Parking near her building’s tough, and this one old guy who lives on the next block has a space in front of his house easily big enough to park two standard-sized cars in, yet he always has his (standard-sized) car parked in the middle of the spot, effectively taking up two spaces with a single car.
So on my way to her apartment tonight, I had to park a block further away, and as I passed Mr. Selfish’s car, I spit at it.
He came rushing out of his house, screaming at me. “Hey, what you doin’! I saw that!” etc. I turned, saw he was a scrawny old guy who I couldn’t hit back if he swung at me, so I walked on.
I wonder if he knows what my car looks like. I wonder if it’s going to get keyed tonight.
I missed with the spittle, btw. Close but no cigar, and if intent meant anything I would have gotten it but good. I’m just inaccurate with my spittle control.
We’re losing track of the important issue here, people – those idiots who take up two parking places because they don’t know how to freakin’ park. They drive me batshit. Spitting is an appopriate response. If I weren’t a lady, I’d join you in this campaign.
My motto is, “If you can’t parallel park, move to the suburbs.” Unfortunately, I have thus far been unsuccessful in starting a movement to go with the motto. Let’s unite, people! T-shirt! Bumper stickers! Flyers to put under windshields!
Flyers on windshields works. When I used to live on the Yupper West Side, someone went around putting flyers under Selfish Parkers’ windshield wipers with nasty messages that looked just like DMV official tickets, and said something like “You are [checked box] a selfish pig for taking up two spaces with one car,” and other common offenses. People’s justice!
