I seem to be invisible to men

In My Humble Opinion
41

There’s your problem= “nicely dressed”. If you want to attract men (and if you’re just average in looks) then you need to stop dressing “nicely” and start dressing sexy (NOT “slutty”- “sexy” there’s a difference). Higher heels, dark stockings/pantyhose (the kind with a seam up the back drive men crazy and oddly don’t show an inch more skin). Get a better bra, and maybe show a tad of cleavage. I am NOT saying “dress like a whore” (well, unless it’s one of those very high class call girls), I am saying add a touch of sexyness to your garb. A leather skirt- even though it shows exactly the same amount of leg as the polyester (ecch) one you wear- is a hundred times sexier. A satin or silk blouse- with just one button more undone. If you wear jeans- then get designer fitted jeans.

Heels, not flats. Not super high stripper heels, but 3 or 4", with maybe ankle staps, or wedge heels. All of which are in style now.

Shiny lipstick- super glossy. Nails done. Hair color- your natural color more or less but MORE. If you’re a slightly auburn brunette, get a hair color with a bit more red, and have the stylist add red highlights. Get rid of the mousyness.

All that is inexpensive. Then, let’s spend a few bucks. Hair extensions. Collagen for the lips. Well, maybe that last is going too far. :wink: But so far, we have just added a bit more sexyness- but all over. And, that bit more sexyness is a signal to clueless guys (most of us are clueless) that you are available. It’s the signal that’s important, not how much cleavage you show.

The, get a book on flirting and figure out how to send signals. Smile, lick your lips a little, make eye contact. Ask men about their hobbies.

About that hobby thing- there a HUGE number of completely clueless dudes that hang around doing stuff that is 90% male. Watching sports, playing sports, role-playing games, and so forth. Get into one of those hobbies- bookclubs and yoga classes are places to meet women, not men. If you’re the brainy type- find out about D&D maybe, or computers. If your Dad/Brothers were into sports and you didn’t mind it- get more into it. For example, let’s say you mildly enjoyed baseball games when you were a kid. Ok, so read up a bit on your local baseball team, find out what sports bars play the game, and go there- eat some buffalo wings, drink a beer, and cheer. You’ll have a dozen men’s attention. If you like athletic men, and say you watched soccer without falling asleep- find out where the local amatuer teams play at nite, and go there with a cooler and watch. If you like brainy men; chess club, D&D, or the cyber-cafe where they all play computer games. Learn to play Texas Hold 'em, even. You have to fish where the fish are, girl.

You sound like you are plenty attractive enough for most men. really. You just need to let them know you are available.

42

Men are not going to think like you think they should think, because, well, thier men.

VERY VERY few straight males could give a flying $%&* about fashion. They will only notice what you are wearing if it is revealing or otherwise sexy. “Presentable” is completely below thier radar.

It might actually be more than that. To me “Always nicely dressed in fashionable clothes” = “High maintainance”

Also, I have know idea if you could keep me interested in a conversation, but to look at you, I’d probably make the effort to find out.

43

I could have written the OP (or most of it at least) and the answers are thought provoking. Perhaps they’ll turn out to be helpful.

Now, I’ve got to find out where I can buy a llama.

44

Hate to break it to you, but 4" heels are pretty damn high. You try walking in 'em.

45

You’re not invisible. You just keep changing shape so they don’t realize who you are.

46

Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.

'cause you’re pretty.

Now that that’s out of the way…

Do you have hobbies or interests that include interesting men? Single ones? I’ve had friends complain that they never met women… I asked what they did for entertainment in their free time, and they said, “Dungeons and Dragons, computer games, collecting baseball cards…” a whole long list of Things Women Don’t Do (much). So, any women they met were very much in the minority and quite often taken. If you’re not spending much time around single, attractive, available men who are also smart enough to realize that you’re damn fine-looking, a change of hobbies might be in order. Dancing, or a book club, or fencing classes, or volunteering somewhere…

47

You are very attractive, and definately not fat. If I wasn’t already with somebody and I lived in the UK, I would love to buy you lunch or something, and I tend to be fairly picky.

Lovely eyes though, very lovely eyes.

48

Well I’m a 45 year old male in Ohio and dinner’s on me if you ever get to Cleveland.

does loud yet tasteful wolf-whistle.

49

I’ve gotta disagree with this to some degree. IMO I don’t really think you need to do all these exhausting push ups to find a nice man. Be nice, dress with some flair and maybe be a little flirtatious. Seriously… that’s it.

50

I’ve quite straight and I do notice if a woman makes an effort to dress nicely (and not necessarily ostentatiously) - Simple yet sophisticated with some decent and tasteful accessorizing makes a big impact. Some guys don’t care and some do. Frumpiness is serious turn off. It makes you think they don’t care about how they look.

51

Is it the initial date you are having issues with? I mean, once you are talking to a guy, I assume you can hold a decent coversation over dinner, right? If it is just the first part you are having troubles with, maybe a dating service or online dating might be a good place to start. It helps you get over that first obstatcle and can even pair you up with someone who has similar interests…

52

Who cares? She’s got a British accent! :smiley:

53

This has been mentioned indirectly but I want to re-emphasize: Self-confidence is a big part of it. Stand up straight, smile, look into people’s eyes, walk like you know you’re attractive. Thinking you’re not attractive translates into your body language whether you mean to or not…your shoulders slump, your spine curves, and and men unconsciously pick up on these clues. Feeling good about yourself also shows up in the body language.

54

Damn, girl! You’ve got good curves. Work 'em!

Seriously, figure out what part of your body you love and dress to emphasize that. Not to brag, but I’ve got a great butt and good legs, so I wear clothes that show those off nicely. DrDeth’s advice seems a bit over the top to me, but it’s true that if you think you’re smokin, others will, too.

Weelll, (and I say this as someone happily married to a D&D-playing, computer-loving geek) the thing about going after these guys is that these odds are good, but the goods are odd.

55

OK, I have a Master Plan for you, Promethea.

[ol]
[li]Find Molly Ringwald Fan Club.[/li][li]Find non-gay guys at Molly Ringwald Fan Club.[/li][li]Stand Around.[/li][/ol]

I think that soon, the Donger will need Food.

-Cem

56

Your third picture especially reminds me of someopne famous. You are a fine looking woman, I susspect that you need to wear more outrageous clothes. You look tall enough to go for the short skirt and long jacket thing, it also looks like you could emphersise your hips with a narrow belt or similar. Your hair makes you look like the active adventurous type. You might want to try some red rimmed glasses or red neckscarf to emphasize your red hair.
P.S. is that second picture at Windsor Castle?
P.P.S. if you’re ever in California …

57

Another agreement with Finn. People are attracted to people who seem at ease with themselves. Who are confident in social situations. Who are unconcerned about how others view them.

It is almost a Zen thing. Do not lok for it, and you will find it. IMHO.

58

Better yet, find the Guys Who Sit Around And Speculate On How Molly Ringwald Would Look With A Killer Rack society. :D:D

59

The problem with basing our judgment of Promethea’s looks on still pictures is that in real life, people don’t stand still. Someone who looks good in a still can be dramatically less attractive in real life, and vice versa. Promethea, you SHOULD be reasonably attractive, and in any event let’s be honest; there’s a lot of fugly folks out there getting action. I always got dates and I look like Oliver Platt after a bar fight.

Your problem is unquestionably your behaviour.

In all likelihood you are doing something that is signalling to men that you are either not interested or less attractive than you are. Without spending a couple of days with you I don’t know what it might be, but usual candidates are:

  • Not smiling
  • Poor posture
  • Wearing all black (as you were in one of your photos. That’s not fashionable or attractive.)
  • Not making eye contact
  • Acting shy
  • Bad conversationalist, and there are several types of that

I hate to say this but growing your hair longer would help. The short hairstyle looks good on you, I’d agree, but guys disproportionately like long hair. It’s your hair and you can do what you want, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

I agree that online dating is a good idea, but you’re likely doing something wrong in person, and you should figure out what it is.

60

Of course, the problem with these advice threads is that they usually can be summed up:

“Here’s all the things you might be doing wrong, and by the way, why don’t you have any confidence :confused: ?”