So, I’m reading through this thread and right after thinking, “Damn, I want to date Astro”, I saw your pictures. Good lord, woman- you are beautiful! You look like a strong, confident woman, so maybe you’re intimidating to men. Smiling often and dressing softly and sexily should help.
Um… excuse me? Are they insane? I was expecting someone ugly when I saw your pictures.
You have a down-to-earth curvaceousness that is very attractive. And you’re from the UK? If I met you on the subway, and especially if I heard you speak, I would definitely think, “She’s out of my league, probably just visiting and has a boyfriend or hubby back home,” and I would be worried about giving off that ‘perv on the subway’ vibe and wouldn’t say anything. If I met you in a social situation… well, let’s just say “I wish that was possible.”
So it’s clearly not raw physical appearance. That leaves ‘carriage and mannerisms’, as DianaG posted in another thread about a similar topic and as others have posted better than I could here.
Now that I can remember the second half of what I wanted to say…
Is it possible that you are not sensing when someone sends you positive signals? This is a major problem with me: I simply do not know whether anyone is sending positive signals in my direction, and so I assume they aren’t, and that gets me into a fouler mood where it is less likely that they will…
I’m half-convinced that a very attractive woman I saw on the subway this evening gave me a favourable look. But I was all grubby and unshaven, having just spent four hours on a Greyhound bus coming down from my relatives’ place in the north country. I convinced myself that it was my imagination, and that I was in grave danger of giving off the Subway Perv Vibe, and I kept my eyes to myself. She got out at Dundas West.
The subway probably isn’t the best place to try to meet people. Last week I went to a cooking seminar, and there was only one other guy there, aside from the instructor. All the others were women, quite attractive, too, although all but one seemed to be a lot younger than me. I’m hoping to meet that one again.
Is there something traditionally guy-dominated that you are interested in and can take classes in? I’m thinking carpentry, metalworking, or construction. 
I agreee! IMO your hair is a bit on the short-and-severe side, and hair is very important (to this dude anyway). I think somewhat longer hair in a suitable style would make you look softer and even more approachable (along with the vibe thing already mentioned here). An alternative is the pixie-cute kind of cut, but that’s usually more appropriate for very petite women and may not work for you. Do you have a girlfriend whose hair you admire? Find out where she’s going and ask her hairdresser what to do.
That look you have in that last photo; use it on a guy you see you want to meet. Hold his eyes just that little bit longer than is decent, and have your mouth open just a little. If he’s available, he’ll talk to you.
He may if he’s not available too, but nothing’s perfect
So, ah Promethea So how you doing?
Nice pictures. You are a good looking lady.
As far as the shyness goes, you might do what a co-worker of mine did. She was shy and wanted to be more outgoing. She joined Toastmasters to learn public speaking. It brought her out of her shell, helped her in her relationships. As a plus it helped her in her business.
Did I mention that you have great eyes, and a killer smile? 
I can’t tell you how much the replies to this thread mean to me. I think I will keep them and look at them whenever I catch myself thinking I’m a hag. By the way, I tried to pick representative photos rather than super flattering ones- otherwise I knew I wouldn’t be able to fully take heart from any positive feedback.
To answer a few of the quesions (sorry, I can never figure out how to do that multiple quotes in the same post thing):
934spe: Yes, it’s entirely the making the first date thing. I have to confess I’m not brilliant at making eye contact with strangers. It now occurs to me that there’s probably a big problem right there. I think I have an irrational horror that the guy will rush off, collapsing with horrified laughter to tell his mates all about the ugly girl hitting on him. The replies here will give me the confidence to believe this is less likely to happen. However, I now feel a little embaressed to admit that now I think about it, I guess I am not quite sure what I would see as being “male attention” that wouldn’t involve him . What kind of signals should I look for?
Askance and Rickjay, I didn’t want to bore people about the ins and outs of my hair, but yes I entirely agree that it would suit my face and body if it were a longer length. Unfortunately, it grows very slowly and due to the very tight curls, the “inbetween” stage of short to long hair that every woman dreads, if for me, about two - three years. Having said all of this, the last pic shows my hair after the ghd straightening tongs were put through it and I’m wondering if this hasn’t opened up some new possibilities. Previously, letting it grow long gave me a 'do somewhat reminiscent of The Stylistics circa 1976. Interesting, but probably not all that hot. Maybe the march of science will finally lead to me having the long lustrous locks I have always craved!
Bippy, photo two was taken in front of Durdle door, a beautiful spot in the county of Dorset in Southern England.
DrDeth, thanks for the tips - I will definitely bear it in mind when next I go wardrobe updating. At the moment, I generally wear wrap dresses - they spotlight the breasts and don’t swamp the waists (often a problem for the bigger busted). But I do sometimes fear they look a bit frumpy.
And thanks, **Gail ** - it is encouraging to see that not only am I not alone, and inspiring to see that it is possible to change.
If all else fails, I will also see if the Molly Ringwald Appreciation Society has a local chapter 
Thanks again to everyone who said reassuring things and also to those who have given constructive advice whilst taking obvious care to be tactful. It is all appreciated.
From what I’ve been told (sadly, when they were already taken) by guys I liked through college, if I had 10€ for each of them who was from back home and assumed I must have gotten a guy in college, and 10€ for each one who was from my college town and assumed I must have a guy back home, I’d have enough for my down payment!
OK, I’m exaggerating. Make that 50€ for each of them, really…
I’m considering making myself a Tshirt saying “free. Promise. I only bite if you like it”
I agree with astro - having an entire makeover shouldn’t be necessary, and you’d run the risk of feeling like a fraud, which won’t help in a social situation. I think you are particularly attractive; kind of tomboyish, but I like that as a girly-faced bloke. The only off-putting thing at all in those photos was a certain look in your eye of anxiety, perhaps, which can be a tad unsettling (though huggable). But then, maybe you don’t like having your photo taken…
I’m female, so you may want to take my opinion with a grain of salt.
My impression of the first two pictures was that you look very put-together and professional. That’s great for work, but it tends to make you look unapproachable during social times. Maybe try going out dressed in jeans and t-shirts.
Also, I know you said it’s very difficult to grow your hair out, so I won’t advise you to do that. I do want to say that your hair in the last picture was much cuter. It makes you look playful and fun…I’d keep with that style.
Good luck (not that a woman as attractive as you needs luck)!
So it all boils down to:
Stand still.
I’ve been hearing that for decades. It’s complete and utter crap.
Seconded. Once you’re out of high school or college, and alone in the big, wide world the people that find dates and mates are the ones that go looking for them. I tried the “hanging out & waiting for karma” approach for some time, and it’s generally worthless. Maybe you will meet your date at the local book store or coffee shop, but chance does not favor you. Internet dating is a godsend for people over 30.
So what? I’m going to have to back the grow the hair thing. Do you have any pictures of you with long hair? So what if it’ll look dated. So what if it takes time.
From looking at your pictures, I’d probably (if I ran across you in real life) make a snap judgment based on three things (and I’ll qualify this by saying this is only on a physical-attraction level): your hair, your clothes, and your lack of confidence. I and most of the guys I know think that few women can get away with short hair. So if you do have short hair, in order for me get beyond that, there needs to be something else there that tells me that you haven’t chopped your hair off simply because it’s easier to deal with. So if your clothes don’t stand out and show something off (and you definitely have some assets in that department), then it has to be your attitude. Are you standing straight or slouched? Are you smiling and looking around or talking to someone else, or are you staring vacantly somewhere or at the floor? Is your head up or down? And if you’re talking, is your voice confident and strong, or hard to hear even though you’re close by? These are all things I notice, and if the combination doesn’t work, then my eyes will slide right by you.
I’ll even second the internet dating thing. Women seem to have a much easier time with it than guys, and from what I’ve seen, you can really pick and choose. Trust me, if there are guys here drooling over you, multiply that by a factor of 10 and that’s probably the very least of what you’ll get on a dating site. And on a dating site, you have the double advantage of physically showing yourself as well as giving guys a peek at what’s going on in your head (again, you seem to have plenty of assets in that arena, too).
Grow your hair out. Between the short hair and the broad shoulders in the pictures I’m thinking, “Butch.” Which is not to say “Coyote Ungly,” but I for one would be inclined to think you might be the wrong tree to bark up, if you take my meaning? Straighten it every so often. When I was a lad my girl had curly hair that would completely frizz out in humid weather (which was all the time in Seattle). I convinced her to get a perm kit and I played hair dresser–just applied the perm while combing the hair straight and “viola” soft straight hair for 3-4 months. Then I went away to college and she landed all kinds of boyfriends…but that’s another issue.
Promethea, I think I am quite a bit like you - attractive enough, but I always felt like I was invisible to guys. I would sum your look up in your pictures, and from your descriptions of yourself, as “reserved.” You might be enjoying a social event or the company of people, and I’m guessing they never know.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look (and don’t worry about long hair - yours looks great on you like it is now), except your clothes look - I hate to say it, but the word that comes to mind is “blah.” Guys truly don’t care much about clothes, but they like bright colours and skin showing. I would say you need to move your wardrobe about two steps further into “pretty/sexy,” and your look will be complete, if you want to dress to look more playful and available (and if you don’t, that’s fine, too).
Now, the “reserved” thing - do you have a good sense of humour, and enjoy socializing and talking with people? If you do, you won’t have to change that much either to attract plenty o’ men. Internet dating is unparalleled for getting experience hanging around with the opposite sex and honing your dating skills (and they are skills that can be learned like anything else). Get on a site, go on a bunch of dates, and just get better and better at it, until you meet someone who is worthy of you making a commitment to. Don’t forget that part, either - you’re not looking for A man, you’re looking for a GOOD man who deserves you.
There’s an upside to being more reserved and “invisible” - now that I’m married to a wonderful man who thinks the world of me, I appreciate not ever getting hit on by guys. (By the way, I met my husband when I was 33, after having only a few boyfriends and never being very comfortable with guys. You only have to meet one right one.) I’m kinda grateful that I was a quiet, invisible woman, because it meant that I was still single when I met him. Now, get out there and start dating, you good-lookin’ woman, you!
Don’t worry, neither can I.
And, you have an invite from me, too, if you ever get out here to the SF bay area. What’s that so far- half a dozen guys saying “sure yah, yabetcha”? Means you’re not bad at all, eh?
Why hasn’t anyone raised the possibility that there is something seriously wrong with British men? It seems obvious to me.
Promethea, I’m an old married guy, so please take this as just a not-flirting or trying to be cute thing, but you are DELIGHTFUL!
You appear to be approximately the same size as my wife of 31 years, and you have that same kind of — how do I phrase this?? — look/twist to your lips/pose that drives guys like me insane.
Where I think the problem is, is that you are a very special lady and you are destined for a very special man who appreciates you. Forget party city, driving on South Beach in a Ferrari…think "someone who appreciates true-blueness, and who is looking for someone to love forever and look out world.
When you find that, it is gonna be kick-ass great. It is gonna take time, probably.
It took me a LOT of years to find my wifey, but hey dang! it was worth the wait.
Have faith. Have patience. And NEVER lower your standards.
…did I already say I find you attractive in the extreme??
I’m with Liveonaplane. Old and not flirting. (Wait until I find my viagra). Anyway, you are a looker, you are obviously intelligent going by your post, eloquent, but you seem to have a self esteem difficulty.
Were I so invisible to the opposite sex… the world is yours.
Go to DopeFests.
First: The single guys here know you’re available and looking. Seems to me that that would increase your odds. (That reminds me of what they say about Alaska: If you’re looking for a guy the odds are good. but the goods are odd. ) Second: Since you’re a member of this community, you have common ground so meeting people is easier. Third: DopeFests are not meat markets. There’s no pressure. Even if you don’t find a significant other at one, you’ll get to know people and have some fun.
I personally know of two marriages (international ones at that) that have resulted from meetings at DopeFests. My g/f is not a Doper, but I met her through Dopers I met at DopeFests.
Hey, it’s an option.