Normally, at 9:00 in the morning at my first breaktime I go to the cafeteria and get breakfast. I’m predictable, same thing every day: two eggs over easy, double order of sausage and buttered white toast. Since they know what I get every day, they usually have it waiting for me when I get there.
Today, what do I find. There was my breakfast made as usual, but they put the sausage under the eggs. The weight of the eggs on the uneven surface of the sausages caused the yolks to break. The yolks were already broken when I got there. That’s my favorite part of breakfast; breaking open the yolks. They deprived me of my constitutionally guarunteed rights to pursue happiness.
Well, based on my personal experience in the legal system (I had to go to traffic court once) I think this case may be a bit shaky… unless, of course, the eggs were really really hot and you burned your chin… no, wait - that just works with pickles. Never mind…
I think you can, if sheep exist still that is. They still exist don’t they? Oh please tell me they do. I know they do! I’ve seen them! They run like crazy mad love making hippies!!!
[sub]excuse what I say. I’m suffering from my first year of finals in college[/sub]
Guess the yolk was on you, huh? Just goes to show you that eggs for breakfast isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Hope you didn’t have to shell out too much money for that meal.
Let’s see what we have here; Defamation of eggs, contaminated sausage, misrepresentation of goods ordered. Throw in a ruined breakfast and emotional distress. Yup, we’re looking at a cool million and change.
What you REALLY gotta do is claim this yolk broke onto your chin THEN say (With necessary doctor “examination”, of course) that the hot yolk caused your head to jerk back, giving you horrible whiplash.
Then start complaining about stomach cramps, and you’re set!
Uh, I meant to say that we must address his horrible wrong perpetrated on a poor defenseless seeker of sustenance, Eutychus55. There’s no way you’re getting out of this with less than a cabin cruiser.
Not only do you have recourse against the cafeteria, I think we have a good case against the sausage company for making a product which unreasonably interfered with the integrity of your yolks. Of course, don’t forget the chicken. Imagine, releasing eggs with such flimsy yolks into the stream of commerce. Somebody could have been KILLED!
Now, if you’ll sign right here and put this neck brace on, we can get started. I’ll have my secretary call Dr. Quackley and get you started on a chiropractic regimen and some reconstructive surgery.
Hmmm Since I spent most of this week on jury duty,I say your case is better than the one I sat in on! 3 days of my life I will never get back- so as a recent juror I say Go for it!!
A precedent has been set by your well established and recognized habit of placing the same order day after day. You have every right to expect that your wishes we anticipated and carried out as always. Why, for them to expect you deter from your routine amounts to nothing less then emotional cruelty and abandonment. The only trouble is that I think those are grounds for divorce and not much else.
Your eggs were defective. They were broken when they reached you.
The sausage was “hidden” under the eggs. Therefore, the sausage was also defective, and there is some sort of duplicity involved here.
You state that you eat at this establishment every day. You have invested “trust” in this establishment. That trust has been forever and irretrievably broken, and I am sure you are traumatized.
The sight of your ruined breakfast has caused you sleeplessness, anxiety and depression. You will have to be in therapy for years.
In summation, I concur with Counselor Zappo, immediately put that neck brace on. I shall have my secretary confer with Counselor Zappo’s secretary, and get you an appointment with a renowned psychiatrist. Of course, I will take the standard 30% as my fee.
Eggs-actly you have one. I never sausage a lawsuit potential, I’d bacon in immediately, myself, no matter hen you could get around to it. I’ll scramble for the opportunity to poach on your claim, too, if I’ve not fried too hard. I get really boiled when I see folks taken advantage like this. I’ll toast your every endeavor in this regard. We can pattie like there’s no tomorrow after we win, and link our fortunes together. We’ll crack each other up when they come out with their poultry thought out defenses. They’ll have to run and duck for cover, lest you goose them as they dash by.
I think you are all missing the picture here with the talk of trauma lawsuits. What we have here is a clear case of sexual harrassment. They put the sausage(=penis=male) under the eggs(=ovaries=female). It is an obvious attempt to demean maleness by suggesting that the eggs dominate over the sausage, thus implying male inferiority. Also don’t think that the eggs accidently broke. They were strategically placed so that the very presence of the sausage would cause then to be destroyed. It is again a very blatant attack on the sausage suggesting that the egg would be better off if the sausage never existed. This attack on your self-esteem must not be tolerated, I suggest getting in contact with the ACLU as soon as possible.
