t’.
I tend to forget when I say stupid things, until someone makes fun of me for it, so I can’t remember one at the moment.
But…I do have a tendency to start singing out loud, when listening to headphones, or just when music pops into my head.
This can get…interesting sometimes.
Like when I’m listening to Molotov’s Frijolero, or Oingo Boingo’s Little Girls…
My ex boyfriend was born with eyelid defects - I can’t recall what the medical name for what it was. At the time we were dating, it didn’t bother me. I barely noticed, unless someone mentioned or asked about it. Mr J and I were friends back then, so he met the ex-boyfriend once or twice.
Fast forward to a few months ago… Mr J got a piece of metal in his eye. After a few days of pain and procrastination he finally said “I’ll go [to the eye doc] if you set up the appointment.” I said, “Good! I’ve already dated a guy with a fucked up eyes.”
Whoops!
Mr J was pretty shocked that I said that. I might have called the ex an asshole but I’d never insulted him about the eyes!
One of the traits I inherited from my father was the ability to interpret other people in the street as “mobile object to be avoided”, rather than actual human beings. He was known to cross my mother on the same sidewalk and not notice until she yelled him a HEY.
While I don’t remember this, she claims that sometimes when they were at a bar terrace she’d point out pretty girls to him. He was perfectly able to be just staring at the general movement and not notice any of the individual pieces.
My foot-in-mouth disease tends to be intended, to someone who had really, really, really pissed me off to the point of thinking “what’s the worse that can happen, she never talks to me again? I wish that would happen!”
A couple years back, I was working in a project with a bunch of people from all over the Americas. One of the Argentinian guys would start singing Frijolero when he was angry with the “Yankis” and the Mexicans would shush him saying “look out! they could hear you!” His reply: “so let them hear me!” and singing louder.
After a while the Mexicans figured out that if they didn’t say anything he calmed down a lot faster.
Similar to the “Cockthruster Video” gaffs…
Went to the cinema recently, and my wife wanted some food to nibble on during the film.
So she went up to the Concession Stand and requested “diet coke and a large portion of cock-porn, please”.
The 16 y/old lad behind the counter didn’t quite know what to say to that, but I guess he thought it was his lucky day!
My response to your comment would have been, “Do you think our insurance would cover such a thing?”
Back when I was even more smart assed than I am now, I was talking with a female coworker at a job and she started to tell me about a problem she was having when I said, “Wait! Let me guess, you’re gay!” Her response: “You mean you didn’t know?” (Yes, she was, BTW, and no, I didn’t know.)
Some friends of mine were in Sears looking at coffin style freezers and there was this kid running around being a holy terror, while his mother blythely ignored him. John had the lid of a freezer open, checking the inside of it, when the kid came up next to him and Mike, to look inside. Mike calmly looks over at John and says, “You know, I think that you could fit several small children inside of this.” John says, “I think you’re probably right, you could fit several small children in this.” The kid looks up at them with a blank expression on his face, and apparently his mother must have heard the conversation because she shot over, grabbed the kid and took off with him, while giving John and Mike dirty looks.
We call the pizza place the same thing you do, but the video chain name is a new one for me. Damn. Next time I go with the kids to rent a video, I’ll be snickering.
Then again, when Typo Knig and I were newlyweds in North Carolina, we lived in Scrotum Village. Oddly, Testes Drive was some miles away.
/hijack
Once, at a job interview, the interviewer asked me “Do you consider yourself aggressive?”. I snarled “Whaddyou mean by that!!!”.
:eek::smack::eek::smack::eek::smack:
Fortunately, he thought it was hysterical, and I got the job anyway!
During my last year in Miami I worked in a small research lab. The lab next door, much larger, included a Total Bitch who, among other things, would put down her gay coworker constantly.
One day, my coworker Greg and myself opened a door for this guy, who was carrying too many boxes at the same time, and he thanked Greg with a “thank you very much-o”. Or mach-o, pick your spelling. I don’t give a shit about my coworker’s sex life unless they’re pregnant, need a rid to the doctor or a shoulder to cry on, but yeah, ok, I did figure Greg wasn’t going to pat my ass any time soon.
When I left, Greg asked me about the fact that I’d never mentioned his homosexuality. I told him that I don’t see why should my coworker’s sex life be any of my business and, unlike that girl next door, I didn’t get all worked up because a nice guy wasn’t interested in seeing the color of my underwear. I’m still convinced her problem with “her” gay coworker was exactly that, knowing that she could not, ever, get him to do whatever by promising chichi (or seeming to) like she did with other guys :smack:
I’ve posted this before as my worse verbal faux pas:
I was trying to get a long time friend to sign a petition, and she seemed hesitant.l I blurted out “Come on. It’s not like I’m asking for your first born son.” THEN I remember her first born son was the victim of a murder/suicide by his father
Not enough :smack: on the Internet for that one.
My son was born via c-section. A couple of hours after the surgery, a nurse brought him to me as I lay in my hospital bed and placed him in my arms. My husband, my mother and my sister Kate were in the room. I brushed the blanket away from the baby’s face, looked at him for the first time, and blurted out, “Why, he looks just like you, Kate. Well, no matter, I expect he’ll get better looking as he grows up.”
In my defense, I was still pretty full of drugs at that point. For the record, Kate is an attractive woman. I later apologized; she took it in good humor and said she knew it was the anesthesia talking, not me. The baby, now in his teens, has grown up to be a Tom Cruise lookalike.
:eek:
Annie-Xmas wins the thread.
Semi-seriously, if that was me that said that, I’d’ve slunk out of the room underneath the closed door and never been heard of again except in a newpaper article twenty years later about some elderly recluse living up in the hills with a beard down to his knees and no evidence of him ever having spoken to anyone, ever…
One of my cegep friends had a brother named Richard, who had the habit of saying “It’s all good!” whenever he could fit it into a conversation. It became somewhat of a joke, and my friends and I had started answering “Shut up, Richard!” whenever he said it.
So I moved away to university, and in the first week went out to dinner with a bunch of new friends, when one of the said “It’s all good!” to which I immediately responded “shut up, Richard”.
Of course, the new friend was named Richard.
Once I explained, though, he did think it was funny.