Tonight I decided to give my phone number via a small note to a girl around my age(20’s) who works as a cash register. I see her often when I go there during lunch breaks, or even days when I am home.
So I gave the note, but I walked away too quickly and left, and then there was this bag guy who was standing there, and he noticed the note before she did. He asked if it was trash, and I said “no, it is for her”, before walking away. I kind of panicked. Plus she was counting the cash in the register.
So I screwed, but my question is should I try again. My hunch is she did not see me and so won’t respond to a note which is not clear.
In case you are wondering I had already paid, sat down in the eating area of the market, and then gave her the note.
I should have done it while the purchase transaction was taking place.
So is it doomed or not?
I don’t want to take too long, want it over with. But if I go there tomorrow, I’m afraid of her thinking I’m creepy.
So should I retry and how long should I wait?
Thanks.
P.S: I have initiated relationships with women a few times with just a small note, women whom I did not know personally in public.
So you didn’t really give her the note - you sort of left it for her to see and walked away - possibly so quickly that she didn’t see you?
I don’t think you should have necessarily done it while you were in line, but you should have talked to her (which would have been easier while you were in line). You don’t mention if you have talked with this person before.
Anyway - I would absolutely under no circumstances come anywhere within a 100 years radius of her store for a little while. You don’t say how often she has seen you, but if she notices you once a week - certainly don’t show up before then.
If she got the note - (and I’m sure the bag guy figured out what you were doing and unless he is super over the top jealous and has his own fantasies about her - she got the note) then if she was interpreted you sort of put the ball in her court.
Anyway - you have much more experience with this note thing than I do. Have you really established relationships with this type of drop and run note writing - or did you talk to them too? I only tried something like that once when I was younger and never heard back. So listening to me is probably not a good idea
I would suggest trying casually gauge her reaction upon seeing you the next time you go in. If she got the note she will probably have a visible reaction upon seeing you (if she knows who you are from past interaction). I’d look for a smile - she might still turn away cause she doesn’t know what to do, but I’d look more towards if she seems to be excited at all (vs worried/scared).
And if she does - well I’d smile at her and see if she smiles back. Then…
Ok this is where I kinda don’t have great ideas.
But I can tell you that going back tomorrow is a bad idea. It might work out ok, but in the cases it would work ok - it would also work out ok for you to wait. If she is on the fence and thinking about calling you - coming in tomorrow will most likely scare her off.
If you carry on like that you may end up with a few notes commonly referred to as restraining orders.
Of course girls are going to think you are creepy.
When I was about 21 years of age I spotted a real stunner working in a local shop. When it was quiet I went up to her and said,“Is it ok if I chat you up for a date?” She laughed and after a while agreed to meet me after her shift.
In your case, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you just asked her straight out if she was interested in a coffee after work, apart from her macing you and calling the Police? The worst thing would be she will say “No”, and you’ll move on to ask another.
Girls don’t seem to like weird guys who write notes to them instead of just talking to them like regular people. When you hand her the note she may think it will say “I have a gun, hand over your cash” You don’t want to get off on the wrong foot, do you?
Personally, I think your best chance is to go back fairly soon and talk to her. Have a note ready (in your back pocket) with just your name and phone number on it and say something like “I hope this doesn’t sound too forward, but the other day, I tried to ask you out by leaving a stupid, nervous little note. I don’t know if you even saw it. Anyway, I like you - could we maybe meet for coffee or something sometime?”
If she says yes, smile and say “thank you - here’s my number” (etc), and hand her the note with your number on it.
If she says no, smile and say “Sorry - I bet a pretty girl like you gets this all the time. Have a nice day”, walk away and continue with your life.
That’s pretty much what I was going to write. I’m a gal, if it matters, and I would find that sweet and disarming if I were single. It is non-offensive, certainly. There are always those who will feel slighted by any personally dictated “lapse of etiquette,” but if they are offended by this approach, you are better off without. Good luck.
It doesn’t matter if you screwed up or not. She’ll never call you. Ever. Women don’t call men. She may find your creepy or she may think you’re adorable, but either way, she won’t call.
That’s actually not strictly true.
I once left a note on a woman’s car who I had been talking to, and she called me a week later. We dated for a while. She was model-beautiful, too!
You sound like a real chicken shit, so, you’d better be amazingly good looking.
In re the note: the only person that can tie you in with the note is some grocery bagging geek. Just whom do you want to date, him or the girl? When you said “it’s for her” did the geek see the same girl you had in mind, or did he think you meant the 200 lb. bakery manager, and rush the note over to her? Or, does he want her, and will tell her that the note was for him? Is there a way for the girl to tie the number to you?
Your only chance now is to go back in 2 weeks, chat with her a bit and then casually ask her to hang out sometime. She’ll give you her number if she’s interested. If she brings up the note then you casually joke about how the bag guy thought it was for him “haha that was a funny little mix-up!” Don’t walk up to her tomorrow and say “I like you let’s go on a date…”
The above poster who said girls never call is spot on.
Take a lesson, you have to actually talk to a girl. Passing notes didn’t even work all that well back in grade school. Who knows if you permanently screwed the pooch on this one? Depends on the girl.
I probably given a note to about 5 women, one turned into something good, the other we ended up as friends. I would say three called, and two never did. I do this to women whom I see in public and I don’t know well. This girl I see once in awhile but we don’t know each other. One who never called was a woman around 40.
As for girls at school or work, and I just know well, I ask them out directly. The note passing took place in my 20s, never in grade school. Done it 5 times only.
She rings up and in case there is a line I don’t want to waste her time.
Plus asking for her number really puts her in tough spot, she will have to make a split decision. Where as my number given to her will give her time to decide what action to take. This I will not change, I will give my number.
Yes I agree, I will retry a week, but no later than two weeks from now. I will also make a light joke about it and see what happens. It is not like I am hung up over her.
What?! Like all supermarkets, she was standing in front of the register, while he was by the bags, at the same line. It is not difficult to imagine, no great distance. I pointed to her, doubt he thought it was for another woman.
I totally agree with your point, her facial reaction should tell me. If seems she forgot about me, or is smiling great, if not then it is over. A week or two will do, not today. Plus I have other plans tonight.
I will while in line ask her if she wants to meet some time in future for coffee or something, and hand her my number. From there she will decide, but I won’t ask for her number. I want it be relaxed and know she can decide, whereas my asking for her number right there is a lot of pressure. And no corny talk.
You are wrong, of the 5 I have done so, three called, two never did. That is not so bad, also I have been approached by women before, women I never knew.
A note with your name and phone number handed directly to her is fine. Flinging it in her general direction when she’s not even looking as you flee the scene isn’t going to have the desired response.
You just gotta walk up to her and be like “Hey lady, this is kinda funny but I Was trying to be slick by leaving you a note with my number on it but your bag boy took it. DOH! So I’m here to ask you directly, do you want to make babies with me?”
If she says no she’s a lesbian.
Seriously though, only females can get away with pulling shy, coy shit like that. You gotta nut up and get in her face and let her know you want her bod. Like that Dothraki king in the first episode of King of Thrones.
