If we open things up to the more general “Dopers who met here and married,” the list is a good bit longer, but it also kinda misses your very valid point:)
One other tactic I forgot about. Let all your friends know you are interested in dating. EVERY ONE OF THEM. Let them know you appreciate them and would welcome the chance to meet people like them. They no doubt have other friends, family, and co-workers who they click with. Open yourself up to blind dates. When a date set up by people you know and trust, your chances of meeting someone suitable go waaay up. And if you don’t hit it off romantically, chances are you’ve made another friend…who has a friend…and so on.
Even though I am a woman, I just wanted to add to the chorus reassuring you that your looks aren’t the problem. You look classy and beautiful in those photos. Personally I think the straight hair is more flattering.
Shyness could definitely be a big part of the equation in why men don’t seem interested. Do you smile at people? Being shy myself, I tend not to smile much at strangers…but lately I’ve been trying harder to make a point of smiling at people and I’ve noticed that it makes a big difference in how eager people are to approach me.
Very good advice, one that I’ve experienced personally. When I was in my mid-teens and on some days felt too ugly to leave the house, no boys every paid attention to me.
One of my best friends, on the other hand, was a man magnet. She was nice with everyone, as a matter of fact.
One day, I decided to try to act the way she acted around people, including guys. We had a teen party that evening. To my surprise, I got invited to dance (showing my age here), and got the very first compliment from a guy in my life! “You’ve got great legs,” he said. I knew my legs were perfectly average, but I understood then that I could act beautiful-- i.e. just enjoy people, smile, forget about my looks-- and people would pay me attention.
That experience served me well all through life. There have been a lot of people who’ve found me beautiful, but only I know that I’m sort of charming-ugly. You see, the negative self-image is hard to totally eradicate.
Promethea, you’re quite lovely, so your looks are not a problem. Go out and enjoy life.
The one thing I got from the pictures is that I get a pretty strong ‘Mom’ vibe. Some women just look and carry themselves like moms. Between the short hair and the conservative clothing, you look rather…practical. Like you’ve got stuff to do, kids to take care of, and in general you’re just taking care of issues. Couple that with what you say is a bit of shyness or reserved attitude, and you may be amplifying that effect and causing the men to steer around you.
I’d lighten up. Grow your hair out, wear some fun clothes (they don’t have to be particularly sexy, for that matter. A T-shirt with a slogan on it and jeans works fine for that). Dress younger than you are, not older than you are. Look at the way you carry yourself. You don’t have to skip around, but there’s a way to act that’s just a little more lighthearted and free - smile at little things, put a bounce in your step, smile when you make eye contact with people, that sort of thing. Be outgoing and fun.
Since you’re not unattractive, my guess is that men are just putting you in that ‘practical’ category, and that’s generally not what single men are looking for.
Please remember that I am an older man (63), so I’ve had a lot of experience checking out the ladies. (At least whenever my wife of many years allows)
Believe me when I say that you are attractive! Quite attractive in fact. You’ve already read some great advice; have a look at your mannerisms…and relax in spirit, clothes and approachability.
I’ve known some lovely ladies who in an objective sense were far from attractive in the physical sense, but their personalities really made a metamorphose for them. And the opposite is true; a very attractive woman can quickly become unattractive through her actions and attitude.
You have the upper hand here…so smile, flirt, take advantage of your good looks…and have fun!
Hey guys, don’t sugarcoat it. Give ot to me straight.
Let me elaborate. I am not saying that hanging out at a book store is a way to hook up. What I am saying is that if meeting Mr. or Ms. Right becomes so compelling that you start to question whether something is wrong with you, your odds of finding somneone go down. Find something you enjoy and do it. If you like hiking, join a hiking club. Go on hikes because you like them, not as a pretense for meeting your soul mate. Work on making yourself happy and involved and the rest will follow.
If yopu really really really really really want to meet your soul mate the odds are you won’t.
Work on your eye-contact skills. Go to the mall and tell yourself you are going to look every man between the ages of 25-50 (or whatever your preferred range is; my new range is Astro…) right in the eye for 2 seconds, count aoneandatwo. You will get smiles.
You are an attractive woman, much more so than I am. (size 18, 5’8" www.nursecynthia.com) But I get hit on whenever I do the eye thing. Most men love attention, and female,possibly-sexual attention is what most men like best.
As for makeup–if it makes you feel pretty, it will make you feel confident, and as my new hero **Alice_in_wonderland ** says, if I were a man…
Throbbing Mattress Kitten!
As well as strangers, you might also be missing glances from semi strangers, people you might work with and such, but not relate to them as spongable.
small talk, eye contact on their part with you, the aforementioned compliments on your dressing , which you may be misinterpreting
I am trying to think of the actress, but I am wondering if you should actually go shorter and not longer with the hair length, you look like you might suit a punky hair do thats more spikey. Your professional setting might preclude that possibility, but its worth a look.
One thing that I have not seen you mention but take a look at the other ladies in your social settings, be it work or play and see if your just being overshadowed by some more telegenic women
Declan
I too have this incredibly kinky and unruly curly hair. I’m going to look thru some pics to post … to show you that, yes, there are ways to make it look good. And, at no great expense either. I do draw the line at shoulder length … any longer and it would probably strangle me in my sleep 
I would be very interested! Especially in styles to adopt during the tricky growing it out from very short phase. It’s got to be better than the advice from hairdressers down the yeras who suggest variants on Lous Reed’s old 'do. No thank you, hairdresser, I don’t think the mullet is for me!
She’s trying to attract men, not other women.
Guys are disproportionately predisposed to liking long hair. Let’s remember what she’s trying to do here.
Mrs. RickJay’s best friend has very curly reddish hair; when she straightens it and let it go long, she looks ten times prettier. The difference is remarkable; it really changes the whole appearance. Indeed, it was her straightening her hair for a party that attracted the attention of her new beau. Long, pretty hair; it works.
What’s that, pick up guys who are so shallow they won’t consider dating a woman unless she has “long, pretty hair”? What happens later in the relationship when she decides she’s rather have her hair short, or she gets tired of straightening it?
No one said anything about picking up shallow guys.
From the OP: “I can’t decide if it’s my personality or my lack of physical attractiveness that puts men off.”
She’s trying to figure out how she can be noticed. Read the title-- “invisible to men.” Men are telling her that growing her hair out will help her get noticed by men. What’s so hard to understand about that? No one said anything about dating, although I can only assume it’ll help her with that, too. Plus, many men have also offered personality suggestions as well as physical. Are you saying that she should likewise ignore all of the clothing suggestions? And how about behavioral? After all, I see those, just like I see a head of short or long hair.
Random thoughts, take them for what they’re worth.
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You’re gorgeous–you have that milk and honey skin, lush lips, great eyes and a nice set of cheekbones–you are so damned British beautiful. Work it, baby! I want to see some nice lipcolor, some brown/black mascara on you–NOT to look made up (is there anything more common-in the vulgar sense-?) but to enhance the beauty that is already there.
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Clothes–stop being practical. I loathe 4 inch heels(and nothing says “skank” to me faster than someone wearing them), but like Bridget’s mum says, “you look like you’re out of Auschwitz with your slurries and browns”. You don’t have to go crazy, but maybe a soft pink or pumpkin color, burgundy or aubergine–warm it up a wee. (good thing about color is that you can still be practical with your sweaters and all, but it’s the color that makes it pop).
Try some jeans on–like 50 different pairs-until you find some that fit and flatter you. Get some nice ankle boots (not 4 inches high), nice snug cashmere sweater, jeans, boots, bit of makeup and you’re almost home. -
Attitude aka you’re so damned British! Bet you’re shy as shy can be. Bet you don’t want to cause a rukus or a scene. Bet you don’t want to draw attention to yourself any which a way…I am a most dedicated Anglophile, but in my visits over the Pond, I soooo want to break that ice that seems to be suspended from your sky (at times- other times, there are no kinder folk than Brits, but I digress).
Do you know how you look when you’re anticipating something that brings you joy? Your eyes sparkle; your face is softened; you seem to hover on the edge of a smile all day. THAT is the most attractive thing ever, and also one of the sexiest.
Some folks have said for you to find your passion, because people who are passionate also look the same as above. But you can fake it (as long as you don’t turn into Eeyore as soon as the connection is made). You need to act as if you were meeting Colin Firth (ok, so we’re getting personal here-sorry!)–and that Colin Firth is in love with you–and you know it. They’ll be gagging for you.*
*I didn’t say this was easy-especialy for shy folks. But whatever you’re doing now isn’t working, so why not take a risk? And it’s acting, which shy people tend to like to hide behind anyway, so go for it.
Now, as for my successes–I’ve been hit on a ton (well, not now, but when I was younger)–and it can truly suck. It can even be scarey and creepy as hell, so (while you don’t want to hear this), be glad you’re not. There is also the problem that has dogged me my whole life–if the guy is the weirdest man in the room–he wants me. Oh yes, if you have zero social skills, body odor problems, you name it–you think you’re my Prince Charming…so this is a double edged sword you’re playing with. However, you do meet some interesting people that way–and who knows? He might have cuter friends… 
Sorry, I just get sick of the attitude of many men on this board that if you don’t have hair down to your ass, you’re ugly and undesirable. Some of the clothing recommendations in this thread have verged on the ridiculous side too. It feels like people are telling her to be someone she’s not so she can trap a man. Believe it or not, some men find short hair on women very attractive. I think I’ll recommend to the OP that she only consider dating guys with six-pack abs and chiseled jawlines from now on.
A significant plurality, if not a majority of men feel that way. Why dance around it?
She came soliciting advice on what to change to get men to notice her. “Ridiculous” would have been to tell her to keep doing what she’s doing, even though she evidently believes it isn’t working.
Sure. Hell, I do, depending on the woman. The OP happens to be one who, in my opinion (and she’s asking for my opinion) would look less severe and more approachable with a softer hairstyle. Nobody in this thread, at least that I recall, has said that short hair = ugly.
Um…do you really not see the difference here? As far as I’ve seen in this thread, nobody’s counseled to OP to get plastic surgery, lose weight, or dye her hair (not that she needs any of those measures). The most radical suggestions so far have been “try growing your hair out” and “try wearing some heels.” That’s a far cry from choosing or rejecting someone based on a narrow set of physical features.
Lighten up.
No. Let’s leave my hair color out of this.
I don’t want to hijack this thread any further, so I’ll leave it at that. I’ll just reiterate that I think the OP’s hair looks very cute as-is and I think it is a flattering style on her. It’s all just a matter of opinion.
Well I’ll offer some friendly guy-advice:
I’m sure your personality is great, I’ll offer no advice there.
From the three pics you posted, I noticed that you are a nicely-shaped size 10, and not a “sloppy” size 10. This is a GOOD thing!. However, your choice in clothing does not take advantage of that. Perhaps something a little more clingy, accentuating your shape, not hiding it. That coat makes you look something of a schoolmarm. Also, you are very fair-skinned, I’d stay away from the all black outfits. You also have very nice, curly hair, but it’s cut ENTIRELY too short. You have a strong, square face and a hairstyle that short just exaggerates it and does not look nice IMO.
So get some nice shapely outfits that show off your curves and in a color that compliments your skin, and try a longer hairstyle. You’ll have to fend the men off with a cricket bat, I gar-un-tee!
And who said that, or are you just making stuff up to be angry about?
Some men find other men attractive too, but if Promethea asked “How do I get men to notice me” and someone suggested “Get a sex change,” that would be a pretty dumb bit of advice, wouldn’t it?
The OP is not asking for advice on how to attract the attention of a particular man, but how to get more attention from men in general. Since she is asking how to get more attention from men in general, it makes sense to provide advice as to what men generally like, don’t you think? If you’re looking to get more attention from the opposite sex, isn’t it logical to at least be smart enough to play the odds? Nobody has suggested anyone not “Be themselves” or act like a whore. If you think your hair length is that much a part of your personal identity, you need to see a therapist. It’s just hair. You can always change it later.
I mean, I am sure some men like surly women who get angry about everything. Some men probably like moustaches on women or bad body odor. I would suggest, though, that if ytou’re looking to be attractive to men as a group, your odds-on best bet is to shy away from being a hair-faced, stank-ass grump. And long hair turns the tide in your favour too. It wasn’t an order, it was jut a suggestion.