I think I have a tapeworm.

OK, not really, I mean nothing pale, slimy and disgusting has come out of my butt…

But I CANNOT STOP EATING.

It’s been going on all week. I bet I’ve gained 5 pounds.

On Tuesday, I brought sliced deli turkey and a loaf of bread to work for lunch (there was cheese, mayo, and mustard already in the fridge here in the office), thinking I’d just leave it here and have turkey sandwiches for lunch over the next 2 or 3 days.

I ate my first turkey sandwich at 8:30 am…

… and had downed my FOURTH turkey sandwich by 2:30 pm. :eek:

Nonetheless, I was still hungry for dinner when I got home, so I made a stack of pancakes and a few slices of bacon.

The next day, I had two turkey sandwiches for lunch, then ran out of turkey, so I resorted to gobbling up slices of bread for the rest of the day. When I got home, I had a big vat of angel hair with pesto.

Today I decided to try eating breakfast, so I swung by Burger King (I know, I know) at about 8:30 and got French Toastix.

Nonetheless, by 10:30 I was jonesin’ for food, so I went to a deli down the street for a fried chicken salad.

Yum.

Anyway, here it is barely 4:00, and I’m back to sucking down slices of bread again (oooh! and I found some slices of American cheese in the office fridge!).

In addition, I have been completely addicted to soda lately–I’ve been sucking down two or three cans a day, when I usually drink about four cans a month (give or take the occasional Rum & Coke I might get out at a bar once in awhile)

So what’s going on, here? I mean, I love food (I’m definitely in the “Live to Eat” camp)–I’ve never dieted, and I pretty much eat what I want without feeling guilty (who loves you, bacon?)–but I DO try to avoid eating too much meat and/or junk food (it just makes me feel kind of gross), which is not difficult for me, and I don’t usually require, say, FOUR SANDWICHES in a six-hour time-span to feel satisfied. In fact, under normal circumstances, I’d feel miserably full after such a feast, and I HATE that feeling.

So what, is my body trying to tell me that it wants to weigh 185 instead of 132 (make that 137, what with the way I’ve been carrying on this week)? Is it saying I need a bigger cushion (for sweeter pushin’ :smiley: )? That I’d make a great “Plus Size” model?

Am I missing some vital nutrient that can only be found in Coke, Sprite, and Orange Minute Maid Soda?

Is this just a psychosomatic response to the fact that I’m broke as hell until payday (Monday)? You know, with poverty comes hunger, or something…?

Will I be able to fit into my car by this time next week?

One wonders…

Just for the record, NO, I’m not pregnant, unless by Immaculate Conception (in which case will God let me name the kid myself?)…

…and otherwise, I feel fine. Not tired, not irritable, not itchy, nothing unusual…

But I think my coworker is about to perform an intervention, over here, if she sees me inhaling another slice of bread or cheese.

Anyone?

I’m staying with the pregnant theory and I’m not budging!

Well, I don’t know what’s realllly wrong with you but here’s how you can find out IF it IS a Tapeworm:
Stop eating altogether.
Eventually, it will come up through your alimentary canal, out of your mouth (or nose) in search of FOOD!!

Now–how’s that appetite?
:smiley:

Two words:

OH GROSS!

Nevermind - when I took parasitology in college, our teacher informed us that the old folk remedy of trying to make the human tapeworm migrate through the body in search of food was a myth. For one thing, tapeworms (taenia sp.) have no mechanism for locomotion.

Too late, already have the visual image. Shudder.

Tee hee hee
Arnold–I’ll have to research that and get back to you.
All I can say is this–its gotta go somewhere!! :eek:

I always heard that not eating anything for a few days and then putting warm milk in front of you and opening your mouth will lure the tapeworm out, but I can’t remember where. Would not surprise me if I read it on Snopes, where it was disproven, and my mind completely ignored the purpose of the website and tucked it away as a little “factoid”. Anyway, I had a similar experience this afternoon - ate half of a ready-made pizza and then wandered around the kitchen looking for food. Quite irritating.

A TAPEWORM HAS NEITHER MUSCLES NOR A SENSE OF SMELL, DAMMIT!!

Pet peeve of mine…

It appears the longest tapeworm/human tapeworm (Diphyllobothrium latum) was 18m/almost 20 yard long.

http://www.il-st-acad-sci.org/kingdom/records1.html

So, make sure you grab a ruler if that guy makes a guest appearance on The Auntie Em Show! when you’re at dinner at Applebee’s with your mom. :smiley:

Some roundworms, now, they’ll migrate all over the place if they get agitated. Cecil told me so.

Doesn’t that make you feel better?

Tapeworm segments, which are basically big ole sacs of eggs, are released in the intestine when mature and come out with the poop but the worm itself stays where it is. It can’t crawl and only remains in the intestine due to a ring of small hooks on the head (scolex) that are affixed to the intestinal mucosa. Symptoms of tapeworm infestation are likely to be things like diarrhea and loss of appetite.

Now, the last time I had an appetite like yours I was taking a prescription medicine that left me hungry all the time. I gained about forty pounds in a surprisingly short period. No one ever mentioned that side effect!

It appears that the Scotch tape test is in order…

I hope nobody tried to cut you off in the alley this time. Sounds like that would have been dangerous this morning.

I vote it’s PMS. I always eat and eat and then eat some more during the week before my period.

Especially if he’d given me the finger to boot–I might have mistaken that summa bitch for a REAL sausage this time! :smiley:

Not a bad theory, tevya, but:

a) I don’t have the accompanying crankiness/crampiness/boobie pain (should there have been a TMI warning, there?), and

b) in my 20 years of Periodicality, I don’t ever recall having THIS side effect (well, not to this extent)!

Today I’m not feeling quite so ravenous. Had a couple of slices of coffee cake for breakfast, and a Caesar salad for lunch, and am not yet frantically sucking down slices of cheese…

I will say this, though–whether or not the “Tapeworm in search of food” rumour is true, I’ma keep feeding that little mother, just in case it is!!!

Hey auntie although it’s just my two cents, and probably means nothing to anyone, anywhere, anytime, I will admit to you, and only you, that I go through the exact same thing as you are describing. Sans pregnancy, sans PMS - sometimes my inner self (read this as “the voices in my head”) just gets cravings.

Last night, I finished off a small jar of Kosher Dill Pickles. Nope, not pregnant. Two days ago, I finished off a 20 oz. box of Maurice Lennell Pinwheel Cookies - that took me less than 2 days.

And although I know I will receive much ridicule, I’ve been known to finish an entire Jewel, Chef’s Kitchen, Thin N Crispy Deluxe Pizza all by myself.

It kind of comes and goes. And I am not EVEN going to go further on THAT vein and mention Mr2U… :smiley:

Thank you, Missy. I feel somewhat vindicated.

I think you’re safe unless you combine the pickles with ice cream…

So, auntie:

Do you know if it’s a boy tapeworm, or a girl tapeworm?

What are you going to name it?

How do you think the other kids at school will react?
zip-a-dee-do-da, zip-a-dee-day…