Ladies, what would you settle for in a man?

In light of all the “Ladies, what are you attracted to in a man?” or “Men, what are you attracted to in ladies?” threads, I pose this question in true self depricating and self pitying fashion.

I ask you ladies, what is the bare minimum that you would settle for in terms of guys’ appearances.

I ask this because I am:

-19 years old
-5’ 11’’ but only 125 pounds
-I wear really baggy clothing to try and hide my embarrassing scrawnyness the best i can
-For some reason, even at 19, I’m unable to grow anymore than fuzz on my face, and this lack of facial hair doesn’t help at all, seeing as how I already look like I’m 13.
-I talk very little (but I am a good listener), and chances are, if you made eye contact with me I’d shy away and stare at the ground. And me working up the guts to initiate the conversation? No chance in hell. :
-As I said, I’m scrawny, so there is no muscle mass on my body. I avoid sports like the plague because of a deathly fear of embarrassment (I won’t even get into the reasons for why I suck at that) and I would never step foot in a weight room at a gym, what with my appearance.

So, what would you women think of me if you were my age? And I know I might get a lot of girls in here saying, “Oh, don’t say those things and don’t be so negative, different girls like different things and one will come along” kinda stuff. But I want serious, honest opinions here. Basically just tell me what your impression would be of me if you came across me in public or saw me at a party.

Oh, and of course feel free to make up a list of your “bare minimum requirements” to give me, and hopefully some other guys some hope.

Well, I guess none of the 30 viewers of this thread were women since no one has responded.

Well, I don’t date anymore and I’m, like, three times your age. But honestly? It’s “personality.” A guy can be horribly over- or under-weight, dress like a slob and have a face like the hind end of a cat. But if he’s got charm and humor and style? Those might not win over all, but they count for, I’d say, 80%.

Well, when I met the hubby we were both 19 year old geeks…

He was just somehow the perfect fit for me in every way…

Don’t underestimate the power of infatuation to make any guy an adonis in his girl’s mind… or make any girl an athena to her guy…

Attraction isn’t only skin deep. Listen to Eve :slight_smile:

I see this all the time and it just makes the problem worse. When you wear clothes that dwarf you it just exaggerates your lack of size.

Breathing is a must. I’d prefer all limbs and members to be attatched, but it’s not a dealbreaker. Actually, so long as you are not so large or so underweight that it keeps you from having mind-blowing sex, I’m game. And so long as you don’t give off a “creepy pervo” vibe.

Granted, the sex would have to be pretty damn good, and the guy’d have to have a stellar personality…but those are my normal requirements. Physical attractriveness is a bonus.

When I was your age, I was following pale skinny hairless guys around like a puppy dog.

Join a band, you’ll be fine :D.

Ooooh, that sucks. I guess I’d better hope for a virgin, cuz if she’s had experience she’ll be in for a world of disappointment with me and my inexperience. My anxiety alone would be enough to make the sex absolutely awful for at least the first month I’d assume.

Oh, and could a girl please define a good personality for me? I know I have a personality, but how do I know if it’s good or not? I’m always nice, and I will talk to you once I come out of my shell, but I don’t have a lot of amazing stories or jokes or anything.

I guess the best thing I have going for me is the fact that I’m a good listener.

Soapbox Monkey, if you were anywhere near me (and I have no idea if you are or not since you didn’t specify a location), I would be all over you, assuming you wouldn’t turn down a 5’4" pink-haired fat chick one year older than you.

Honestly, I am not really picky at all when it comes to guys (and at the moment I’m so lonely that if it’s got a heartbeat and a penis I’ll consider dating it), but I have a serious love for tall skinny guys. Love love love tall skinny guys. Hey, you don’t happen to play an instrument, do you? :wink: But seriously. Tall pale skinny boys are awesome, and boys that don’t think that “working out” counts as a hobby are great, because that means they’re less likely to tell me to get some more exercise. I totally understand the crippling shyness thing, but once you get comfortable with someone, you can relax more…

I suppose what I’m trying to say is:

Tall scrawny boys are awesome.
I will date anything with a pulse, a penis, and a personality.

And on preview, I will say that as far as sex awkwardness goes, you just need to relax and accept that you might not get everything right the first time, but be willing to explore and try things. And as far as a “good personality,” I think of someone with a good personality as someone that I can relax and have fun with, who will listen to me and actually care, and who is generally just a nice person.

You should really try meeting people online. Doesn’t seem like you have much trouble talking on this forum, so why not try a dating site or something?

Don’t they cost money? Well, the one’s that actually work.

SoapBox Monkey, Eve has it right. Personality rules with humans you want to be around. The clothes thing is probably accurate, i’m twice your age and still let women dress me. I don’t care, as long as i’m comfortable. Do not act like someone you are not. I’m a studmuffin, so to speak, I attract women who want to be seen with a studmuffin. When I show up in an old ford truck, some freak, those are gone quickly, the ones that stay have promise. They are looking for something more. Basically, if a woman smiles at you say, Dinner?..I’m sort of lacking in come ons…

My honest opinion (from your description):

I see guys like you all the time. Kinda tall, very skinny, and shy. They usually look bookish, too. And I nearly ALWAYS think, “Wow, why is he ignoring me? I’m smiling and everything and I have said ‘How are you?’ and he’s still looking at the floor.”

I don’t necessarily smell my armpits afterwards, but I do wonder what sort of ugliness/stench I am emitting.

In my experience (feel free to disregard everything I say), if one of those skinny shy guys cracks one little joke or complains about a teacher or otherwise shows me that I’m not the one who is making conversation difficult (that it’s their shyness), then that guy is the one I will make a point of smiling at and saying hello to if we pass on the sidewalk. Hey, I’m shy too and I know how terrible it is to get over it, and I know what an effort it is to even crack one joke.

However, once you do that very small thing (make a joke or otherwise show that you are human), you will be surprised at how many people will be willing to talk to you, ask you to go out and do things, or just smile and say hi.

I’ve dated tall shy guys in my time and I love it because they treat me like I’m a human being instead of something with tits. (This is a broad generality, please don’t read anything more into it)

Oh, and another thing – if someone asks you if you want to go out and do something – no matter how distasteful it is to you or how scared you might be at the possibility of prolonged conversation – bite the bullet and say yes of course you will. If you say no, even one time, that person may NEVER ask you to do anything again.

Hah! I wanted to just say one thing about my attraction to shy guys, and I end up giving the young grasshopper advice! It’s a compulsion, I swear I won’t do it again…

crosses fingers

You say you have a great personality, and I don’t doubt that, but you sound like you have no confidence. If you think a girl is just “settling” for you, than that is what she will think. Find your high points, and sell yourself. Show her how luckly she is to find a great guy like you. And if you are so unhappy with your thin frame, find a buddy to go to the gym with you. Just don’t keep putting yourself down!!! :wink:

I’m around your age. And a girl too, despite the fact that it’s apparently “guy-like”. But anyway, I have to say, looks honestly are not #1 on the list for the things I look for in a guy. In fact, since I’m not a looker myself, I tend to get intimidated. Most of the guys I’ve dated were dorky looking. It’s not like I seek them out either because they just happened to be the guys with the best personalities.

Oh yes. Personalities. When I say personality is the most important thing, I’m not shitting you. There are different kinds of “good personalities” out there, and I can’t possibly begin to tell you every single combination of them. So, personally, a good personality for me is a guy who treats me with respect. I don’t mind if a guy doesn’t talk much, but when we have a conversation, he shouldn’t just be nodding his head, going “Mmhmm” and “Yeah”. Errm. I don’t really have high expectations (at least I hope not) but like I said, respect is the most important thing. It’s hard to say, exactly, what kind of guys I’m attracted to, because I’ll know when I see him. Sorry if that leaves it ambiguous.

And oh yes, don’t worry about growing facial hair. I find guys who facial hair… itchy when I kiss them. You’re better off without it.

Honestly, the baggy clothes and the inability to make eye contact or conversation would put me off.

Lack of facial hair not a problem. Leaving the fuzz unshaven…a problem.

Learning to make social conversation and appear confident is probably the most important thing you can do not only for your love life but for every aspect of your life.

This is difficult. These things did not come easily to me but the more you do it the easier it gets. It will probably never be perfectly natural. I am convinced that most people are shy, especially in unfamiliar surroundings with unknown people.

There are tons of resources for learning these kind of social skills. When I was in college I eventually went to the free psych services. Talking to a therapist was supremely unhelpful to me, but it turned out there were enough people with similar social discomfort that the clinic had formed a group where we could practice on each other (talking, you pervs!) and feel like we were “not alone”. Possibly something like that exists on your campus.

Regardless, there’s always books. A quick search of amazon turns up

The Fine Art of Small Talk

How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends

Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness

Disclaimer: I haven’t read any of these books. I offer them to demonstrate that many resources are out there.

AntaresJB, if I weren’t twice your age and in another country, I’d ask you out. I’ve seen your picture in that other thread and you’re pretty cute. :slight_smile:

Elysian, betenoir, where were you when I was in high school and university? :slight_smile:

<Sunspace remembers high school>
From experience, I can say that a) I didn’t know how to interpret body language, b) it never occurred to me that a girl might be honestly and actually interested in me, rather than just pretending to be interested as a way of mocking me for some inexplicable reason, and c) even though I desperately wanted success with the girls, I was also desperately afraid of slipping up, of making some mistake that would forever ruin any small chance I might have had. I existed on a terrible knife-edge of desperation, humiliation, pain, and longing. I could only relax when drawing and listening to music, which was usually by myself.

Things have gotten better.

Confidence… that is the hardest thing to acquire. But I know one thing: it doesn’t come from trying to suppress who you are in order to fit into someone else’s idea of what’s popular.

That’s true. None.

I have never received any compliments from girls and therefore I believe that apparently I don’t have any high points to sell.

If I actually meet a girl who tells me my high points, or even thinks I have high points, then I’ll be able to believe it.

From what I’ve heard, the confidence thing is just an endless loop. I’m not gonna have any confidence until I get attention from at least one girl, and I’m not gonna get the attention of any girls unless I have confidence. Hmm…

I’ll share with you a little wisdom my Dad gave me:

“Sooner or later one of those girls you don’t understand and can’t catch will stop runnin’. THEN you’ll be in trouble.”

At 19, you just may find the people you hang out with still need another 5-10 years of maturing. (You included, my shoulders were still filling out at 26. And I can lift more and bike further at 34 then I EVER could EVER before.)