I saw a drunk old man masturbate at Friday's!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Well I’ve (almost) finished reading the TMI thread, and I think you guys are very sick and disgusting and funny. Im laughing and crying and glad there are people who appreciate the sicker things in life.

So sunday I worked 3-11 at the shop. (yes, worked 11-7 the night before, please read disclaimer in earlier thread… DO NOT TRY THIS YOURSELF… you have so much to live for…)

The ummm… “gentleman of the homeless persuasion” was back at the shop, sitting at the counter drinking coffee. This time I was working “front of store” and had to shudder serve him his coffee. He made a mess with sugar and ashtrays and napkins and stuff, lingered far too long. I pointed to the sign and reminded he had to leave…

“And I will phone the police again if I have to”.

“For what… this guys been here longer than I have…”

Moe, a regular, whom I now think was probably Hagrid’s slightly smaller brother, also reminds this guy of the loitering sign.

This makes an impact and he stands up to leave. Only first he has to go to the washroom.

Fine, whatever, just let me get some work done, like bleaching everything he’s touched… (yes he was wearing the SAME HAT)

I sort of forgot he was still there in the washroom, when I went to clean the washrooms…

The men’s was at the end of a corridor. It was a room with a toilet and sink for the ladies, but for men it had a urinal and a stall, complete with the walls and door lock.(never understood that one)

The guy was using the urinal, with his back to the door. Which was open.

Not so bad you say?

His pants were around his ankles, so I got a view of his bottom.

Nasty, but that wouldn’t change my life.

He had diarrhea at the same time. Explosive diarrhea. Of the water+ the occasional tarry chunk variety. Except it was black. And of course the smell … well it smelled like a post drinking Bowel movement, and well something I now know is melena, (lif you dont know, google it… have fun, and a airsick bag handy…)and of course this is all overpowering the subtle aroma of “unwashed vagrant with old semen stains on his hat”

The next day was significant for I got a whopping 25 cent an hour raise, and the man was banned for life from that particular extablishment.

42

You might say this guy was “feelin’ good… in the neigh-bor-hood!”

Waitaminute, that’s Applebee’s slogan, never mind.

43

Dear god.

44

Ya know, suddenly I don’t feel so bad about my reputation…

45

More sequential fun…

I saw a drunk old man maturbate at Friday’s!
CK Dexter Haven- I saw you!

46

You know, someone at Google is probably spending a good deal of otherwise productive time studiously not trying to think about what you were searching for…

47

SPOOFE, after reading this thread and the linked TMI Thread, I must declare you a member of the Axis of TMI.

48

**juji **
You have greater stomach for your job then I would ever have. And 25 cents an hour raise…not if they gave me a million dollars an hour raise would I have done the job. YUCK

49

Oh.
My.
God.

juji, you’ll fit right in here.

I thought the story my husband told me about a huge turd in a urinal and a local grocery store was bad.

Oh.
My.
God.

Pardon me while I go wash out my brain with bleach.

50

ruby, you had to bring up urinals? Ah, haha, guess what I got for you? Yep, local news for Monterey, California: (Its actually pretty old news)

“Urinal Cake Thief Hits After Dark Nightclub”
“…Anyone with information regarding the theft or whereabouts of the urinal cakes is encouraged to call the After Dark at xxxxx, although Webb does not want the cakes returned.”
http://www.mbay.net/~wes/monterey/tpsept98/cakethief.html

51

The homeless diarrhea guy story just completely skeeved me out. But it also reminded me of a story about one of my buddies. We lived in the San Francisco Bay area, and he was set up on a date with a gal in Berkeley. He had never met her before, and she lived right near Telegraph Avenue. He picked her up, and about 2 blocks from her house, they stopped at a traffic light. A homeless guy shambled across the street in front of my buddy’s stopped car, and then took a quick left so that he was about 2.5 feet from the drivers window. The homeless guy dropped trou and then immediately had explosive diarrhea right then and there, with no warning or anything. My buddy was completely astonished, and his date was absolutely flabbergasted.

I don’t think they went to get something to eat right away…

52

How fast does explosive diarrhea move at? Is there time to duck? Yuck, I’ve never seen anybody do that before. You know, it’s pretty bad not to cover your mouth when you sneeze but to fire things out your anus at someone is terribly terribly rude.

53

It moves fast. It is yucky. And it is the best reason to give if you are calling in sick to work. Just one mention and nobody asks you to elaborate…

“Sorry, I can’t come to work today - I’m sick.”
“Really, what’s the problem?”
“Well, I don’t know if you want to…”
“Are you okay? What’s the problem.”
“Oh, you don’t want to know about my explosive diarrhea…” :eek:
(curtly)“Well, I guess we’ll see you when you feel better.”
click.

54

Last week I went to lunch at the local shopping mall that is near my job. I tend to pee after finishing eating and that day was no different. I get in and there is a very old homeless man jacking off at a urinal looking around. I do my business and start to leave. When I walk away from the urinal, he had turned around and had one of the thickest dicks I have ever seen (his friends probably called him oil can). I couldn’t help but gawk for an extra second before washing up and leaving.

55

This reminds me of a scene I witnessed many years ago-on a Boston subway train at Christmastime. I was sitting in a crowded train car, and all of a sudden I heard a woman scream=then I saw this old guy rubbing himself over the womans-she slammed him over the head with her pocketbook! He backed off, and repeated the performance on another woman. Finally, they stopped the train, and the old pervert ran off…

56

Well I didnt ever have a burning desire to make donut wenching a full time profession. (See the disclaimers in my previous posts. Ive begged some relatives not to let their kids work at 24 hour donut shops. Momma dont let your babies grow up and wench donuts…)

That was at least 13 years ago, maybe more. But my boss liked me and it was certainly a “cross section of humanity” who composed the clientel.

I had almost forgotten that incident but SPOOFE’s thread brought it all … rushing… back. (Or should I say… shooting out?)

Of course, I havent really changed occupations that much. I still clean up messes like that. But now I’m an RN and get paid MUCH BETTER for it. (And I know the word for the particular stink. Melena… who googled it?)

Wow! A 25 cent an hour raisebrought me up to 4 amazing dollars an hour. Im actually kind of ticked now about that. An extra two whole dollars a shift? Wow boss, what am I going to do with that? Buy another @$#%ing donut? http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

57

Now I had better learn how to use smilies. Especially “roll eyes”

58

Underpants.

59

No ripping off my shtick, Hammy.

60

I wasn’t. It was a recommedation. You know, in case the guy reads the straight dope. If you must masturbate at Friday’s be sure to wear underpants.