I think I have cancer....

In My Humble Opinion
1

This is a self diagnosis, of course.

I was given early retirement from a well-paying job two years ago and accepted the terms; if not, am sure I would have been down-sized and not have been able to reap the early retirement rewards, such as they were.

My Cobra safeguard expired six months ago. When I looked into personal health insurance, I was turned down by Kaiser because I was a smoker for 25 years, was advised by Blue Cross that I could join their plan at $800+ per month. I can’t afford this. This was before a physical exam that is required by Blue Cross applicants at a certain age (whatever that is). I blissfully assumed that I’d make it to age 65 when I could get Medicare with an AARP (or similar) supplement.

A little over a year ago I took a three week tour to China that I had arranged and paid for a year in advance when I was still working. I developed an upper respiratory infection (fortunately, it didn’t make its presence known until I got home). It was a terrible ordeal that I don’t remember well: sleep ten hours, get up, go pee, drink lots of water, back to bed and repeat. I was given Cipro to cure the infection. I got out of the haze in three weeks and discovered that I’d lost 32 pounds. I hazily remember sitting on the john and looking at myself in a mirror and actually seeing my flesh melt away. Normally this would be a good thing. Other than the fact that no one around me developed the same symptoms, I would attribute it to SARS.

Upon recovering, I thought that I’d gain the weight back. So far it hasn’t happened.

So it’s a year later. I’m losing weight (seven more pounds in the last few months) again but feeling good. Because of my age and the lack of bounce-back, I have hanging flesh on my arms, I don’t have an appetite and have to remind myself that I have to eat. I am tired and don’t sleep for extended periods of time. I spend an inordinate amount of time watching TV, lurking the SDMB and reading at an outdoor coffee cafe. I don’t have any common cancer symptoms such as bleeding, lumps, etc. Weight loss and lethargy are big no-nos though.

I am afraid that going to a doctor and being diagnosed with cancer will monetarily deplete everything I have set up for the rest of my normal life expectancy. I never expected to live long because of my long-term smoking, but to be faced with my options now is a different story.

I have always been an advocate of euthansia and assisted suicide and thought that a trip to Oregon might someday solve my problem if necessary (John Ashcroft nixed this thought). Now I’m thinking that I really don’t want to leave yet and wonder about the devastation it would reek upon my daughter. She and I have discussed this and she reluctantly agreed with me. It’s difficult to pursue this.

I know that a visit to a doc is the answer, but also know that initial tests will wipe out what I have earmarked for the next six months to a year or more, or if there is a true cancer diagnosis, will wipe out everything I had set up for the rest of my life. I thought I had enough to support myself for the next ten years but realistically think I’ll be wiped out and reduced to a dependency that I don’t want and don’t want others (my daughter) to face because of me.

I don’t believe in god or an afterlife so that’s not a consideration. I am mortified that money is eventually what might be that which keeps me alive and I don’t have enough of it.

Any words of wisdom?

2

I’ll be blunt. Go to the doctor. Because if you don’t, you’ll continue to be wondering “What if …?” until something happens.

This could be something else entirely. But go see your doctor.

3

My lover was diagnosed with a serious cancer.
Five years later, he is cancer free.

Go to the next University Medical Center in your area. They will usually accept payment plans.

But go. First of all, it might be something as silly as a tapeworm, and even if it is the Big C, unless you face your fears, you are not in the position to heal.

Not all cancer is a death warrant. Yes, it sucks big time, but before you write yourself off as a lost cause…get a diagnosis and look at the glass of water as half full, not half empty.

By the way, even if you have to sell every damn thing you own, a woman at work told me about a guy who needed surgery, sold his house, came out healthy, and now has a new job, a new outlook on life and just bought another new home.

Go to a doctor, and keep us informed!

4

Weight loss could be lots of things. BTW are you still smoking?

5

No, I quit smoking six years ago. I’ve since learned that quitting smoking after five years or more doesn’t restore one’s lungs to their virginal state… The older you are the longer is takes to restore the lungs. It’s a UL but probably a good one to encourage younger smokers to quit.

6

Why do we always think the worst. It could be some other reason your losing weight and feeling lethargic. A doctor is in order for sure.

Good luck! Medical insurance is for the healthy, wealthy and disguised.

I’ve discussed my death with my daughter. She’s 26 and as much, as she doesn’t want me to die, she knows my wishes. Which is Give me liberty or give me death! Live Free or die!

I sound like a person willing to die with dignity than deteriorate from some bone crushing disease while you watch. (not you but you know what I mean)

Look at it this way. When Linda McCartney succumbed to breast cancer she went horsebackriding 3 days before. Which tells me she got her wishes. Jackie Onassis the same thing.

If you do have terminal cancer or some other bone wracking disease be sure to have a living will in place.

7

I am in no way a doctor, but I think it’s way too early to assume you have cancer. I think that sometimes, once a fear gets a hold of you, it won’t let go. And I think you have that fear. But fear is not reality. It’s just a feeling.

My good thoughts and prayers go out to you. Please listen to the good advice from other people here. And please don’t assume the worst.

8

I never expected to live long because of my long-term smoking.

Straykat from what I am reading, you are no longer a spring chicken. A lot of folks lose weight when they get older, believe it or not (and a lot gain it too!)

If you are smoking, that has got to be part of what is catching up with you.

Have you considered changing your diet and exercising? I’m 35, and I can no longer do the things I did at 18 without feeling like shit for three days.

Go see a doctor. I really don’t think you have cancer. But if you have things planned for the next ten years, like you say you do, and in the HIGHLY unlikely chance you do have cancer, wouldn’t you want to know that now? If you DO have cancer, which I DON’T think you do, you will need to see the doctor now . . .or later. It’s your choice.

**I know that a visit to a doc is the answer, but also know that initial tests will wipe out what I have earmarked for the next six months to a year or more, or if there is a true cancer diagnosis, will wipe out everything I had set up for the rest of my life. I thought I had enough to support myself for the next ten years but realistically think I’ll be wiped out and reduced to a dependency that I don’t want and don’t want others (my daughter) to face because of me.

I don’t believe in god or an afterlife so that’s not a consideration. I am mortified that money is eventually what might be that which keeps me alive and I don’t have enough of it. **

I mean this because your post really, really concerns me: The way you are talking, and I am going to assume this is all legit, I’m not 100% sure if you should be seeking help off a message board. get professional AS WELL AS medical help. Please.

Let us know how you make out!

9

**also know that initial tests will wipe out what I have earmarked for the next six months to a year or more, **

I’m also curious as to what THAT means?

10

Medical diagnostic testing is quite expensive, and he has no health insurance because of the 800/m cost, given that he is a high actuarial risk being an ex-smoker, so he has to pay these testing costs entirely out of pocket, depleting his budgeted savings.

11

Straykat, you don’t list anything under “location”. Here, in Maryland, the Dept. Of Social Svcs. has plans in place for people of modest financial means and overwhelming medical bills. Social Services may be able to help you qualify for govt. funded medical assistance, or some such. I’ve used this program myself, for hospital stays associated with kidney stones. Check into it. Also, when you go see a doctor (note, I say when, not if, as I don’t think this should be optional!) discuss your financial concerns; one of his office staff should be able to help you find out what your options are. Or, just call Social Services first. You worked a lot of years, paid lots of taxes on cigarettes for a lot of years, you have put a lot of money into the system! Time to try to take some of it back out! But, no matter what, see a doctor!!

St. Anger, if you were implying that you thought the OP was begging for money, I think you were totally wrong! If you weren’t implying that, I’m sorry for having misread you.

12

it seems just a LITTLE crazy to assume you have cancer because you’re not as healthy as you were…there have to be about a million reasons one can lose their appetite… most of them probasbly very simple and inexpensive to fix… go see a doctor… you’re not gaining anythign by dwelling on what is probably not even the case

13

If I’m not mistaken, lethargy and weight loss and loss of appitite are also symptoms of depression.

14

I’m sorry for your trouble.

But something has to be done, you NEED to get this sorted.
It could be cancer, sure, but you’ve had dramatic weight loss and lethargy with no other symptoms for a long time, so it could be all sorts of other, non life-threatening, things too.

I’m not familiar with the American Medical system, if you were here you’d get all of the tests and in-patient care free, but there must be some way to get what you need without bankrupting yourself.

At the very least get to your family doctor and get a Full Blood Count, Urea and Electrolytes, and Thyroid and Liver Function tests.

Start the investigative ball rolling, you can walk away from anything you feel is unnecessary, invasive or prohibitively expensive.

This could be something that can be diagnosed by a simple (and relatively inexpensive) blood test, and treated with a tablet.

Don’t deny yourself the access to such treatment because of fear.

15

Spooje, excellent point! Also, depression is not too uncommon after retirement, or so I hear.

16

spooge makes a very good point. Sleeping too little (or too much), weight loss (or gain) and, for sure, lethargy could very well be signs of depression. You said yourself, you spend too much time lurking the SDMB. Depression, sure as hell. :wink:

If you live in the US, wherever you are there is probably some kind of state or county assistance that won’t wipe you out entirely. Such plans usually allow for payment on a sliding scale according to your resources. Not as good as a national health plan, but better than nothing.

17

I agree. You have no symptoms of cancer except weight loss and ALL the symptoms of depression.
As far as I know there are free clinics in every major city. If you’re watching that much TV watch for Depression medication research studies. They pay for meds and councelling.
Good Luck

18

One more chiming in about county health care.

19

Having just emerged from a severe major depressive episode, I can say that you sound just like me nine months ago (except that I gained fifty pounds instead of losing it, though weight loss is more common as a symptom).

I would start checking out the options for how to get yourself to a doctor in a way you can afford. Maybe this means buying health insurance; maybe this means self-insuring (paying the bill yourself); or maybe you’re eligible for some kind of medical benefits.

One option is checking into Free Care. Some hospitals will reduce the cost of care for people who can’t afford it–and their standards are often much more generous than the income tests for Medicaid. I have known a lot of people who had big hospital bills forgiven through Free Care programs. I don’t know what they’re called in your area, but they’re a little-known resource for folks who are in situations like yours (uninsured but ineligible for Medicaid).

Good luck.

20

Just curious how Straykat was doing.

No, I did not mean the OP was begging for money; I was actually more concerned about their mental health.