When you’re right, you are absolutely right! Thanks for saying what I was trying to figure out how to say!
So he texts me today and says he’d still like to text me because he feels like he can tell me just about anything and that I’m pretty awesome.
I text back that I needed space and wasn’t trying to be a jerk, but I needed time without talking to him.
He said he understood.
Whatever, I’m miserable doing the right thing.
You should just go up there and bone him, then you could move on properly. It would be the best thing for everybody.
Hey now, I personally think that in order to keep it in the family, dropzone should just fly to Memphis. They could have dinner at the Rendezvous, and then go back to his motel, down the street from Graceland, and do it there.
That is not how life works apparently. Morals and ethics and relationship guidelines dictate you tough it out and put aside everything for the sake of piety and expectation.
I know I don’t have to like it…it’s what we are supposed to do right? For the kids, marriage, and the American way
*pity party over
It’ll get better
Only if it’s at the Peabody, no way am I hitting one of those seedy motels on Elvis Presley Blvd
If that’s how you feel about your commitment to your husband, you may want to rethink things. You have such a sour attitude about staying in a marriage with, your words, an incredible guy. Marriage is commitment, but it shouldn’t be a heart-wrenching burden
The fact that this makes you miserable is good evidence that you were in dangerous territory. I’ve had to back off from friendships (true platonic friendships) with men because their partners weren’t comfortable with it. I was frustrated and disappointed, but far from miserable. That’s a description more apt for a romantic breakup.
That’s how I feel at this very second as a gut, irrational reaction. I’m fucking human. Tomorrow I’ll probably feel better and happier with this whole thing. Nobody is a robot, and it’s easy to point fingers. I’m just honest, maybe to a fault but I’m not going to apologize for wearing my heart of my sleeve
Ok. Is anyone asking you to apologize? If you don’t want honest reactions to your honest feelings, maybe a journal that you can just dump your feelings into might be a better option.
And, sometimes it is a heart-wrenching soul sucking burden, and other times its the most blissful affirming experience in the world. It’s freaking reality. To say otherwise is to deny the humanity of marriage and place it on a pedestal that is too easily fallen from. That’s why marriages fail, not because people make mistakes or have miserable moments, but if one is truly committed you don’t jump ship just because it’s not meeting up to.sone societal ideal of how a husband and wife should be. Glass houses and all that.
Wow. Whatever your going through is a heck of a lot deeper than any reaction to my post. The post I responded to wasn’t about how marriage is hard, but was dripping with contempt for the idea that it’s worth sacrificing for. Like someone said up thread, you certainly seem to have it all worked out.
I’ve been burdened with intense feelings my entire life. I wish there was a journal or pill or Pensieve that could take it all away. I’ve even tried suicide in the past, but it’s not rational and it’s extremely selfish so that isn’t going to happen. I just have to ride the waves and hope to get beached safely back on shore when it’s all over. I feel sorry for anyone who gets caught up in it when I’m going through this
So… this idea that marriage is some specific one idea is probably going to make you miserable in the long run. A lot of successful, happy marriages aren’t some cookie-cutter ideal you see on TV. If you aren’t happy, talk to your husband about changing the rules. If you can honestly communicate with each other about your feelings and boundaries, maybe some kind of open arrangement could work. That’s how it’s worked for my relationship; we changed the rules 7-8 years in and frankly we’re much happier and stronger together. Figure out what works for YOUR marriage and don’t worry if it doesn’t match someone else’s expectations.
That being said, you do sound like you have some personal issues you may need to work out that don’t have anything to do with your relationship. If you don’t figure out what those are and fix them it really won’t matter what else you do.
Very very true. Though I’ve been trying for years to fix myself…I’m not sure I am fixable, I just need to learn how to live with myself within the confines of acceptable behaviour
Plus I have the added complication of a religious commitment
I recall when you first joined the board that you were a vocal defender on the side of Mormonism. Are you still a practicing LDS? I’m former LDS and not religious any longer, but how do you feel your recent/current actions align with your belief system?
I am a very much devote and practicing LDS.
My actions so far have been selfish and shortsighted, but nothing I can’t come back from or be forgiven for. I do believe in a forgiving Heavenly Father, take that as you will
Well, if you can be forgiven for whatever you do, why not just go get fucking laid and stop whining about it? You decided to be part of a repressive sex negative religion,* you* decided to get married, you vowed it was forever and one person only,* you* decided to have kids and now you want to bitch and moan because (as is completely and mundanely and tediously usual for people who got married too young because their religion says that’s the only way they get to have sex) you’re wanting some strange but your own decisions are standing in your way. So of course it’s “society’s fault” you can’t get your itch scratched. Uh huh. Either shit or get off the pot, really, every single person in the world has gone through some version of this jejune plot twist at some time in their lives. You aren’t speshul or magical or in wuv or whatever it is you’re dressing it up with–you’re bored, you want strange dick but you’re too chicken to go for it so you play brinksmanship riiiiight up to the edge of what’s “forgivable” to your religion and whine about it all online. FFS, grow up. Or, y’know, get a journal.
And done.
You are absolutely right…but what am I supposed to do? Just throw my hands up and say, fuck it!?