I stink

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I stink. I really do. I am not fit to be around other humans.

Luckily, I discovered my stinkitude on my own, so I was spared the embarassment of having a co-worker or friend tell me I stink.

I was sitting here at work, stretched and yawned and then suddenly… <sniff sniff>
What the hell is that smell?

<sniff sniff>
Is that me?

<sniff sniff>
Aw, crap that IS me! What the hell? I showered today before coming to work, I slapped the ol’ Speed Stick on. WTF?! It’s not overly hot out and I’m not sweating, but I’m stinking like a stinkbug on a stinking pile of old rotten stink in the trash bin floating on the USS Stinker docked in Port Stinkass in the state of Stinkachussetts.

And I have no idea why I feel compelled to share this with anyone here, but I’m about to hit “Submit” anyway…

2

Maybe if you applied the Speed Stick instead of just slapping yourself with it…

Go in the bathroom and get some soap on a paper towel. Apply to pits. It may help.

3

[Boring non-witty answer]

Did you put on an old shirt by mistake?

[/Boring non-witty answer]

4

hardy - I don’t think anyone would look too kindly on me swabbin’ my pits in the men’s room. I’d have to take this shirt off to do that and for the good of all humankind, I try avoiding showing my fish-belly white skin in public.

Lobsang - Nope. Fresh clean shirt off the hanger this morning, first time I’d worn it since spring (it finally got cool enough here to not wear a t-shirt)

Just call me Crunchy McStinkypits

5

Since tonight’s Seinfeld was the “Stinky Car”, I had to chuckle. I can’t smell so that’s probably why I love ya man.

Lots of Brut. Apply enough Brut and you’ll at least be thought of as a gold-chain-wearing-hipster-past-his-prime instead of a smelly old goat. Not much difference to most people, but there’s your dignity to think of. Well, as much dignity as a man who owns and wears a latex Daffy Duck head can have anyway. I occasionally wonder what goes on in your bedroom when you aren’t reeking up the joint, but that gets scary.

By the way, still waiting to meet the girl who can stand to be around your stench for more than a couple hours. Let me know what you feel about dinner sometime when you get your nasty ass cleaned up. Not that it bothers me, but I wouldn’t want other diners to think that it is me gagging the flies.

6

NONONO…not the “Brut” (or drakkon nior, etc.) highway!!!
Try buying fresh parsley and eating a mouthful several times a day. Makes your breath fresh, too. Just remember to rinse your mouth out afterward so you don’t have that mossy as a log smile…:wink:

7

[Simpsons]

Your stink brings tears to my eyes!

[/Simpsons]

8

Maybe even though it’s “laundered” the shirt soured in the wash? When that happens even the slightest armpit odor is intensified 100 times.

~J

9

Great. Now I have the visual of Crunchy with the Daffy head on (and I still have the pictures, BTW :stuck_out_tongue: ) with some girl who’s pretending to be Bugs Bunny in drag.

10

That is awesome. Truly.

Thank you for sharing. :smiley:

11

If it’s any consolation, Crunchy Frog, I have no sense of smell at all! Not a speck! I imagine I’m not alone, so I doubt you stink to everyone! :frowning:

12

That can happen? Shirts sour in the wash? Next you’ll be telling me dishes don’t get 100% clean in the dishwasher! Crazy talk, it’s all crazy talk I tell ya!

13

Nobody point out the big black and blue specks on his plates. . .

14

And BTW, it’s not like I wear that giant latex Daffy Duck head in public or anything. :stuck_out_tongue:

[sub]After all, it kinda smells in there.[/sub]

15

What have you been eating lately?

Could it be a medical problem?

16

Dude, light a match.

17

Lose the Speed Stick.

Get some Mitchum.

18

Has the shirt been hanging in the closet since spring? They can go sour in the closet even if they were clean when you hung them up. Does it have a highish polyester content? Try all cotton–you might notice an improvement.

19

Avoid Axe.

20

Good advice :wink: