I should write greeting cards, shouldn't I?

C,mon. You can tell me…

You said that maybe God put me in your life for a reason.
Who’d have thought that it would be to shoulder a cross that you helped me build.
I hate you and I hate your god too. Tell him I said so.
I want you both to rot in hell because
you stole something from me that neither of you deserved. It wasn’t mine
to give and it wasn’t yours to take.
I’ll drag that cross as far as I can walk until it scrapes itself to a tiny nub
and finally drops to the ground as an unrecognisable mote of dust.
And although my back might be broken, you and your god will exist no more.
And I’ll smile as the first walker by presses it into the ground with his filthy feet.
Kindly go fuck yourself.

Call it a gift…from above?

Inside: “Have a HELL of a good birthday!”


so, something bad happened?

Well, the argument is there to be made that NOBODY should write greeting cards, but from a purely practical standpoint, I don’t think there are many people who are going to read that while standing in the aisle in the supermarket and saying, “Boy, that’s sure worth my spending $2.95 to tell somebody!”

This feels more mundane and pointless than pitty to me.

C’mon, you didn’t make that up. My parents gave me that exact card every year on my birthday from when I was 5 until I was 17.

Ah, good times…

Hmmm… I’d have thought “Thinking of You.”

But you know, a few puppies or kittens and the OP might have a winner.

Or ducks splashing around in puddles. Those are always cute.

Rainbows. A card with those words needs rainbows.
The nooses have got to be tied to something.

How about angels?


I wish my parents gave me something on my birthdays.

You had birthdays? :eek:

All we had were hatching schedules – and we liked it! :mad:


God said that you could take a joke.

And we got the rotten egg smell out of everything, and we replaced the stuff that the vinegar damaged. I had NO IDEA you’d react so badly to ether.

So lighten the fuck up.

[sub]Seriously, “I pit you and your mean mean bad mean God” threads are so… angsty 17-year-old. You’re not an angsty 17-year-old, are you? Do you have bad poetry? Can I read it? Are you just pissy today because your favorite black turtleneck is in the wash? Are you out of clove cigarettes? Lighten the fuck UP.[/sub]

You, sir, have a promising career ahead of you as frontman for an emo band.

Is it wrong that I can actually see that in my mind?

Took you long enough to take the hint.

Emo bands don’t have frontmen. They have one member who whines marginally more while the music is playing and other members who whine marginally less.

featherlou: Wrong is seeing the ropes coming from beneath the angels’ robes.

Dude, because I can relate to this I’ll be nice.

Get off your fucking cross and grow some balls. Then go tell whoever it is that’s upset you so much to go righteously fuck him/herself. Seriously, are you your own human being or what?

okay, I just don’t get it. It is the pit, so I know I am about to get shredded, but I don’t even understand what the OP is pitting.

Don’t worry, nobody else does, either. We’re just here to exercise the hamsters.

Nifty. Obfuscated hate poetry - I dig this stuff. The OP is actually a terrific example of the genre, and its indictment of telemarketers who call you from their cellphones while driving too slowly in the passing lane of a drive-in theatre is as timely as it is searing and poignant. In fact, it reminds me of one of the classics of the genre, by the justly underrated Glumly Sufferin Van Mope:

If I Were Halfway Normal, I’d Just Say I Was Pissed-Off, and Why

You told me that you knew
Jesus Loved Me, and I
Thought, Man, that Savior just
can’t keep his trap shut about
ANYTHING, and then you conspired
to steal my heart and
that old Jarvik Seven would have gone for a
LOT on EBay even if it WAS broken and
Now I am without hope or
beer money and the
Human race is worthless and useless except
for it sure absorbs blame real good and
Also sometimes it lets me crash on its
couch, not that
THAT gets the universe off the hook so easy, oh