So chique, Odieman, Tripler and I were getting together in Minot, ND for a weekend. (Yes, I’m still here, and Trip’s sitting next to me.)
Chique couldn’t make it. Odie and I hung out Saturday, checking out the Dakota Square Mall bookstores.
Here are a few of the lessons learned.
[ul]
[li]North Dakota is really boring. Imagine every winter episode of Little House on the Prairie and you have North Dakota.[/li]
[li]Tripler is really hard to get a hold of. He is, however, findable via the Minot phone book. We learned that he does go home eventually. The sheer look of terror on Trip’s face when he saw Odie in his driveway was worth the price of admission alone.[/li]
[li]Odie is funnier in person than he is online.[/li]
[li]Amtrak drugs their coffee, because I slept the entire time. (Trip recommends beer or other alcohol to help with sleep if you don’t plan to drink Amtrak coffee)[/li]
[li]It does NOT take a fancy restaurant to f*ck up a turkey sandwich. I will not name names, for fear of exposing the Reader to a libel suit.[/li][/ul]
Minot is a one-horse town where the horse died.
Tripler pops in with a “HOWDY! All’s well in NoDak, so long as you don’t burn anything down that I have to clean up . . .”
This weekend, for the most part, has been a LOT of fun, though, and I can heartily recommend the Super 8 in Minot.
Sweet Jesus! If this town is considered a “hot spot”, now I know why your fuckin’ winters are so damn cold. . .
And I want you all to know that I am not alone in my whining. Thanks to the intestinal fortitude of msRobyn you are all privy to the monotonous life in Minot. Yes, this town is the collective representation of all that does suck.
Tripler
I shot the horse, too . . .
And add to the package the fact that Minot was ground zero in the Cold War. I seem to recall they have nukes in that area.
Some military people moved in next door to me when I was younger. Their last assignment had been Minot. The kids were really excited to be able to sled on hills. According to them, Minot is basically flat so you had to sled off of the snow drifts. The mother used to sit on her porch and stare at the trees, because she had missed trees so much while in Minot. She said there were no trees in Minot.
I hope I haven’t misrepresented Minot. Any Minotans please feel free to correct me. I’m only repeating what I was told.
Minot still has nuclear missiles. Minot AFB and the surrounding missile fields are still pretty high on the Russian’s target list. How do I know? 1) Minot is one of only three ICBM bases in the US. 2) I work on the base.
And there really is a lack of trees and mountains. Sometimes you get lucky, and can find a coulee or gully to go sledding in. If not, yer driving 8 hours south into South Dakota to the Black Hills. Kind of a bummer. I think most of the trees that do exist were planted back in the '20s and '30s as a soil conservation / depression work force effort.
But we have the big sign at the border: "Mountain Removal Project Completed May 2000"
I’m safely back at home, having gotten through another overnight train ride. When I got back to the Cities, it was snowing to beat the band, but that’s OK too.
The funny thing to me is that everybody talks about how flat and desolate Minot is. When I came into town the road was in a river valley for the last 60 miles of the trip, so I didn’t get to see the treeless plains. In fact, as a prairie boy I was feeling a bit trapped when I was in the valley, I missed being able to see to the horizon ;). Minot really is a hole, I would describe it as being like Moose Jaw without the charm, and if you have ever been to Moose Jaw you know it doesn’t have that much charm.
I enjoyed the trip and I hope to have an opportunity to meet more dopers soon. My only problem is that I was detained by customs both ways. Going down all I got was the customs equivalent of 30 questions. Coming back my car got pulled over and they did a full search of it. Being a single male, with facial hair making a day trip to Minot to visit friends must fit a profile. I’m just glad I didn’t say that I was going to Minot for a Dopefest. I have a feeling I would be sharing a cell with a gentleman named Bubba who doesn’t share well.
