I said that out loud?

I was going to our storage space to pick up some stuff. When I got to the keypad for the gate, I tried what I thought the code was, but no dice. After a few tries, I called my wife to see if she knew the code. While I was calling, someone pulled up behind me in a truck. To keep from holding them up, I pulled out of the way while we talked.

After he had gone through, I pulled back up to the keypad, and entered the code. The gate had not closed in the interval, but the keypad indicated it accepted the code. I went ahead and pulled through.

While I was passing the truck, the guy honked at me. I stopped, rolled down the window and said “Yes sir?”

“You’re not supposed to piggyback!”

“Yeah, I entered my code in after you did.” (and I thought: “Plus, I don’t give a fuck!”)

Then I pulled away, grabbed what I came for from the storage unit, and drove home.
When I got home, my wife met me at the door, acting worried. Apparently, I had not hung up the phone when I was done talking, and she heard me tell the guy “Plus, I don’t give a fuck!” at the same volume I had said the rest.
I seriously wonder who’s in the driver’s seat of my consciousness sometimes.

If I ever do this, I’m fired.*

I finish most of my sentences with a silently snarky (and often obscenity-laced) addendum.
*Man, I hope my boss doesn’t read this! …as if that assclown would actually read something longer than a racist joke on Facebook…

I am required to mention an old Franklin Ajaye routine where he describes working at an upscale men’s clothing store, and adding thought-snark to the ends of sentences when dealing with customers.

“Uh, do you have any Pierre Cardin slacks?”

“Yessir, but they won’t fit your fat ass.”

(Valet Driver here accepting a $1 tip)

"Thank you, sir/ma’am…ONE dollar? JEEZ…when’s the last time you bought a dollar’s worth of something, huh?

Your boss is Donald Trump?!

Dang, I was really hoping that saying/doing something without realizing you’re doing it would end up being a really common problem, making this a somewhat normal occurrence.

Oh well. I guess I’ll go see if I can find a list of the early symptoms for alien hand (or mouth) syndrome. :slight_smile:

I once almost answered a County Commissioner in a hearing with a cartoon quote because of this. Although it would have been cool to know that the official county records contained the phrase, “You might, rabbit, you might.”